Qwerpline Ep02 - Damnable Dams

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The second episode of Qwerpline! Catch up on all the news, traffic, and newest retardants in nsburg. Derek's on location, Richard's in the Qwopter, and a concerned citizen calls in.

Vital Statisics

Ep.02 Titlecard

Date: September 13, 2015

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner

Edited by: Graham Stark

Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: Featherweight

Description: The second episode of Qwerpline! Catch up on all the news, traffic, and newest retardants in nsburg. Derek's on location, Richard's in the Qwopter, and a concerned citizen calls in.

Runtime: 15:09

Slogan: "Turnip Capital of Therpston County!"

  • Nsberg has truck loads of turnips

Sponsor: Chad McRad's Sad Pad from Huffer RX Stick one under each arm and get on with your day already! Chad McRad's Sad Pad from Huffer RX: Get the pad and get glad!


  • The nsburg girl scouts have made record profits and record low numbers of arrested minors. This may be because the county police and girl scouts are once again working together.
  • Municipal property tax is due and is payable by cash, check or raccoon pelt. Paid at the municipal town hall ... not the town hall pool hall.


Richter Hammockslam in the Traffic Qwopter reports that traffic North bound on the Shaughnessy River is clear but that things are getting blocked up southbound due to construction. Specifically beavers are constructing a dam which is hampering the... um... morning commute of some ducks?

Derek live on location

Derek is at the grand opening of Johnny Jensen's all-you-can-eat Technically Meat Buffet. He's told that a lot of the food contains Seitan which he mistakes for Satan...


Chet Buntsman begrudgingly reports that the Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team with their new coach Dr. McFeels has triumphed over their rivals The Jewelsburg Diamonds. The team may find practice difficult going forward because the field has reportedly been cut 2 tenths of an inch (.508cm) too short and is now full of holes. A track and field event of some kind occurred and we should find out how Dale Chuzzle did at Dakar in a couple weeks.

Let's Go to the Phones

Ms. Lorna Schlitzwhistle calls in concerned about the wifi at the library's effect on her bees. The bees normally buzz counter clockwise 3 times every hour but now they buzz clockwise 5 times an hour. She advocates that a net of dream catchers be constructed around every wifi source. Dream catchers are available on her Etsy store.


  • Chad McRad's Sad Pad from Huffer RX

Chad McRad's Sad Pad Chad McRad's Sad Pad Huffer RX


  • Chet Buntsman was the coach of the Talcum Puffs last year but was asked to leave... and stop talking about it... since while he's a great coach pre-game he is heavily emotional and would spend the games curled into a fetal position sobbing.
  • The Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team won the Therpston County Championship last year
  • Dale Chuzzle is also known as The Chuzzler.
  • six of the nsburg girl scouts will be getting their trigger discipline badge this year.
  • A-train hates turnips.
  • A-train the few times he has attempted to pay taxes... mistakenly paid them to the town hall pool hall instead of the municipal town hall.
  • A-train didn't walk to work today.
  • A-train once floated on the very salty sewage out flow in East Sumpacres. He did it right before work...
  • fuel for the traffic qwopter costs more pelts than A-train can lift.
  • Derek confuses Church and Synagogue.
  • Derek is 19 years old.
  • An old wife is kept at the QWRP studio to clear up any old wife's tales disputes.

Dramatis Personae

  • Announcer - Beej
  • Big G-Money - Graham
  • A-Train - Alex
  • Muriel, the old wife - Kathleen
  • Richter Hammockslam - Ian
  • Derek - Beej
  • Name Withheld - Johnny Jensen's Employee - Ian
  • Name Also Withheld - Kathleen
  • Chet Buntsman - Ian
  • Lorna Schlitzwhistle - Kathleen
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