LoadingReadyRun Streams Quotes

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Graham & Paul Let's Play

Dark

• Graham: "I can tell you about Sanctuary. Dude, they have twins, *twins*, working there, though the DJ doesn't know what she's doing. She's a real bitch."

Dark

• Graham begins level in a dead-end alley, facing out

Graham: "Where did I come in from?"

Dark

• Paul (making fun of the takedown animation): "By the rules of this game I'm playing, I have to die now."

Dark

• Graham: "Okay men, we're going up against dangerous vampires that have killed dozens of people, but the budget's a bit tight, so only half of you get armour."

Dark

• Paul: "I don't see how that's a special power. It's just teleporting and punching a guy."

Dark

• Paul: "These guys need a radio. Seriously. This is not the sort of information you should be sending over email."

Paul (imitating soldier): "Hey, did you get that message about me advancing? GMail's been acting weird lately."

Dark

• Paul: "What was your plan?"

Graham: "I was going to punch him, but he wasn't close enough."

Dark

• Graham: "Oh, food! No, wait, he's got armour."

Dark

• Graham (after finishing 'Dark'): "You know what we could do for the next hour?"

Paul: "Cry bitterly?"

Dark

• Paul (after finishing Dark): "We are no longer playing Dark." [pause] "Dark can Get. Fucked."

Dark -- YouTube (8:25)

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: *looking at a cake, playing as Aiden* "I threw it on the ground!" *cake explodes*

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "No burning?"

Graham: "Eh, I don't think we have to kill them all."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "So, you wanna sleep with the guy later?"

Graham: "Yeah, sure."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "My apologies to the people upset that we missed a thing, but I really don't care."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Jodie is expected to deliver a baby*

Graham: I don't... I... Key..."

Paul: "The CIA did not train me for this."

Beyond: Two Souls

• Graham: "X to comfort!"

Paul: "You have failed the comforting mini-game. She is not comforted at all."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *A QTE appears for Jodie to cut the umbilical cord*

Graham: "Oh God, don't fuck this up."

Paul: "Why is cutting the cord like a God of War sequence?"

Beyond: Two Souls

• Paul: "It's like 'Think, Jodie, think... I know, the ghost thing that's the point of this game! I'll use that!'"

Graham: "'I'm a genius!'"

Paul: "'...The thing that I use to solve every single problem!'"

Graham: "'It's brilliant!'"

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Jodie knocks on the door and a very handsome Native American answers it*

Jodie: "I'm so sorry to disturb you"

Graham: "...you massive hunk of man."

Beyond: Two Souls

• *A guard turns Jodie away from the Supermarket*

Graham: "What, you just know she's homeless, and you're all like: 'Ah-ah-ah!'"

Paul: "Well she is all roughed up..."

Graham: "It could be Exam Period!"

Beyond: Two Souls

• *Paul notices that Aiden is no longer tied to Jodie*

Paul: "I'm freeeeeee!"

*gets blocked by wall*

Paul: "Aww."

Beyond: Two Souls

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: "You have lost your RPG privileges young man."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Paul: *reading chat* "Did you just fight a helicopter with a sword?" Yes. If you have a problem with this, get out.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Graham: "I may have accidentally destroyed that train car."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance'

• Paul: "This bad guy comes pre-sliced."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance'

• Graham: "I forgot I had the thing made of arms."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance'

• Graham: *after having a game mechanic explained in a near-end final boss fight* "OH! That explains EVERY QUESTION I HAD WITH THIS COMBAT SYSTEM."

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance'

Beej's Backlog

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Oh god, it begins."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Oh, right. The nineties."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Opening cut-scene shows pirate ships

Beej: "So for those of you tuning in, we are playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. The reason it looks like garbage is because I'm playing it on your least favorite video game system - you can fill in THAT blank however you like."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "I'm totally getting this game-OH, JESUS!"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "Do I slide to the bottom, or do I just keep humping poles?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "I stabbed between her legs, didn't I?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej (after the camera clips through an enemy): "Hey, did you guys ever want to see the ass-end of an exploding dog?"

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "You take forever to get up you dumb dick."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej: "She's naked. She's not invincible."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

• Beej (on failing to be able to complete the game due to a game-breaking portal glitch right before the last boss battle) : "Get bent, Ubisoft."

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

Odama

• Just about everyone at some point: "Thanks, Odama!"

