Difference between revisions of "Qwerpline Ep23 - Strike Week Transcript"

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Transcript for [[Qwerpline Ep23 - Strike Week]]
{{QwerplineTranscript|Qwerpline Ep23 - Strike Week}}
''{LRR Logo jingle}''
''{Graphic: purple LRR logo}''
''{Intro music}''
'''ANNOUNCER:''' You're listening to QWERPline here on QWRP FM. QWERPline this week is bought to you by ...
'''ANNOUNCER:''' You're listening to QWERPline here on QWRP FM. QWERPline this week is bought to you by ...
Line 394: Line 388:
'''ANNOUNCER:''' ... Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen. Ensure the freshness of your unadulterated beats. It's Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen, The OGs will never accuse you of crimin'.
'''ANNOUNCER:''' ... Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen. Ensure the freshness of your unadulterated beats. It's Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen, The OGs will never accuse you of crimin'.
[[Category:Transcripts]] [[Category:Qwerpline]] [[Category:Qwerpline/Transcripts]]

Latest revision as of 11:13, 20 October 2019

Transcript for Qwerpline Ep23 - Strike Week

{LRR Logo jingle}

{Graphic: purple LRR logo}

{Intro music}

ANNOUNCER: You're listening to QWERPline here on QWRP FM. QWERPline this week is bought to you by ...

{Graphic: Simon & Simon’s Rhymin’ Hymen}

ANNOUNCER: ... Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen. Ensure the freshness of your unadulterated beats. It's Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen, keep your rhymin' sharp as a diamon'.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: Good morning Nsburg and welcome to QWERPline. Big G-Money here with A-Train. How's it going Alex?

A-TRAIN: Felling like a sweet treat that can't be beat.

G-MONEY: Oh, I'm sorry.

A-TRAIN: Always happens this time of year, I'll be over it in a week.

G-MONEY: Oh, alright. That's good to hear. I hope that the day's going better for everyone else out there here in Nsburg: "Please don't go!"

{Graphic: Town slogan}

A-TRAIN: Oh yeah, I remember when they stopped using that one coz it just sounded to needy.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: It was, it was a dark time for the Tourism Board. Or at least whoever was writing the slogans that week. Ah, lets go to the news.

{Graphic and music: News}

G-MONEY: This weekend, head down to the beach at Lake Indian-name.

A-TRAIN: Right, shit. Could, could you hand me a postit note?

G-MONEY: For the Pykrete carving contest.

{Graphic: Pykrete Carving Contest}

G-MONEY: This year's theme is celebrity likenesses, so if you've ever wanted to see Sir Ben Kingsley's face chiselled out of an 80-20 mixture of ice and sawdust, this is the daytrip for you.

A-TRAIN: Pack a lunch and dress warm kids.

G-MONEY: And if your looking for more family fun this weekend: they de-iced the Schloop Tubes to get the ready for the annual Polar Bear Sploosh. The general public can come down on Saturday to have a frosty dunk, they get pistures taken with Polar Bear Sploosh mascot, Crinckles the Emergency Space Blanket. As a reminder the Schloop Tubes will be closed on Sunday for a private function.

A-TRAIN: Oh yeah, this is the weekend all the new recruits are getting jumped into the Berg Scouts.

G-MONEY: Yeah. Ever wonder why this even is held the same weekend as the paramedics are on strike?

A-TRAIN: I thought about that when I got jumped in, but then I got so cold I blacked out. Pack a lunch and stay warm kids.

G-MONEY: But the big news, of course, is that it's Nsburg Strike Week. So to get the lowdown on everything that's not happening, let's go over to Studio B for Business Reporter Michael O'Leary, who has a representative from the Nsburg OnmiUnion. Take it away Michael.

{Graphic: Live in the Studio}

MICHAEL O'LEARY: Thank you Graham. I am please to be here today with the Nsburg OmniUnion Representative, Trina Snutt.

{Caption: IN THE STUDIO: Trina Snutt - OnmiUnion Rep}

MICHAEL: How are you doing today, Trina?

TRINA SNUTT: Michael, I'm doing great. After this I'm going to have a long nap.

MICHAEL: That's good to hear Trina. I bet you deserve it. You work hard all year to put on the Union strike.

TRINA: Yep. Those of you listeners who don't appreciate the work that the Nsburg OmniUnion does. We represent the interest of all Nsburgian employees, whether you work down at the Wiener Czar, or at the recycling center, we've got your back. And every year we negotiate for you to take an unpaid week off.

MICHAEL: All except us at the radio station.

