Escapist News Network

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Format: Satirical Gaming News
Created By: Graham Stark, Kathleen De Vere, Jeremy Petter, Paul Saunders
Status: Discontinued
Updates: Wednesdays
Host: The Escapist
Original Run: September 23, 2009 - February 13, 2011
Associated Shows: CheckPoint (successor), Feed Dump (successor)

The Escapist News Network (commonly abbreviated as ENN), is a show on The Escapist created by a few members of the Loading Ready Run Crew. It is in the style of a news broadcast (á la CNN) reporting on both truthful and fictional stories. The show is heavily influenced by the Canadian comedy series This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

As of February 13, 2011 ENN was discontinued and was eventually replaced by two successor series, the first being CheckPoint, which premiered on PATV on May 9, 2011, and the second being Feed Dump, which premiered on The Escapist on May 25, 2011.


In general, the show follows a fixed format in every episode.

  • First, the intro plays; this consists of theme music and an animation which mockingly mimic those of major news networks. Several words appear during the animation: Reliable, Trustworthy, Resplendent, Logarithmic, and one additional word. This is known as the accent word, and changes every week. See the List of ENN Accent Words.
  • After the intro, the camera cuts to the anchor desk, with dimmed lights, as Graham and Kathleen set up a joke in casual conversation. This is the first part of the so-called after-lights gag. The lights then turn on, and the anchors face the camera and introduce themselves. The lower third displays their job description gag, which also changes every week.
  • Approximately the first half of the show consists of between four and seven news stories, reported alternately be Graham and Kathleen. The first sentence or part is almost always true; this is followed by 'merciless joking' for the rest of the story. In addition, each story features a corner image (usually created by Jer) and one or more lower third jokes, and may include an extra video segment.
  • Most of the rest of the video is taken up by the Feature Story. Whichever anchor's turn it is will introduce the story, then pass it to a field reporter (usually Jer) or pre-recorded video segment. Feature Stories are always at least mostly false, and usually completely so, even if they are loosely based in fact.
  • Finally, the anchors will end the episode with their parting line or lines. While the credits roll, the studio lights dim, and the after-lights gag is concluded as Graham and Kathleen finish their conversation from where it was left off.