Odama

• Beej: "How do I launch rice balls?"

Odama

• Beej: "Does he have giant hands? Why is there...? What the hell is that thing?"

Odama

• Beej: "Nooo! Give me my Odama back!"

Odama

• Beej: "Stop fucking talking so I can see the ball!"

Odama

• Beej: "Shitty McFucks! My guys can't do dick all!"

Odama

• Beej: "Don't press the X button while you're having a rant, because these guys don't understand English!"

Odama

• Beej: "Here! Have a morale bong!"

Odama

• Beej: *in happy voice* "Oh really?! Oh wow! That sucks! FUCK YOU!"

Odama

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I bet ya I need more of that weed."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I thought this would be actual food."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "We're going to play until I can grow something successful, get another animal, and either make friends with the old lady, or marry a cat."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *regarding sketchy guy* "OK, just walk around my farm. I don't mind. Please don't murder me."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "It's sunset and I'm missing it because I'm watering my fucking plants."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "It's 3 AM. What the fuck am I doing up?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "Look! A tomato I grew! Wanna get married?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I thought you were a girl, too. Are you picking me up? I've got some news for ya, kid."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "Did I milk the wrong half of the cow?"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I'm probably going to drink one of the milks, and then probably the second one."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Alex: "You're just slamming unpasteurized milk? That's H-core!"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "That's the thing about Dixbutt. If Dixbutt is happy, you get better cows."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *picks up unknown object off the ground and eats it* "Mmmm... Fresh... thing..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Alex: "Twitter and Tumblr are really a getting senpai to notice you simulator."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: *to Nami, who won't take the milk he's offering her* "You drink my fucking milk!"

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I wouldn't put a human body in the compost heap. That'd be terrible for the compost."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "I have a dog and I don't know..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "OK, I walk into her butt..."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

• Beej: "He has been underground so long, he has phosphorescent urine."

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

IDDQDERP

Main Article: IDDQDERP

Metro: Last Light

• Alex aiming a sniper rifle at a bad guy's head

Alex: "What do you think his hopes and dreams look like?"

Cam: "Let's have a look."

Boom, headshot.

Metro: Last Light

• Cam sounding out a sign written in Russian

Alex: "Wait, you can read that!?"

Cam: "Well, Cyrillic is heavily based in Greek, right?"

Alex: "...You can read Greek?"

Metro: Last Light

Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "You got the Belt of Truth!"

Cam: "What about the socks of righteousness?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "So this really looks like Quake, right? But like BAD Quake?"

Alex: "This...this looks like Quake by way of Doom or Wolfenstein."

Cam: "Yeah, this looks like not Quake; like...Heretic?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "Are those blood drops on his pool cue!?"

Graham cracks up

Alex: "What are we even looking at?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "It's just as good as any game a heathen would play."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "This is like "The Room" of video games."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Pick up the scroll; it'll explain everything."

Alex: "Will it? I suspect it will explain nothing."

Alex picks up the scroll and reads it

Alex *laughing*: "Who takes drugs out of a test tube?"

Cam: "Especially if they're carrying a MAC10?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "This is like the game Insane Clown Posse would make."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex repeats the start of the game for the third time

Alex: "I am OFFENDED that I'm getting better at this game."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Wh... Why is there a sub-ocean?!"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "I just do not know whether to shit or go blind."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Graham: "Can you get the door?"

Alex: "Is that a door? Is anything real? Am I real?"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Alex: "OK, let's try and break the brown cube that materialized over the lava gate."

Graham: "You say that like it's going to be so hard."

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL! (stage music)

Alex: WE TRIED STANDING AGAINST THE DEVIL, IT DIDN'T WORK!

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

• Cam: "The only thing I can take away from this game is that there is no God"

Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

Killing Floor

• Alex: "You can't just scream like that for no reason!"

Killing Floor

• Alex: "Really? KFC chips are salty? In other news, the sky is blue."

Killing Floor

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "♫Ride into the YOLO Zone.♫" (to the tune of "Danger Zone")

Cam: "I hate you so much."

Alex: "I'm sorry."

Cam: "I don't think that's true."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Cam: "What was on the other side of that door?"

Alex: "What do you mean 'was'?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex looting a bad guy after taking him down with a lot of ammo used

Alex: "This guy does not have the bullets I need."

