Qwerpline Ep14 - High & Dry

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Nsburg's about to host two of its annual traditions, the Big Pig F--- Off and the Flower Count & Drinkoff. The Woman from the Old Country visits the studio to bring Alex a gift of aspic, which turns out to be surprisingly good. Richter is stranded in the wreckage of the QWRP Parade Blimp after it drifted away from the parade in Episode 13; he's now stuck in the QWRP FM repeater antenna and refuses to come down despite multiple rescue attempts. Meanwhile, Derek interviews Granton Bumper, who has found religion and build an immense statue out of corn husks at Bumper Crop Farms - which Derek promptly destroys.

Vital Statisics

Ep. 14 Titlecard

Date: April 27, 2016

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner

Edited by: Graham Stark

Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: Featherweight

Description: Derek is out at Bumper Crop Farms, a special guest visits the studio, and Richter is... doing fine.

Runtime: 13:43

Slogan: "Rolling hills and folding valleys!"

  • They don't use that one much anymore

Sponsor: Random Phantom Bantam Spook the foxes from your chicken coop with our award-winning selection of ghost chickens out of nowhere! The Random Phantom Bantam - try two in tandem!


  • It's time once again for the Big Pig F--k-Off, an event that is... exactly what it sounds like. Everyone is excited about it every year, until they are reminded about what precisely it is. Slogan: "Come on down to the Big Pig F--k-Off: a pit full of muck, filled with f--k."
  • It is also time for the annual Flower Count and Drinkoff - an event where the goal is to count as many flowers as possible before becoming too wasted to continue. Sponsored by For Goodness Sake.


Richter has been in the gondola of the QWRP Parade Blimp for more than a week ever since it crashed into the QWRP repeater antenna on the outskirts of Lesser Miami. He has successfully dissuaded both the Nsburg Volunteer and For-Profit Fire Departments from their rescue attempts by pelting them with the blimp's ballast water and his own urine. At the moment he is surrounded by raccoons, which he hallucinates to be tiny bandits out to kill him. Alex and Graham remind him that if the rescue parties can climb up the tower, Richter can climb down it any time he wants; Graham also adds that Joy, the child he may have accidentally adopted, has been asking about him. Richter says he'll think about it.

Special Guest

The Woman from the Old Country visits the studio as a representative of Nsburg's new sister city, name unknown, in the Old Country. While the location of the Old Country is still unknown, we find out it is four layovers away from Nsburg and requires transferring at O'Hare, and that its primary export is coal. She presents Aldersm'n Alex with one of her handicrafts - Ass Aspic, which, surprisingly, is quite tasty.


Derek visits Granton Bumper of Bumper Crop Farms, now styling himself as Father Granton Bumper. After the disaster in the corn maze, Bumper has become a for-profit prophet, and constructed a 20-foot "Jesus Cristo" made of corn husks. Alex indicates that he's seen this movie before. When Derek pays to go inside the statue, however, it collapses into the Nsburg Rum Tunnels, prompting a brief appearance from Sandra Brentmore. Granton Bumper offers Derek a rope for fifteen dollars.

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