TRINA: Yep, that is a constant source of confusion and public inquiry into the OnmiUnion, but the Thurpston County Council of 1986 did decree that QWRP was an essential service, because someone was really into the call-in show at the time.

MICHAEL: I remember that Trina. I also grew up listening to DJ Zaps Radio Flea-market.

{Caption changes: IN THE STUDIO: Trina Snutt - Seems tired}

TRINA: And on that topic, I just want to remind your listeners that the Nsburg Flea-market is also closed this week and you'll have to find somewhere else to buy reproduction Edwardian chairs.

MICHAEL: That's not what I use my Edwardian chairs for, but to each their own. Now Trina, the Nsburg Strike Week is a longstanding Nsburg tradition. Tell us some of the concessions you won from the Town Council. Did we get anything new this year?

TRINA: Yep, yep, Michael we worked really hard and the fee for dropping off a raccoon, alive or dead, at the recycling depot has been raised from $60 to $65.

MICHAEL: I bet Kendra's doing cartwheels.

TRINA: I mean personally, I think most people are going to eat the $5 and write it off as a cost of doing business, but you know, it's the optics that count.

MICHAEL: But these negotiations are a game of give and take. What did we have to give up?

TRINA: Well Michael, I'm sorry to report, after some pretty intense negotiations, we did have to declare all smoke breaks are now "vape breaks".

MICHAEL: I don't even vape.

TRINA: Yeah, yeah, most of our members don't, but I am lead to believe there are some good vape tri ... er, videos that you can watch on YouTube. And I think that'll really bring the union membership together.

MICHAEL: And no-one bought up a possible conflict of interest with Carl on the Town Council owning the vape store downtown?

TRINA: No actually. It wasn't his idea. False Dimitry down at the Wiener Czar was really keen on this and, just, nobody wanted to hear her argue any more.

MICHAEL: Oh the hubris of youth. I love their passion.

TRINA: Ah yeah, speaking of passion. The martial age store is of course closed this weekend, but they have been give special dispensation for emergency deliveries. If you need to call the 1-800 number, you probably already know it.

MICHAEL: That's 1866-MR-LIMPY.

{Caption changes: IN THE STUDIO: Trina Snutt - Might have a sad life?}

TRINA: Speaking of disappointment, just want to remind listeners that the, ah, all public transit is shut down so...

MICHAEL: Does that include the water taxi?

TRINA: Technically, but I don't know anybody who takes it. The Pipesmen were saying a cut in service could stimulate demand, so ...

MICHAEL: Well it an everyday Strike Week, not much going on in Nsburg

TRINA: Yep, that's the nut of it. But, ah, A lot of tired people taking a break this week. Been working for 51 weeks to get this done. And now I'm going to use my 1 week off a year to play some Cee-lo in the alley behind Town Hall. So if you want to get schooled in dice, you know where to find me.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: Thank you Michael. And now, speaking of people not doing their job for a week.

A-TRAIN: Or, you know, ever.

G-MONEY: We go now to Richter Hammockslam up in the QWRP Traffic report. How's it going up there in the Qwopter Richter.

RICHTER HAMMOCKSLAM: Graham the sea spreads out before me like a mirror in every direction.

G-MONEY: The sea? As in the ocean?

RICHTER: That's correct Graham. I'm assuming it's the Atlantic, but that's only thanks to my keen sense of direction.

G-MONEY: Holy shit, Richter.

A-TRAIN: I'm going to be super upset with you shortly, but Richter, do you have enough fuel to return to land?

RICHTER: I can only assume so Alex, but such answers and actions are outside of my control at this time.

G-MONEY: Richter, are you in to Qwopter?


A-TRAIN: OK good. Being real mad at you now.

G-MONEY: Richter where the hell are you?

RICHTER: Graham I am currently inside what can only be described as Chinese passenger drone.

G-MONEY: You mean an aeroplane?

RICHTER: Aeroplanes have pilots Graham. And while I am a pilot, I am currently not in control of autonomous vehicle.

G-MONEY: Ok, now I'm just curious. Richter, how the hell did this happen?

RICHTER: Well Graham, this morning before getting into the QWRP Traffic Qwopter down at the Nsburg Aerodrome, I noticed a much more interesting vehicle parked next to it, so decided to give it a try. It turns out it's part of a revolutionary new ridesharing service that's on it's way to new home in Dubai.

G-MONEY: Via the Atlantic?

A-TRAIN: You stole a drone.

RICHTER: It stole me.