Cam: "Well, he has one of them, at least."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex finishes clearing out a bandit encampment

Cam: "How many Russians have you murdered today?"

Alex: "None! They're all Ukrainian."

Cam: Oh. Well, that's all right then."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Graham (off-camera): "Can you be straight murdered a little more quietly?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex just straight up drinks two CASES of vodka. POV goes full QWOP

Alex: "Boy, are we ever drunk."

Cam: "It's like I'm at PAX again."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex respawns for around the fifth time in the same section

Alex: "Get fucked!"

Alex tosses a grenade into the next room

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: *deadpan* "Screw you, rebar."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Sidorovich (NPC): "You got the loot?"

Alex: "Is.. is.. is that a... that a sex thing?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "HO! They are really rushin'. RushING. They're not Rus... Well, they probably actually are Russian."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Speaker: shouting an automated message in Russian

Alex: "Did he say he wanted a pizza?"

Speaker: (later) shouting same message

Alex: "He does want a pizza!"

Speaker: (later) shouting same message

Alex: *annoyed* "You can't have a pizza."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex dies for around the sixth time in the same section

Alex: "That was the game's way of punishing us for abandoning 'stoppin' powah'"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "Chat's giving you shit for passing the P90."

Alex: "Shut up. You're not better than me."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Was that a Beyond Thunderdome reference?!"

Beej: "Yep."

Alex: "I don't know if I'm more offended that you made that reference or that I got it."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "You know what a catheter is?"

Alex: "Beej, this is my stream. I don't want to hear about your stream."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Beej: "You have no idea how happy you can be to be able to pee again."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Why is there just a pelvis? ... Like, did that guy just poop his pelvis out? That's pretty upsetting."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "That uh, for those of you who've never seen one before, is a *zombie appears* nneeenurk burnurfnurgle"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Serge, your plan isn't working. Serge! Your plan is completely murdering me!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "What? You're covered in cat too? What is wrong with you people?"

Graham (off-camera): "Have you seen my cat? That's why I'm covered in fur."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "Why are there tentacles in our chest?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Apparently, our blind spot is directly in front of us. That's not good."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Serge: "Grenades solve everything."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "Welcome to S.T.A.L.K.E.R.! Is that a rock?!"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: "It's some sort of weird mystery gun."

Serge: "Does it take bullets?"

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

• Alex: *scared by monster* "Hold me, Serge."

Serge: "You're covered in cat, or else I would."

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

Payday 2: The Heist

• Alex: "Apparently, I loaded my gun with chewing gum this morning."

Payday 2: The Heist

• AeroCmdr: "I'm throwing a grenade."

Alex: "Where, where are you throwing a grenade? That's relevant information."

Payday 2: The Heist

• Shielded police appears from around the corner

Alex: "Oh no! What a bad time to have a" *gets shot down* "erburgermorglefurdle..."

Payday 2: The Heist

• Alex: "Oh, shit a dick nose!"

AeroCmdr: "Shit a dick nose?"

Alex: "Yes. Did I stutter or something?"

Payday 2: The Heist

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "You can't eat pelvises in this mod? Immersion ruined!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "Did that helicopter just throw bones at us?"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "At the risk of crashing the game..."

Activates bullet time

Game crashes

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "I think there's another sniper...♫"

Dies

Alex: ಠ_ಠ

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Tosses Antlion Guard up on to platform, where it mauls a Combine soldier

Alex: DEAL WITH IT!

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Charges weapon

Alex: "KA-ME-HA-MEopps"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "I'll eat your invisible meat!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Shoots a chair at an enemy

Alex: "We've decided to appoint you the chair."/"Have a seat."

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex: "No, no, we'll do this properly."

Pulls out shovel and destroys everything in sight

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Alex turns a corner and a fast zombie charges at him

Alex: "Fuck yo' couch!"

Launches couch at zombie

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Rebel: "We're looking to join you Dr. Freeman."

Alex: throws exploding banana at her

Half Life 2: SMOD

• Destroys wardrobe with shovel

Alex: "Take this, Aslan!"

Half Life 2: SMOD

Dishonored

• Alex: "If Deadpool was committed to not killing people, he would be Good Guy Corvo."

Dishonored

• Alex: "Good Guy Corvo apologizes."

Dishonored

• After twice shooting a guard with a tranquilizer dart only to find him in a pool of blood

Alex: "Did he fall on his sword? Or is this guy just a hemophiliac?!"

