List of Qwerpline Characters

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This page lists characters that have appeared on the podcast Qwerpline.

Name Voice Actor Description
Alex ("A-Train") Alex Co-host of Qwerpline and current Aldersm'n of Therpston County.
Ball Hinkley Beej A local business owner and author. He sells organic perfumes made from locally sourced items from around his home in East Sump Acres.
Barbara Dooley Kathleen She's a birder.
Burtha Burpwinter N/A Knows about Nsberg's Historic Cellars. 3 interviews with her have been attempted.
Captain John Gordon N/A Sole member of the Nsburg Volunteer Coast Guard.
Chet Buntsman Ian QWRP's first attempt at a sports reporter. Former coach of the Nsburg High Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team.
Clementine "Clem" Alberts Kathleen QWRP's second sports reporter. Would like to be called "Clementine," please.
Dale "The Chuzzler" Chuzzle N/A Professional rally-car driver and local celebrity. Competed at Dakar and Le Mans, although he lost.
Darren von Spront Ian Local (possibly self-proclaimed) tech wunderkind. He engaged in a patent dispute with Raphael Crinklestouf, and discovered a new (and extremely radioactive) element.
Derek the Intern Beej 19-year-old intern who is frequently sent out for on-location work.
Dr. Melissa McFeels Kathleen Coach of the Nsburg High Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team. Always gives 110%.
Dr. Slavoj Dinkwither Graham Member of the University of Chuffield's Extremophile Research Institute. Visited Nsburg to study nsberries. Would like you to mail him your poop.
Edith Slump Kathleen QWRP's monotonous arts correspondent, local author, and self-described freelance gadabout.
False Dmitri the IX, aka Kaylee Kathleen Day manager at the Weiner Czar. Went on a date with Derek.
Fred Ian Founder of the Nsburg Primal Scream Therapy Men's Choir
Graham ("Big G-Money") Graham Co-host of Qwerpline.
Granton Bumper Ian Owner of Bumper Crop Farms and its ill-fated Corn Maze. Entered a large radish approximately 1 foot wide at the Harvest Festival competition. Grew the Bumper Crop Farm Corn Maze for Halloween, which led to the disappearances of 21 people. Later found religion and built a 20-foot "Jesus Cristo" out of corn husks, which was accidentally destroyed by Derek.
Gus N/A QWRP station engineer & security(?) Mostly expresses his opinions via the sound board.
Happy Gunderson Ian Owner of a "spite house" in the middle of Highway 3. Frequently harassed by the Pipesmen.
Horatio Toot-Toot N/A Ran Captain Toot-Toot's Seafood Buffet and, briefly, the QWRP FM broadcast studio. Eventually made enough money to buy a boat and return to the sea whence he came.
Jeff N/A QWRP station accountant. Referenced, but never appears. Has to deal with Derek charging random items to the station.
Joan N/A QWRP station manager. Referenced, although never heard from.
Joy Kathleen 7-year-old child accidentally semi-adopted by Richter.
Justice Zeff Graham He's just happy to be in a room with this much love.
Kelsie N/A Had coffee with Derek before his interview with Richard Therpston
Kendra Tiltington Kathleen Director of Waste Management for Nsburg. She would really, really like it if people stopped dropping off non-recyclable things at the Nsburg Recycling Center.
Lance Glint Ian Student council president at Nsburg High.
Lorna Schlitzwhistle Kathleen A local "expert" on pseudoscience and the supernatural. She keeps bees at her home in West Sump Acres and is very concerned about the effects of the "weefees" (wifi internet). She sells dreamcatchers on Etsy.
Melody Yum N/A Breakout star sideball player on the Literal Tigers. Was on fire last year, but she's out of the burn ward and ready to play.
Michael O'Leary Beej QWRP's third sports reporter, now business reporter. After the Property Lottery, now lives in the station closet.
Michael O'Leary (no relation) Ian Founder of a sanctuary from animals.
Mirtho the Clown N/A A clown that promises to take you to smileville
Muriel, the Old Wife Kathleen Lived in the QWRP FM studio and answered questions for Graham and Alex. Moved out when she got a 4-bedroom home in Raster Heights the 19-way swap Edith arranged after the Property Lottery.
Officer Steve Ian Officer of the Nsburg PD. Investigated the disappearance and reappearance of the pot holes from Highway 3 to the Shaughnessy. Runs the Nsburg Crimestallers tip hotline.
Orville & Wilbur Ronk Beej & Ian Brothers and inventors. Looking to build a solar-powered wind farm in Nsburg, but haven't yet secured the funding.
Ralph Ian Secret Pipesman and member of the Nsburg Geological Society. Appears to be the spokesperson for the Pipesmen, or at least the most polite member.
Raphael Crinklestouf Beej A local inventor and advocate for alternative fuels. He has used fermentation of human and other waste products to run an engine.
Richard Therpston Alex Founder of Therpston County and Therpston County Aldersm'n. Deceased.
Richard Therpston III Alex Pipesman and scion of the late Richard Therpston. Believes the rule of the county is his birthright.
Richter Hammockslam Ian QWRP's helicopter traffic "reporter."
Sadie Casperson Kathleen QWRP's meteorologist. Mostly forecasts divine vengeance.
Sandra Brentmore Kathleen President of the Nsburg Historical Rum Tunnel Society. Has a chronic case of laryngitis and/or allergies.
Steve N/A Writer for the Nsburg Sentinel. (Not to be confused with Officer Steve)
Woman from the Old Country Kathleen A local merchant who moved from the Old Country (unspecified, but hers), who crafts jams, aspics, and (presumably) other foodstuffs, out of questionable ingredients.