List of Minor Qwerpline Characters

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This page lists minor recurring characters that have appeared on the podcast Qwerpline. For major characters and studio staff, see Qwerpline Characters.

Recurring Characters

  • Lorna Schlitzwhistle is a local "expert" on pseudoscience and the supernatural. She keeps bees at her home in West Sump Acres and is very concerned about the effects of the "weefees" (wifi internet). She sells dreamcatchers on Etsy.
  • Ball Hinkley is a local business owner and author. He sells organic perfumes made from locally sourced items from around his home in East Sump Acres.
  • Raphael Crinklestouf is a local inventor and advocate for alternative fuels. He has used fermentation of human and other waste products to run an engine.
  • Granton Bumper, owner of Bumper Crop Farms and its ill-fated Corn Maze. Entered a large radish approximately 1 foot wide at the Harvest Festival competition. Grew the Bumper Crop Farm Corn Maze for Halloween, which led to the disappearances of 21 people. Later found religion and built a 20-foot "Jesus Cristo" out of corn husks, which was accidentally destroyed by Derek.
  • Woman from the Old Country, a local merchant who moved from the Old Country (unspecified, but hers), who crafts jams, aspics, and (presumably) other foodstuffs, out of questionable ingredients.
  • Ralph, secret Pipesman and member of the Nsburg Geological Society. Appears to be the spokesperson for the Pipesmen, or at least the most polite member.
  • Richard Therpston III, Pipesman and scion of the late Richard Therpston. Believes the rule of the county is his birthright.
  • Darren von Spront, a local (possibly self-proclaimed) tech wunderkind. He engaged in a patent dispute with Raphael Crinklestouf, and discovered a new (and extremely radioactive) element.
  • Kendra Tiltington, Director of Waste Management for Nsburg. She would really, really like it if people stopped dropping off non-recyclable things at the Nsburg Recycling Center.
  • Sandra Brentmore, President of the Nsburg Historical Rum Tunnel Society. Has a chronic case of laryngitis and/or allergies.
  • Joy, 7-year-old child accidentally semi-adopted by Richter.


Minor Characters

  • Richard Therpston, founder of Therpston County and Therpston County Aldersm'n. Deceased.
  • Happy Gunderson, owner of a "spite house" in the middle of Highway 3. Frequently harassed by the Pipesmen.
  • Officer Steve of the Nsburg PD. Investigated the disappearance and reappearance of the pot holes from Highway 3 to the Shaughnessy. Runs the Nsburg Crimestallers tip hotline.
  • Dr. Melissa McFeels, coach of the Nsburg High Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team. Always gives 110%.
  • Muriel, the Old Wife - Lived in the QWRP FM studio and answered questions for Graham and Alex. Moved out when she won a 4-bedroom home in Raster Heights in the Property Lottery.
  • Joan - QWRP station manager. Referenced, although never heard from.
  • Jeff - QWRP station accountant. Referenced, but never appears. Has to deal with Derek charging random items to the station.
  • Captain John Gordon - Sole member of the Nsburg Volunteer Coast Guard.
  • Barbara Dooley - She's a birder.
  • Horatio Toot-Toot - Ran Captain Toot-Toot's Seafood Buffet and, briefly, the QWRP FM broadcast studio. Eventually made enough money to buy a boat and return to the sea whence he came.
  • Michael O'Leary (no relation) - Founder of a sanctuary from animals.
  • Dr. Slavoj Dinkwither - Member of the University of Chuffield's Extremophile Research Institute. Visited Nsburg to study nsberries. Would like you to mail him your poop.
  • Justice Zeff - He's just happy to be in a room with this much love.
  • Melody Yum - Breakout star sideball player on the Literal Tigers. Was on fire last year, but she's out of the burn ward and ready to play.
  • Orville & Wilbur Ronk - Brothers and inventors. Looking to build a solar-powered wind farm in Nsburg, but haven't yet secured the funding.
  • Dale "The Chuzzler" Chuzzle - Professional rally-car driver and local celebrity. Competed at Dakar and Le Mans, although he lost.
  • Lance Glint - Student council president at Nsburg High.
  • Mirtho the Clown
  • False Dmitri the IX, aka Kaylee - Day manager at the Weiner Czar. Went on a date with Derek.