Dishonored

• Alex: "Oh shit! Why did he explode?!"

Dishonored

Dementium 2: HD

• After yet another Chestmaw rises out of floor to try and bar his progress, Alex raises a sledgehammer*

Alex: "Whatever, I'm gonna smash your no-shadow-casting ass."

Dementium 2: HD

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "What the fuck is a gabble-wing?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Right. Now where was I, before I was so *rudely* interrupted by people doing their fucking job?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Is that a jar of raven?"

Thief (2014)

• Alex: "Is this seriously a brothel? It's got a bat dispenser."

Thief (2014)

• *NPCs arguing with each other while the rug is burning*

Alex: "Shit's on fire, yo!"

Thief (2014)

Teslagrad

Alex: (Singing) "Just gonna fist all of the pillbugs"

Teslagrad

Alex: (Singing) "Don't take that out of context"

Teslagrad

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I don't know what this is, but I'm going to blow it up! It looks important!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Try my bullet sauce!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I think I got killed by a punk band."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *enemy explodes a guy using a laser whip* "Cool! I want it!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *zaps dying teammate with laser whip* "LIVE!"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Come here! I want to tell you story about bullet! Here is sequel! It's about more bullet! Did you like it?"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: *sliding down a water-slide* "We're having a good time! No, we're drowning..."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Gonna shoot you in the dick! That was not your dick; it was your thigh. That was your leg."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Just stop having momentum..."

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "Why are you made out of Cheetos?"

Bulletstorm

• Alex: "I am Morgan Freeman and I am going up your ass."

Bulletstorm

The Book of Passwords

Metal Gear 2

• Graham: "Capture card? Capture card!"

Metal Gear 2

• Jer: "The cheetah has lost to a snake?"

Graham: "Well, if the cheetah runs into a mine..."

Metal Gear 2

• Graham: "When you get to Big Boss, can you ask him why he has random children just littering his facility?"

Jer: "There was talk of war orphans at some point..."

Graham: "It's pronounced 'Warphans'."

Metal Gear 2

Marathon

• Ian to Jer: "I am very sorry for fisting you as hard as I can."

Marathon

• Jer: "I want to find out what this is." *turns corner* "It's a barrel."

Marathon

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "That bat has a sword. Why does that bat have a sword?"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "You can Moonwalk? You... can... Moonwalk?"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "Dracula has harpies in his clock tower his whole life. 'I'm sorry, but you've got a case of harpies.'"

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Jer: "I'm sorry. I cannot talk and speak at the same time."

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

• Graham: "Jer, I will tell you when you have big balls."

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

Strider

• Alex: "Why do you collect a guy?"

Strider

• Jer: "Why are they carrying a bus?"

Strider

Diablo

• Paul: "A sign. You want me to fight deamons for A sign."

Slightly later:

Paul: "It's a sign! Make a new one!"

Diablo

Jet Grind Radio

• Jer: "Don't take that police officer to the bathroom, Ash. That's really creepy."

Jet Grind Radio

• Jer: "A train is going through you, at this second."

Jet Grind Radio

• Ash: "Getting hit by buses: super-bad for your health."

Jet Grind Radio

Kathleen Saves the World

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "EFF! EFF! EFF!"

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "Get fucked Dante! [...] What a shitbag."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "Thanks for destroying the world, ass-hat!"

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: *sweetly* "Awwww... Thank you... Go fuck yourself."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

• Kathleen: "I'm so mad. My face hurts from snarling."

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

South Park: The Stick of Truth

• Graham: "Oh hey, you're friends with Jesus."

Kathleen: "Turns out Jesus is really easy to be friends with."

Graham: "I should hope so."

South Park: The Stick of Truth

A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

Main Article: A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Would you look at that mustache? That must be the most handsome man in XCOM."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Who wants to buy a bullet-ridden corpse? Come on - we took out the important bits and replaced them with holes!" Video at 2:23:34

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Pardonfuck?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Here, I've got something I need you to hold; it's called 'lots of bullets'." Video at 2:34:01

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "♫Napalm sticks to little children; all the children of the world♫"

(to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children") Video at 2:03:50

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'm sure the inquiry will say he was killed by Martians."

