Qwerpline Ep05 - The Several Rs
Things are calming down to relative normalcy after the harvest festival. Derek is on location at the recycling plants, and another citizen with complaints finds the phone number.
Date: October 28, 2015
Editing and Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Devin "Featherweight" Harrigan
- "A Capital City!"
QWRP is required by the nsburg tourism board to inform you that 'capital' being used in this form is the adjective. It is not the actual capital city, which is Jewelsburg.
- It's the season for girl scout cookies again!
- A reminder from nsburg rec: the community pool is closed for the season, and has been for three weeks.
- Bumper Crops' Farms is pleased to announce the opening of their corn maze.
Richter Hammockslam is reporting from the Jewelsburg Motor Oval. He feels Chet Buntsman is a terrible sports reporter and that Richter could easily do his job. He is also blindfolded. Although he can see with his mind's eye, telepathy only gets you so far, so whoever is winning the race is not known.
It's the Arts!
Edith Slump won Turnip Princess at the Harvest Festival. She likes the tiara. The nsburg Symphony Orchestra is doing its annual "Art in the Park" concert series, in nsburg Municipal Park. The theme of the concert is "Attracting young people". Thursday night features a Taylor Swift greatest hits montage. Saturday night features the greatest hits of Skrillex. Sunday night features the return of Symphony Karaoke. The Symphony has been hard at work rehearsing with Ball Hinkley to finally nail Rap God.
Let's Go to the Phones
Happy Gunderson calls in, who is not happy. The crosswalk in his backyard is bothering him. The road is in front of his house, and behind him is the crosswalk (and scenic desert). It took the city three days to install the crosswalk. Alex and Graham then realize Happy's house is in the middle of the road, and that he is the owner of the Highway 3 Spite House. Alex heard about this at the secret pipesmen meeting (note: not actually that secret). The pipesmen are counter-spite-building Happy's spite-building.
Derek live on location
Derek interviews Kendra Tiltington, director of Waste Management at the newly opened nsburg recycling center. The citizens of nsburg were fans of recycling, but they didn't know what could and could not be recycled. After cleaning up the bodies, the center is once again open. To help the populace, the center has created the three Rs (of things you're not supposed to drop off there): Racoons, Radioactive, and Are You Serious? Why Would You Bring This To The Recycling Depot!? This includes things like:
- Mob victims
- Empty mattresses
- Full mattresses
- High ordinance explosives (exotic and domestic)
- Field hockey sticks
- Bags of razorblades
- Sacks of razorblades
- Pallets of razorblades
- A kiddie pool just filled with loose razorblades
Derek then advises the listeners to put all their things in a big sack and to bring it to the recycling center. Kendra vehemently disagrees.
- A municipal employee is beating Derek around the head and neck with a dead raccoon.
- Local rally hero The Chuzzler is finally back from Dakar.
- Hetty Resetti's Spaghetti Machete
When you're cooking for an army, fight off their hunger with Hetty Resetti's Spaghetti Machete. Get sweaty with ghetti. Alternatively: Get sweaty already!
- Capital is the fourth adjective down on dictionary.com, meaning excellent, or first-rate.
- Richard Therpston founded Therpston County in 1973, seceding from neighbouring Greensborough County. He then chose Jewelsburg as the county's capital.
- Alex's favourite flavour of girl scout cookies is "not the knees". Graham likes thick mints; Alex thinks those are alright too.
- The raccoons on the community pool deck are trained, but not certified.
- The nsburg Municipal Park is the only park big enough to host the nsburg Symphony Orchestra and its audience.
- Neil Everyman has won the Town Hall pub quiz five weeks running.
- The nsburg Symphony Orchestra has 8 timpanis.
- It's none of anyone's business what Happy Gunderson keeps in his garage.
- The nsburg police never found out who left the weapons grade plutonium at the recycling center.