PAX West 2016 - QWERPline

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Vital Statisics

Date: September 20, 2016

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner, Mikey Neumann

Edited by: {{{Editor1}}}
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Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: {{{IllustrationsBy}}}
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Description: A (semi?)canon qwerpline performed live at PAX West

Runtime: 42:48

Slogan: "Sweet Home Alabama"

  • Would you believe that this tourist slogan was a clerical error? When a member of the Nsburg tourism board was ranking his top 5 favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd tracks. He inadvertently typed number 2 into the wrong field before submitting the form and it was approved in the great batch ratification quandary of 1996.

Sponsor: Jack Plank's Flamin' Ham Game Jam Qwerpline this week is brought to you by, Jack Plank's Flamin' Ham Game Jam. Jack's rented a barge on the Channacy River and he's cooking up spicy barbecue pork while you put together pig themed mini games over the long weekend. Jack Plank's Flamin' Ham Game Jam, It's not lame fam.

Thanks again to our sponsor, Jack Plank's Flamin' Ham Game Jam. Jack's got lots of pork, he's on the Channacy river, and if you code up some pig games, he'll stuff it down your throat. Jack Plank's Flamin' Ham Game Jam.


Spirit of Loose Leaf, Nsburg's year round back to school store is going on their annual labor day holiday. Nsburg Search is running another fundraising drive to add "and rescue". Currently Nsburg Search consists of Dan, who is very good at searching, but just laughs when he finds you. The fundraiser will hire someone that cares about bringing people back to follow Dan.

Just the Fax Ma'am

Just the Fax Ma'am is Qwerpline's daily fax in trivia show.

The answers to yesterday's questions

Round 1 Movie Category: Cinema scope. Only with 8 hours of preparation first. The 1968 Oscar for sound mixing. She did but only her co-star and director were on set at the time.

Round 2 Food Category: 7 but only 3 kinds are eatable. Technically yes but the french do it differently. A suvee bag the size of a blimp. Stiff Peaks.

Round 3 Public Etiquette Category: Not in front of strange children. The traditional gift of a ham. Definitely not, unless you live in Lesser Miami where we understand it's common practice. Only with the barista's express consent and even then it's a little weird.

It's the Arts

It's been an exciting week at Nsburg Bangs, the alternative theater festival. Edith's picks are I Have No Beak, But I Must Speak - A sensual 3 hour one man show by Orion Front about the sex life of an octopus, with free form musical accompaniment by Gunther Zither waving a zither in front of a theremin.

Viva Steven - A Morrissey tribute based on his 1988 album Viva Hate delivered via slam poetry pieces such as "Plain Yogurt, My Old Friend", a 17 minute free verse ode to Morrissey's favorite food, and "Johnny Marr is Mean Jerk and The Smiths Are Done Forever", which is a ghazal, a form Bengali poetry made up of 15 rhyming couplets.

Hague - A musical telling the story of the international criminal court's establishment in 1945, featuring the extremely catchy opening number, "Article 419".


Richter is once again in the air with Joy, a young girl. This time she is flying the qwopter herself, and Richter has crafted strap-on leg prosthesis so that she can reach the pedals to earn her helicopter pilot badge.


New sports reporter Scomp Twerkman, is reporting on a new game called Trouser Football. It is similar to American Football except instead of tackling other players you have to remove their pants. Also when a touchdown is scored a child is placed in a bin and buried in tacos. If the child can eat their way out it counts as a conversion.

G-Money and A-Train attempt to get him to report on Nsburg sports such as sideball, but Scomp just keeps talking about tacos.

Live in the Studio

Lorna Schlitzwhistle is filling in for Michael O'Leary as the QWRP business reporter while he is recovering from his exposure to Sprontium-13. She begins by wishing all businesses founded on this day happy birthday, then she reads their horoscope. This is followed by the moon signs and horoscope for businesses ending their fiscal quarter in March, as well as how to obtain the blessings of the moon gods. Then she gives the business horoscope for QWRP.


Richter and Joy are running a breakfast restaurant from the qwopter, delivering meals via dead eye drops. Joy is earning her cooking badge, and apparently accidentally killed a priest by dropping a meal on him.

Live on Location

Derek is at the Nsburg Center Mall to visit the reopening of the Muffinstuff. However he's more interested in going to Spirit of Loose Leaf to take advantage of their back to school sales. G-Money reminds him that they are closed for labor day. Derek then walks through the mostly empty mall to the Muffinstuff. He meets the new owner, Mephistopheles Klimpt, who acquired it from the estate sale of Alister Richie. Klimpt explains that the Muffinstuff's purpose is to sell filling for muffins, but does not actually sell muffins themselves. He also takes offense at the suggestion of filling other baked items such as baguettes. This angers Derek who asks why the Muffinstuff was previously closed down, but Mr. Klimpt was unaware that this had happened. Kaaate Fugiman, the county health inspector then arrives and explains the Muffinstuff was closed due to health issues and fatalities in 1985. It is then determined that the statute of limitations on the closure has expired, and the Muffinstuff can reopen.

Coming up

G-Money warns everyone to refuse any baked goods offered to them by Derek. The City of Nsburg is rethinking it's online poll to name a new bridge, after certain names topped the list, Joan Structural-Failure, Daniel Resonant Frequency, and John Rust. The Nsburg girl scouts are recruiting again. Listen for Flight of the Valkyries being played by the recruitment truck.