After accidentally killing a civilian Video at 2:32:47

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "That was a reasonably good turn." *takes a drink of his beverage*

As he's saying this, a Chrysalid he thought was dead bursts through the door

Cam: *nearly chokes on drink* "Hi!"

Chrysalid chows down on Bill DaCat

Cam: "Awww... You were important." Video at 2:34:46

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "We died as we lived; making the wrong choice."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Put on your damn helmet, rookie!"

XCOM: Enemy Within (repeatedly)

• Cam: "Even though it's in Edmonton"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "♫I don't want to set your van on fire... I just want start a flame in your *PSHEW!*♫"

(to the tune of "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire")

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "You: Please replace that man's internal organs with holes." *fires* "Thank you."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "The Moonbase is mine now."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I hate you all and wish you were dead. Luckily, I'll get my wish."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I found a pie in the fridge, and I'm gonna eat it, and deal with the consequences. But, I need pie right now."

After stealing pie from the Moonbase fridge during a particularly bad stream of XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I have seriously chewed through every woman who watches this show."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Please report to Doctor Vahlen to have your legs amputated."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "What's that green thing? Is that a man?"

Cam: "Um..."

Alex: "Was it a man?"

Cam: "Don't worry about it."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "We're almost definitely going to be tripping a group up here soon."

Alex: "Wait? The pigeons?"

Cam: "No, the pigeons are just hanging out."

Alex: "I bet they're aliens."

Cam: "Don't you hate on pigeons! You son of a bitch!"

Alex: "I hate on alien pigeons."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Squaddie Devin Kerr: "Enemy spotted!"

Alex and Cam: "D'oh!"

Alex: "That's a lot of... man-zorrs..."

Cam: "Eh... They'll be fine."

Alex: "... running like purple monkeys inside."

Cam: "..." *smiles* "Odd... OK..."

Alex: "Well..."

Cam: "Um..."

Alex: "They look like purple monkeys."

Cam: *mock offended* "Racist!"

Alex: "That's...!" *throws hands in air* "Sure!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "I assume you only have one rocket per round. Right?"

Cam: "Yeah."

Alex: "That sucks, but it's reasonable, 'cause rockets don't grow on trees."

Cam: "They definitely do not."

Alex: "I don't think I wanna visit that tree, if there was..."

Cam: "Yeah, no. The Rocket Tree?"

Alex: *laughs*

Cam: "The Rocket Tree is..."

Alex: "Rocketry. Amateur Rocketry. It's like, we're going to pick some today, and you're going to be REEEEEEALLY careful."

Cam: "Agreed."

Alex: "Turns out turn-over in this job is very high... Just like the bloody chunks."

Cam: "Welcome to the Rocketry Orchard!"

(...)

Cam: "The Rocket Tree, with the Farmer Von Braun."

Alex: *laughs*

Cam: "Watch out for Old Man Von Braun."

Alex: *bad German accent* "'Vonce the rockets are up, who cares vhere they come down? That's not my department,' says Wernher Von Braun."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Aww, Dr. Vahlen, did someone take away one of your toys? File a complaint with HR."

After destroying a Meld canister

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Alex: "What's that vortex?"

Cam: "That's where Mexico used to be."

Alex: "Used to be?"

Cam: "Don't worry about it."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'm glad this version of the Earth is doomed."

Alex: "This doomed world-line."

Cam "Yep. Every saved game that we pave results in the extinction of humans on that world, and by that point, I'm pretty happy. I could just sit here all night paving saved games and thinking: Seven billion, fourteen billion, twenty-one billion..."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "How is everyone this week? Doing well? Alright. Let's get y'all shot."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Six turns? If there's anything left moving on this map in six turns, I'm going to be disappointed."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "That's the third time today she's been strangled. She's basically Cheryl from Archer."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Our only other option is... well. Hm. That was our good option."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I never thought I'd be able to kill this many people in my life. Thank you, everyone."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "You. Rectify your earlier mistake."

Soldier blows sectoid away

Cam: "Adequate."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I want to missile you so hard."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh yeah, who's getting real food when we get back to base? (Asterisk.)"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "I'd like to think my office would have bookshelves. Pillows. A eunuch with a palm frond. You know, the essentials."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *opens door, tripping a group of sectoids* "Hi! Candygram!" *tosses a grenade*

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "If you want to see the end-game content, there's a really easy way to do that."

Lars: "Play on easy like I did?"

