Qwerpline Ep06 - Founding Father
Derek has an exclusive interview with the founder of Therpston Country, Richter has traffic, and it's sideball season!
Date: November 11, 2015
Editing and Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Devin "Featherweight" Harrigan
- "If you lived here... you'd live here!"
- The nsburg marathon is this weekend and will be closing some roads.
- The steeplechase is returning to the marathon despite a voluntary court mandate.
- nsburg search-and-rescue is in it's fourth day searching for eight missing people in the Bumper Crop farms corn maze. Thirteen search-and-rescue volunteers have also since gone missing.
Richter Hammockslam, meant to be helping the search-and-rescue efforts over Bumper Crop farms, has self-imposed a No Fly Zone over the corn maze and actually reports the traffic which is flowing smoothly. Girl Scouts helping an old lady cross the street is causing a backup on Fourth.
Sideball has started back up! Last year the nsburg High Literal Tigers came 5th in the Sideball Grinder. The December Grinder schedule for the Literal Tigers is:
- December 2nd: Home game at nsburg high
- December 6th: The Chuffield Topes
- December 9th: The Lesser Miami Buccaneers
- December 17th: The Heathston Mole Rats
- December 20th: The Jewelsburg Minors
Last year the Literal Tigers tried a triple-hammy but this year Coach McFeels will be focusing more on the north wall.
Notable players on the Literal Tigers:
- Johann O'Flaerty: A 14 year old with a thyroid problem which has caused substantial growth.
- Melody Yum: Last year's breakout star is returning as punter, nevermind that she was in the burn unit earlier this year.
- A lifelike replica of Salty Dahl, first turnstyle player, will be on second turnstyle.
Derek live on location
Derek interviews Richard Therpston: Therpston county aldersm'n and founder of Therpston county. While running to meet up with Richard Therpston, Derek chokes on some toast and somehow manages to score a date.
Later, while already in the cafe on fourth, Derek is accidentally on time to his interview with Richard Therpston. During the interview Mr. Therpston expresses his hopes for minimal steeplechase casualties this year and announces a new sports scholarship for youth in Therpston county. While explaining to Derek how and why he helped found Therpston county he drops dead into his muffins. Derek, upon realizing Mr. Therpston is dead and not just asleep, becomes worried that he is now haunted.
- More information on the death of Richard Therpston.
- A quarter-hour of hilarious pranks as QWRPline teams up with Jimmy Jams Afternoon Jams and the Prank Patrol.
- Mirtho the Clown, live in the studio, promises to take us to Smileville.
- Granny Marge's Man-Free Barges
"Take a relaxing cruise down the Shaughnessy river on our luxury barges without any pesky men around. Recharge on the barge!"
Alternatively: Who needs men anyway! Live large on the barge!
- The Town Hall (where you play pool and/or pay your taxes) has a new holiday drink, the Hot Tautology. Which is a jigger of warm scotch and another jigger of warm scotch.
- The Girl Scouts are technically mercenaries.
- Richter Hammockslam has no wife nor children.
- There is a city-imposed No Fly Zone over the Jewelsburg motor oval.
- Farmer Bumper does not accept cash for entry into the corn maze.
- Richard Therpston was meant to be the Grand Marshal of the nsburg marathon.
- The nsburg marathon starts with the firing of the ceremonial blunderbuss.
- Some of the Jewelsburg Minors have failed and are now past the age of majority.
- Alex used to play second turnstyle for the Literal Tigers.
- There will be a Literal Tigers sideball bake sale this weekend at the marathon in support of the team's orthodontics budget.
- Derek's calendar is a day behind because it bought it on discount at the mall last weekend. In October.
- Derek's dad doesn't like buying calendar's too early in the year as it leads to "bad planning..."
- Derek's dad thinks Richard Therpston has a "metric sh*t ton" of money.
- Gus is the QWERPline engineer who does the sound effects and whatnot.
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