G-MONEY: I asked you about fuel, are you at all concerned that your additional weight might effect the flight time?

RICHTER: Are you calling me fat?

A-TRAIN: No, we're calling you stupid.

G-MONEY: Actually if I could just cut in here. Your over the ocean, presumably the Atlantic, how are we communicating with you?

RICHTER: Funny you should ask that Graham. My new friend Abdul over at the UAE Air Force is patching this call through for us.


RICHTER: Something about a dying man's last wish. I only hope the widow of Adbul, and his children.

G-MONEY: Er, Richter, I don't know that Abdul was talking about ... You know what, don't worry about it. Hey Alex, it Nsburg Search on strike?

A-TRAIN: Maybe? But even if it isn't, Dan can't be fucked to go to Dubai.

G-MONEY: Er, well Richter, it's been a ... er. It's been an honor to serve with you, er, every day. Um, Richter I can't lie to you in a time like this, it's been a chore.

RICHTER: The feeling is mutual Graham. I, too, have found it to be an obligation.

G-MONEY: So ... Bye?

RICHTER: Oh rest assured Graham, I will be back after strike week. I'm going to enjoy a nice vacation on the beaches of Dubai. I'll send you a postcard of me, surrounded by their notable, beautiful swimsuit models. Back to you.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

A-TRAIN: I wish I was dumb enough to, to get a vacation.

G-MONEY: So do I, but, er, for those of use stuck with being tourists in our own home town, we have on the phones with us, Rosemary Saltsmith, curator of the Nsburg History Museum. Hello Rosemary.

{Graphic: Nsburg History Museum}


{Caption: ON THE PHONE: Rosemary Saltsmith - Nsburg History Museum}

G-MONEY: I understand you have some new exhibits coming up in the rotation.

ROSEMARY: OH, Yes! We have a wonderful double-head exhibit coming up. First, a collection of antique clay sewer pipes, excavated from Ball Hinkley's backyard.

A-TRAIN: Yeah that rotor-tiller sure did dig up a gold mine.

ROSEMARY: And flooded half the cellars on the block.

G-MONEY: Oh Bertha's gonna be so mad.

A-TRAIN: Or drowned.

ROSEMARY: Not to worry, we're doing conservation work on several cellars. We've found a great collection of 1950's girly magazines.

G-MONEY: Is that really appropriate for the museum?

ROSEMARY: We'll bring people in any way we can. And nothing turns the styles like a 1954 edition of Chub.

{Caption changes: ON THE PHONE: Rosemary Saltsmith - Gets the job done}

A-TRAIN: The double fold-out one?

ROSEMARY: You'd better believe it.

{Caption changes: ON THE PHONE: Rosemary Saltsmith - Knows her stuff}

A-TRAIN: What are you hours?

G-MONEY: And what else do you have on exhibit right now?

ROSEMARY: The other half the exhibit is a collection of racist costumes, from the 1860s Nsburg Historical Re-enactment Society.

G-MONEY: Yeah, seems like every year at the Town Hall someone brings up that we should pay more attention to our history.

ROSEMARY: And it's the mission of the Nsburg History Museum to see that we do, with crystal clear accuracy, and 20-20 hindsight.

G-MONEY: Yeah, yeah, the 1860s re-enactment Society sure had some er ...

A-TRAIN: Racists.

G-MONEY: Racists, yeah.

ROSEMARY: Uh-huh. And if you come to the museum, you can see many of their costumes. Except for the one we had to cover in grey cloth. That one's too racist to look at. There is a plaque that I will not read over the radio, but it is very detailed.

G-MONEY: So is this an exhibit you could bring the whole family to?

ROSEMARY: NO! I'd rather they see the titty mags.

{Caption changes: ON THE PHONE: Rosemary Saltsmith - Leave the kids at home}

A-TRAIN: Yeah, so would I. Er, about those hours?

ROSEMARY: 11 to 1, weekdays except Tuesdays and Fridays.

A-TRAIN: Er, give me another postit

G-MONEY: Well thank you so much for joining us this afternoon Rosamary.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: And hopefully you at home will make the visit to the Nsburg History Museum, after which maybe you want to sample some of Nsburg's newer cuisine. And to learn more about that, we've sent QWRP Summer Intern Derek down to grand opening of Formosa Palace.

{Graphic: Formosa Palace}

DEREK: That's right Graham. It's me, Derek. How have you guys been?

A-TRAIN: Better.

DEREK: Oh that's good. I didn't even know you were sick. But if your feeling better, you should come down to Formosa Palace. This place is amazing. They're having their grand opening today and I got a special invitation from the manager. I love going on these guys, I get all the free food I can eat and you pay for it.