Cam: "...true."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh for fucking out loud."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *after getting distracted by amusing rookie names* "Where was I going with this? I was definitely thinking words."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "...giant floppy donkey dicks..."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Oh, a new subscriber! freelance108, welcome to A Swiftly Tilting Cameron, be sure to add your name to the list so I can get you killed."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *after talking about how much he likes the game, a soldier misses a 99% shot* "I fucking hate this game so much."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Lars: *after Rookie Han is the only one left alive* "You got this Han. You could say he's going solo."

Cam: "I will kill you. I will actually kill you."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Attention aliens."

*fires rocket*

Cam: "Get wrecked."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Now, this assault guy should be able to-"

*soldier annihilated*

Cam: "...oh shit!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Let's get... Theatrical"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *dismissing low-ranked soldiers in his home game* "Your contribution to Earth's defense has been noted. Thank you, come again."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: *After alien leader mentions something about power being in his grasp* "I'll put something in your grasp. No, wait, what?"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam: "Welcome to Urf."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes during final cut-scene*

Cam: *headdesk*

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes again, fails to give achievement*

Cam: "Oh for titting fuck shit! Ball chunder!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *game crashes a third time, fails to give achievement*

Cam: "NO, YOU SON OF A... I'll KILL YOU! I! WILL! KILL! YOU!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *final boss keeps reflecting attacks*

Cam: "Dear mother-fucker: Get wrecked."

XCOM: Enemy Within

• *Cam tries to skip the final cut-scene*

Cam: "Bypass all the encryptions!"

*Windows home screen appears*

Cam: "No, not like that!"

XCOM: Enemy Within

• Cam (shakily, after the third CTD): "When they said... 'Impossible'... I didn't think they actually meant..."

XCOM: Enemy Within

Theif: The Dark Project

• *Cam turns a corner and runs straight into two guards*

Cam: "...bother."

Theif: The Dark Project

• Cam: "Hold still, I'm trying to sock you!"

Theif: The Dark Project

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Aww, did your stupid shit get wrecked?"

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Aww...our ships."

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Oh, they've got tanks! I love watching tanks explode!"

Master of Orion 2

• Cam: "Bye! I accidentally your entire colony."

Master of Orion 2

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam (after rival civilization achieves classical era): "Shit. We're going to lose."

Lars: "Wait, really?"

Cam: "Oh, we're playing Emperor. We were never going to win."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam: "Chat, there is absolutely no circumstance under which you could get me to take my shirt off."

Civilization V: Brave New World

• Cam (surprising a barbarian): "Did you guys forget about Dre? It's not recommended that you forget about Dre."

Civilization V: Brave New World

Video Games with Video James

Minecraft

• James: *checking stream on the phone to check video quality* "Oh my God, move, me from the past!"

Minecraft

• James: "Oh shit, there's a whole tree over there! Oh, wait. That's my tree. DURR!"

Minecraft

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "How do I shield? How do I shield? Does anyone know how to shield?"

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "P.S. You can do magic now."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• NPC: "Welcome to Gorhart!"

James: "Nobody cares."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

• James: "You will know my name because wherever I go, there will be dead chickens in my path."

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

LRRMTG

• Graham: "Kathleen's at the gym, but she's coming back when she's done on the elliptical... which is just her reading The Economist."

Magic: the Gathering Online

• Nirvana: "What does our deck even do?"

Graham: *contemplating many cuts* "It kills people... It kills people really good."

Magic: the Gathering Online

House of Stark

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "You just straight up killed the president, you DINK!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Friend balloon! Nooo!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Because God forbid I move A CHAIR."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Who keeps giving you a shotgun?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham shooting Rasklapanjes in a toilet

Graham: "Alright, I am never going to the toilet in China, ever again."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "If a person gets hit by a bus, the bus is winning."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "It's a good thing we're on the express; you don't find this much ammo on the local."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham facepalms

Graham: "When did this become a Rom-Com?"

Resident Evil 6

• Maya: "He's eating them and making himself stronger! Because zombies are additive!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "That's what you're going to say, 'He just doesn't quit', as opposed to 'WHAT THE MOTHERING SHIT WAS THAT?!'"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Ha! Screw your bonsai tree!"

Maya: "I spent so many years growing that tree!"

