Qwerpline Ep41 - The Mayoral Race

Nsburg Statistics

File:Qwerpline-logo-s3e03.jpg

S3E01 Titlecard

Date: February 12, 2024

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner

Edited by: Kathleen De Vere

Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: Featherweight

Music: Bradley Rains

Description: It’s all-hands-on deck at QWRP as Nsburg experiences the traditional mayoral race.

Runtime: 19:46

Slogan: Birthplace of the Alone Ranger

• I hope he finds a mate someday

Sponsor: Fantastic Plastic Basket Gasket A space age polymer ring that keeps your picnic food in place

News

• The Nsburg Concentric Curling Center is now being used on Thursdays for ice dancing capoeira
• Fire gutted the historic Nsburg iceworks last night. The ammonia-rich facility had been operating for over 100 years before it finally burned down.

Live on Location

• Derek is at the starting paddock of The Mayoral Race. The results of the Electoral Reform Referendum were found to be deeply unconstitutional, so according to Therpston County law, Nsburg will now be forced to hold the traditional Mayoral Race.
• The rules are:
  • All candidates must choose a Champion to represent them in the Race.
    • You may only choose a Raccoon.
    • If you cannot afford a raccoon, one will be assigned to you.
  • All raccoons will be released within the starting circle, which is a three block radius around the town hall (unclear which town hall).
  • The owner of first raccoon that arrives at municipal Town Hall and alights upon the Mayoral Throne become Mayor elect.

Traffic

• Ritcher is the Race umpire and, as is tradition for that role, is taking bets. During the call another competitor enters the field: Richard Therpston III throwing potatoes to distract the opponents racoons.

Live on Location

• We return to ... no, it's Beatrice Landstraad, who has gotten close enough to Richard "Dick" Therpston III to conduct an "interview" with him and his toady Ralph. During this they run out of potatoes and move to plan B: the gun Dick inherited from his grandfather. It is loaded with rock salt.

Traffic

• Ritcher reports that 3 raccoons have made it inside town hall.

Live on Location

• Edith is at Town Hall. They have some race day specials.
  • You're going to want to avoid the Dank Ruggington Scotch Ale (you can really taste the peat)
  • The Shufflecat is a pretty standard bourbon based cocktail. Edith rates it however many thumbs a raccoon has.
  • The Tailringer is a layered kahlua shot. It's rated 0 thumbs up after 6 Shufflecats.
• Graham tries to get Edith to hurry to the municipal town hall for coverage of the finish. That may not go too well as the room is moving faster than Edith.
• Michael O'Leary's car is in the shop getting the rollcage remove and he can't run to the town hall
• They are about to have Gus gas up the mobile broadcast van when...
• ...Derek calls in from the throne room at town hall!
  • The throne is covered in carp, as is tradition for the finish line.
  • The 3 raccoons Ritcher saw entering town hall are fighting in the hallway.
  • Dick and Ralph burst in, scaring the opposing raccoons off. Ralph is carrying Dick's raccoon on his face. After some difficulty, and with injuries to Ralph, Dick pries his raccoon free, throwing it onto the throne, then the floor as he buries himself into the carp as Mayor elect.
  • Edith arrives and offers Ralph a Tailringer.

After the Break

• An interview with the winning raccoon, because G-Money will be damned if he's going to give our new mayor elect any airtime while he's covered in fish.
• Popular upcounty raw cake chain Ruth's Batter in Julesburg is expanding into Nsburg.

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