The Panalysts Ep40 - Hickory Smoked Horse Buttholes

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Our new quizzical overlord Molly Lewis asks the panel a most intimate question: What would your human kibble be?

Vital Statistics

The Panalysts Ep40 - Hickory Smoked Horse Buttholes.jpg

Date: May 23, 2019

Category: The Panalysts

Host: Molly Lewis

Cohosts: Coriander Dickinson, Graham Stark, Cameron Lauder, Jacob Burgess

Editing: Kathleen De Vere

Synopsis

  • Your dealer is now selling Babel Fish. If you put one of these weird fish in your ear canal, they say, it feeds off your brainwaves and regurgitates some amazing psychic benefits straight to your brain. Do you choose to: play any instrument with beautifully expression but to you it sounds like bagpipes in a tumble dryer; or understand any spoken language but that includes animals and they mostly talk about fucking or murder?
    • Cori and Graham: play any instrument
    • Cam and Jacob: understand any spoken language
  • You have been abducted by aliens and are adopted into an alien household via the grey market of exotic, extraplanetery pets. As an extraterrestial pet, you are guaranteed to live out your natural life free of danger, disease or want. Your master species has the technology to perfectly reproduce earth food, exact simulacra in taste and texture, and synthetically formulated for your complete and balanced nutrition. The catch is this technology can only reproduce items smaller than a nectarine, to be printed in bulk, and served to you in a shallow bowl with no utensils. Your masters cannot understand your vocalisations but, like any self respecting pet owner, they are attentive to which foods you snub and scarf, and will cycle through your options until you express a preference. This will be yout dietary staple for as long as you live. What do you choose as your human Kibble?
    • Cori and Graham: Froot Loops
    • Cam and Jacob: Popcorn Chicken
      • 4 bonus points for Jacob for each time he made Molly smile.
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