Graham:" Yeah? Well, now an American is here to save from it."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "That is no longer Marco, that is a swarm of- what in the hell?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Only the finest Dim-Sum restaurants serve grenade launcher ammo with the meal."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Dix, I know this isn't your branch of the military, but do aircraft carriers usually have vats of lava?"

Dix (in chat): "UH WHAT"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Chris Vs. Leon! Who will win? Nobody cares."

Resident Evil 6

• Recurring:

Graham: "SHOOT {Him/Her}!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Why aren't they talking in Chinese? Why are they using racist movie Chinese?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *pushes enemy over rail* "Have a nice trip... See you next... eat my ass."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Oh no! I hate the testicle wasps!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "I mean come back, I guess? I don't really wish to associate with you further, but I think that's part of my mission."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Chris, level with me: how much have you had to drink today? Seriously?"

Resident Evil 6

• As a three-story zombie appears

Graham: "Uhm... question. Ya'll see that, right? I haven't had too much peanut sauce?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Hey; just cuz you've got your memory back doesn't make you the boss of me!" [pause] "That you are the Captain of this squad technically makes you the boss of me, but I still don't have to like it!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "J'avooooo...come out to plaaaaaayyyyy..."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Bruce Willis is, Jake Kickpunch in, 'Die Hard: Live Free, or Fuck Off'"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *sees an icon on a corpse* "Can I vault that?"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: *shoots zombies off a ladder one by one* "This is my new favorite thing!"

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "I don't like these guys. They're weird and... weird."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "Oh! It's a cutscene. We're fine."

Resident Evil 6

• Graham: "35... money... for this textured pile?! Amazing!"

(later)

Graham: "35 money is an amount! These are on sale for 15!"

Resident Evil 6

• *Graham sniping zombies*

Graham: "Hey lady."

*gunshot*

Graham: "Hey dude."

*gunshot*

Graham: "Hey other lady."

*gunshot*

Resident Evil 6

• While fighting T-Rex!Simmons in a helicopter

Graham: "Oh hey Dix. Again, not your branch of the military, but d'you have any idea how much ordnance a helicopter like this usually carries?"

Dix: (in chat) "Absolutely no idea. Get back to me in like 2 years after I drop a Helicopter flight officer packet."

Resident Evil 6

• Fighting Simmons

Simmons: "Every last piece of you belongs to me!"

Graham: "What, all of it? Including the taint? And the back of the knee?"

Resident Evil 6

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Demon fliers: They can get fucked."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Arizona: There ain't shit."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *watching evil double wrap hand* "Is he making land-line knuckles? The worst garrote in the world? What is going on? He is making land-line knuckles... Why do we have to do this over Skype?"

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in "Dark" voice, in response to an on-screen command* "Tell me about the signal."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Okay, what do you want me to put in you: spiders or the D? Because I'm super not okay with one of them, and I probably shouldn't do the other one either."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Ha! Oh... I thought I had a different gun equipped. But it still worked out well, so my 'Ha!' still stands."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Everything's fine. We're just caught in a time loop."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Alan Wake. The man who came to kick ass and chew bubblegum and found himself, unfortunately, entirely out of gum."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Graham: "Wow, he just walked through that cactus like he did not care about his genitals."

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

• Kathleen: "Is his long term plan to kill Alan through Vitamin D deficiency?"

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: "What light is this?! What is lighting me?! I want to kill it!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *lifts prisoner out of cage* "Yoink!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *to chopper* "Do NOT land on my prisoners!"

*chopper slowly descends above prisoners* "Don't do it."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *accidentally runs over a guy with the truck, alerting everyone* "Shit!"

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *driving a tank, in a silly, ironic voice* "I'm being stealthy! Hello!" *fires tank's gun*

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: *mockingly* "We're engaged with an enemy force. We're getting married in the spring."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

• Graham: "I think I just crushed a rat by diving on it."

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

Goat Simulator

• Graham: "I can't disengage the blowhole!"

Goat Simulator

• Alex: *as the all-traits-but-robot goat flails horrifyingly into the sky* "Godspeed, young cosmogoat."

Goat Simulator

• Alex: *walks into in-game version of developer's studio with the all-traits-but-robot goat* "Mother! I have come for you! Why did you make me!?"

Goat Simulator

• Kathleen: "They're still having their picnic."

Graham: "Not for long!" *dumps whale on picnic table*

Goat Simulator

Let's Nope

Outlast

• Alex: "Where the frick is the frickin' frick that I'm supposed to frick?"