List of Episodes

List of Episodes
See Also
External Links
# Title Accent Word Job Description Date
67 The Newsroom: Dead Dragon Distance N/A N/A February 2, 2011
Your mom may hate Dead Space 2, but maybe she'll like this! Or not.
66 Inside the Newsroom N/A N/A January 19, 2011
Kathleen, Graham, Paul and Jeremy take you behind the magic. It's less magical.
65 Predictions Sundry Resolute Anchors January 5, 2011
Ryan Quickbender places his bets, Graham and Kathleen talk Madden.
64 ENN Awards 2010 Jolly Anchs, Yo December 22, 2010
Some games didn't suck this year. I know, right?
63 Not Games But Movies Got Pig? Team Neat December 8, 2010
Movie-based game or game-based movie. Either way, we lose.
62 Stresstris Bi-Weekly Returning Champions November 24, 2010
Scientists are using Tetris to perform science.
61 Rejeweled Harmless Weekend Warriors November 10, 2010
Iterating Bejeweled isn't as bad as releasing Dragon's Lair again.
60 Nintendonts Akurate Also With 60% Less Hendersons November 3, 2010
Whether it's Mario's anniversary, or their own losses, Nintendo seem out of touch with reality.
59 More Room to Grow Serrated Demon Hunters (and Interviewers) October 27, 2010
Paul delves deeper into Kinect's space needs and Graham goes off about Minecraft.
58 The EA Louse & Friends Huggable Wasteland Correspondents October 20, 2010
If EA would not keep on hiring anonymous bloggers they wouldn't have these problems.
57 Room to Grow Alive Subspace Anchors October 13, 2010
Paul investigates the space requirements of Kinect.
56 Sony's Crazy Marketing Lithe Rare News Mobs October 6, 2010
Paul and Jeremy get to the bright red bottom of Sony's crazy marketing decisions.
55 Kathleen's Book Club Finite Not Boats Abandoned In Some Backyard (followed by "Too Obscure?") September 29, 2010
Kathleen presents the complete nutjobs of gaming, and looks at a hot new game book.
54 West Washing Lobsterly Rhyme With Bankers September 22, 2010
When Eastern developers make their games appeal to "The West", everyone loses.
53 XBox Platinum Matronly Double-Toy Pickup September 15, 2010
Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.
52 Got to Catch Them All Pneumatic Ignoble Team September 8, 2010
Jeremy interviews a holy order for all things "totally sweet".
51 Booby Prize Five-Star Newsblasters September 1, 2010
Graham weighs in on Medal of Honor and Jeremy investigates breasts. Inbreastigates?
50 Still Gaming Phlegm News Raiders August 25, 2010
Before your next LAN or all-night raid, you'd better be prepared.
49 Work Your Assets Soggy Rapportuers August 18, 2010
Graham talks Pokemon and Ryan Quickbender has a lesson for the ladies.
48 Blizzard Warning Enriched Fortified For +50% August 11, 2010
ENN delves into the darkness behind everyone's favorite studio.
47 Global Warning Adequate Consumate Professionals August 4, 2010
High pressure is causing problems in the development environment.
46 Kinect the Dots Paragon Would You Like To Know More? July 28, 2010
Graham gives The Governator a headshot and Paul shows how Microsoft and Sony are lying.
45 All in the Cards Ursine Presentational Zoologists July 21, 2010
ComicCon gets picketed, GameStop whines and a gaming entrepreneur shows us his new take on a card game... "classic".
44 Minced Words: Blizzard's Real ID Tubular Dimensional Anchors July 14, 2010
If we lose online anonymity, untold hate speech may be lost.
43 GearGasm 5: The Perspectiving Wobbley Agency... Agents? July 7, 2010
See it - with your eyeballs.
42 Snobcon 2010 Lifelike News Mistress June 30, 2010
A special report on a convention you've never heard of, square.
41 E3 2010 Recap Gyroscopic Epic Knitters June 23, 2010
Paul and his panel of experts gives us the lowdown on the ups and downs of E3 2010.
40 E3 News Bytes - 6/18/2010 N/A E3-Onauts June 18, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
39 E3 News Bytes - 6/17/2010 N/A Def Jam Rapstars June 17, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
38 E3 News Bytes - 6/16/2010 N/A VPs of Kevin Butler June 16, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
37 E3 News Bytes - 6/15/2010 N/A Kinectimals June 15, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
36 Resident Evil Romance Pointy Omega Protocols June 9, 2010
This week, ENN attempts to get to the bottom of the apparent success of videogame novelizations.
35 Skate and Die! Ephemeral Totally Persians June 2, 2010
An author of great conviction warns parents of the danger inherent in skateboarding games.
34 Who the Hell are You? ALL CAPS Urine Technicians May 26, 2010
A look behind the scenes of a game translation service.
33 Atari's Gambit Tactile Splinter Cells May 19, 2010
Atari takes us back, to the future of gaming.
32 Speaking Without Words Copious Still Coffee-less May 12, 2010
A special report on the voice actors of N64 games.