G-MONEY: I remind you again, that's not the deal. But what’s the atmosphere like down at Formosa Palace?

DEREK: It's really interesting, actually, in here Graham. Um, for a place called Formosa Palace, it's a really loose interpretation fo what it was like during the Ting Dynasty.

{Laugh break}

DEREK: I find it kind of confusing because most of the plants here aren't even native to Taiwan.

G-MONEY: Ah ... How's the food?

DEREK: It hasn't arrived yet Graham, but the manager did tell me he'll be bringing out an assortment of all his gourmet dishes.

G-MONEY: Terrific.

DEREK: For me to eat on the radio.


DEREK: But how an I supposed to tell the listeners if the food's any good if you won't let me eat it?

A-TRAIN: Just ... eat away from the mic.

DEREK: No, no, his name is Johnothan Stoat. Oh and here he is.


DEREK: Oh, that not an accurate diminutive. Normally I would call you John or Johnny.

JIM: My middle name's James. Anyway, here is the Shogun Sampler.

DEREK: The Shogun were traditional Japanese Generals.

JIM: And they ate well. Wasn't exploitative, and people like that.

DEREK: Um, what do you call this dish?

JIM: Everything here in Formosa Palace is a fusion. Take the Teriyaki Maccheroni. The familiar Maccheroni noodles that we all grew up with, with this exotic teriyaki sauce. Or perhaps you'd like this Sweet and Sour steak. It's prepared medium rare, just like these Ming vases.

DEREK: Oh, I’ve never seen anything like it before.

JIM: We also have this Potato Puneer, with gravy.

DEREK: Well that's just Poutine.

JIM: And for desert, Sweet Kanji.

DEREK: What?

JIM: It's just rice pudding. Don't tell no-one.

G-MONEY: We are live.

DEREK: Well these are really interesting Jim. Um, do you have any more traditional Chinese fare? Like Silver Neddle Chaopan?

JIM: No.

DEREK: What about Budo Jabin Wa?

JIM: That sounds dangerous.

DEREK: Not ever Rice Ro Wan Do?

JIM: You made that up.

DEREK: No Rice Ro Wan Do is the only thing in life.

{Music plays}

DEREK: What was that?

JIM: Oh, someone must have ordered General Lee's Chicken.

DEREK: What's General Lee's Chicken?

JIM: It's Steak-fried chicken in plumb sauce served in a hollowed out model of a Dodge Charger.

DEREK: That doesn't sound very good at all.

JIM: It wasn't a very good car, no.

DEREK: Jim, I'm sorry but I don't think any of this is appealing to my tastes as a cynophile. Do you have any Momo Gypan? Or Feng Zwah?

JIM: Well that's a no on the Gypan, but I did have Lee in here to actually turn the tables and make sure the energy's flowing right.

DEREK: That's Feng Shui. You're a fraud Jim. Graham, he's a fraud.

G-MONEY: I'm learning an awful lot about Derek.

A-TRAIN: And where I'm not having dinner tonight.

DEREK: You know what Jim? I've had it with this restaurant. I'm taking that maccheroni to go. Back to you Graham.

JIM: Don't forget to scratch off your lottery ticked in the fortune cookie.


{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: Thank you Derek. Well that takes us up the, the break, and now Alex and I need to figure out what we are doing for dinner.

{Graphic: Girl Scouts}

G-MONEY: So when we come back, the Girl Scouts have set up blockades at the edges of town to stop scabs from entering during Strike Week.

A-TRAIN: Ow, the Tourism Board isn't going to like this.

{Graphic: QWERPline}

G-MONEY: The Tourism Board is, however, handing out welding googles it you want to view the upcoming artificial eclipse.

A-TRAIN: The what?

G-MONEY: Local inventor Darren Von Spront is flying his black hot-ait balloon in front of the sun. You'll only be able to see it correctly from the town square, but Von Spront says it will be breathtaking.

A-TRAIN: No kidding. Have you ever been downwind when he's burping the balloon?

G-MONEY: Mercifully, no. Stick around folks, more QWERPline after this.

ANNOUNCER: You're listening to QWERPline here on QWRP FM. Thanks again to our sponsor ...

{Graphic: Simon & Simon’s Rhymin’ Hymen}

ANNOUNCER: ... Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen. Ensure the freshness of your unadulterated beats. It's Simon & Simon's Rhymin' Hymen, The OGs will never accuse you of crimin'.