Outlast

• Alex: "Where's the 'bite your own tongue and bleed to death' button? Is it 'K"? No, that didn't work."

Outlast

• Graham: *explaining why the stream went down* "I believe the technical term for this is the program shit its ass inside-out."

Outlast

• Graham: "I expected worse."

Alex: "Worse than getting your fingers cut off by a fucking toilet knife!?"

Graham: "Toilet scissors, please."

Outlast

• Graham: "Uh...what? LRRBot subscribed? Skynet, thank you for subscribing!"

Outlast

• Alex hides in a locker

Cam: "Canned meat."

Alex: "Thanks Cam."

Outlast

• Graham: "The laundry chute needs three fuses."

Alex: "Three!?"

Kathleen: "Get fucked!"

Alex: "Fffffffffffffff"

Outlast

• Alex: "He hasn't spaghetted us yet."

Graham: "He's sphagetting right for you."

Alex: "He can spaghett fucked."

Outlast

• Alex opens door to find an ice tunnel

Kathleen: "We're in a Bond lair."

Outlast

• "Crumple Wiltskin" gets owned by the Walrider

Alex (raises camera): "I'm YouTubing this shit!"

Outlast'

• Alex finds a severed head in a jar

Graham (muffled): "I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my least-favourite jar on the Citadel."

Outlast'

• Game displays "New objective: Get out."

Alex: "What do you mean *new* objective!?"

Outlast'

Crossing the Streams

• Alex: *while being pursued by a pack of Creepers* "Oh shit. Double shit. A thousand shit."

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "I'm just going to-" *walks into lava* "...oh."

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• *explosion*

Alex *off-camera*: *screams*

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "AnimusFallen has just- OH GOD THERE'S SILVERFISH EVERYWHERE!"

Minecraft: Super Hostile

• Graham: "I FOUND THE WOOL! IT'S THROUGH A ROOM OF NOTHING BUT DEATH!"

Minecraft: Super Hostile

Non-LRL Streams

StreamBros

Titanfall

• Game: "Warning! Another titan is attacking you!"

Matt: *facing and directly engaged in battle with said titan* "I can tell..."

Titanfall

• Matt: *after shooting a teammate accidentally* "Something something, check your corners. Something something, friendly fire."

Titanfall

• Andrew: "There are like 40 guys around."

Matt: "They're inside this building."

Andrew: *gets lost* "This? No..."

Matt: "Clearly not in that part of the building. That is a wall, Andrew."

Titanfall

• Matt (to Andrew): "There's a dude on that roof! There's a dude on that roof! You should shoot the dude on that roof!"

Titanfall

• Matt: "Victory!"

Andrew: "I shall celebrate by shooting that guy."

Matt: "By shooting that dude straight in the face."

Titanfall

• Andrew: *regarding microphone issues on the Kinect* "I think we're going in and out depending on..." *sound cuts out as he continues speaking*

Titanfall

• Matt: "Basically, Ashton and myself, and uh... LeeLee and Andrew should all just get together and make our own sketch comedy troupe, with blackjack and hookers. It'll be great! LRR North!"

Titanfall

• Matt: "Matt 'Bounces Off Walls' Wiggins!"

Titanfall

• Andrew: "When we sign off of here in a little bit, we're going to watch the new Captain America movie."

Matt: "CAPTAIN 'MERIKUH!"

Andrew: "Holy shit, that game looks amazing!"

Matt: "Uh... That's a movie."

Andrew: "That movie looks amazing, too!"

Matt: "I don't there is a new Captain Amovie..."

Andrew: "I don't think so, either."

Matt: "CAPTAIN AMOVIEKA!"

Andrew: "Captain of Movies!"

Titanfall

• Matt: *chooses "Massive Payload" burn card*

Andrew: "Would you like to hear about my massive payload?"

Matt: *turns to face Andrew slowly*

Titanfall

• Matt: *checking the quotes page* "I don't remember saying half of these things."

Titanfall

• Matt: "That's a titan. It can see you. And you're dead."

Andrew: "That was just a guy."

Matt: "That was an AI guy, too."

Titanfall

Peggle 2

• Andrew: "Did I just de-op us from our own channel?"

Peggle 2

• Matt: "Matt 'Has a ton of balls' Wiggins"

Peggle 2