31 Quickbender Must Die Kitch Toadstools May 5, 2010
The ENN office receives a mystery package.
30 Splinter Cell: Cunvicshun Drywall Rebels With Cause April 28, 2010
The team covers all the controversy and confusion surrounding Splinter Cell: Conviction.
29 Viral Outbreak Meow? Demon Hunters April 21, 2010
A viral game is killing the social life of millions. Are you at risk?
28 Peace Walker Promo Backspin Synergists April 14, 2010
Sonic fanboys reach a crisis point.
27 Money Shot Meringue S.T.A.L.K.E.R.S. April 7, 2010
This week, a special edition of GearGasm, and the Nintendo 3DS stomps on minorities.
26 Special Edition Thromboid (It's A Sinus Infection Now) March 31, 2010
Games with special editions harbor a dark secret.
25 Games for Pets Sniffly (Yes, Graham Has A Cold) March 24, 2010
Surprising new developments are being made in the field of gaming for our furred friends.
24 The Future of Storage Media Funsize Pulse L'Cie March 17, 2010
A very interesting installment of GearGasm introduces a 300GB optical disc.
23 Dishonorable Discharge Cromulent Kickin' It Old School March 10, 2010
A hard-hitting report on the recent layoffs at Infinity Ward.
22 Quick's Picks Bunnies! Quick-Time Events March 3, 2010
Quick's Picks responds to a viewer email about a misunderstanding with Dante's Inferno.
21 RPG Elements Alpine Renegade Paragons February 24, 2010
ENN investigates the disappearance of RPG elements from gaming.
20 EA's Corporate Vision On Track Submerged Olympic Slackers February 17, 2010
Good news, EA continues to lose money, but at a slower rate.
19 Black & Blue Streak Triglycerides Citizens of Rapture February 10, 2010
The latest Sonic game puts up warning flags for concerned citizens.
18 Natal Scandal Low-sodium Rocketeers February 3, 2010
Project Natal's Milo gets a little too real.
17 iPhonomenon Haptic Assassins (Shhh!) January 27, 2010
The iPhone becomes the next big thing in portable gaming.
16 On Punctuation Anodized Umbra Witches January 20, 2010
Yahtzee gives us the spill on his new book, as Final Fantasy XIII tours America.
15 A Few Good Gamers Rampant Resistance Fighters January 13, 2010
LG brings motion control to television, and America's Army becomes the front line of video game recruitment technology.
14 The Future of Sex Spreadable Blood Mages January 6, 2010
Square-Enix announces a revolutionary new battle system, and and unrepresented market for sex in games finally comes to light.
13 Year in Review 2009 Frothy Reindeer enthusiasts December 16, 2009
Sony reveals a new motion controller, and a panel of experts debate the top game of the year.
12 Counter-Active Gaming Soluble Double Agents December 9, 2009
A new fitness game for the Wii stirs controversy, and Pandemic announces free nude DLC for Saboteur.
11 Guild Chat Indeed Kung Fu Fighters December 2, 2009
Graham interviews members of The Guild.
10 Pictodicks Octopimp Vampire Hunters November 25, 2009
A special investigative report about an inappropriate game you never knew about.
9 Sorcerers Demand Equal Rites Tepid Tag Team Champions November 18, 2009
Global Agenda's "No Elves" campaign causes quite a stir in the elven community.
8 Economic Weather Report Corrosive Vault Dwellers November 11, 2009
Jimmy Buffet announces a Margaritaville game, as the economic climate shifts into the red.
7 New Dante's Inferno Marketing Tactic Turgid Genome Soldiers November 4, 2009
Scientists perfect the robot game journalist. Turns out, it wasn't that hard. .
6 ROJO Bipedal Let me show you ma Anchormans October 28, 2009
EA's marketing campaign for Dante's Inferno reaches a new level.
5 Uber HD Sideways Talkypeople October 21, 2009
This week, Brütal Legend, Bubble Bobble Boy and a special report on the future of HD technology.
4 I C U Wii Pre-post-modern Anchors Aweigh October 14, 2009
This week, a Spore movie, and a Japanese reality show brings embarrassment to Wii owners. .
3 Lost Leaders Vestigial Anchors Aweigh October 7, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch." This week, the console war reaches a new low.
2 The Next Rock Band Bootylicious Anchorpeoples September 30, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch," covering everything from Chinese WoW service to an upcoming Rock Band title.
1 Nerd Flu Toasty Anchormans September 23, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch," with exclusive coverage of a horrible pandemic - nerd flu.


List of Episodes
See Also
External Links
  • Unlike Unskippable, ENN did not originate from the Escapist Film Festival.
  • The ENN crew occasionally post rejected ENN stories on the blog. These are stories which didn't get in to the week's episode because they were extra, (usually) not due to low quality. This is now a feature on the Escapist Publisher's Club.

See Also

External Links