Bioshocked Transcript

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Transcript for Bioshocked


{Scene opens with a shot of the limited edition Big Daddy figurine on the coffee table, while on the TV behind it, we see gameplay footage of Bioshock. The scene then cuts to Graham playing the game on his X-Box while Paul watches in amazement}

Paul: Man, Bioshock is great.

Graham: Yeah, I love it; the setting, the atmosphere; it's awesome.

Paul: You know, I really identify with this Andrew Ryan guy.

Graham: What, the misguided creator of Bioshock's circa 1950 underwater utopia?

Paul: Yeah, yeah. I too have been wrongly persecuted for my visionary ideas.

Graham: You installed Linux on our toilet.

Paul: And you guys persecuted me for it.

Graham: Because we need it for pooping!

{Scene cuts to kitchen where Paul explains his idea while Graham opens the fridge, takes out the egg box and opens it, to find they're out of eggs... again}

Paul: Following Andrew Ryan's example, I will create my own circa 1950 underwater utopia. I can gather the greatest minds of our time, we can be safe from censorship and oppression.

{Scene cuts to laundry room where Graham is loading the washing machine with various colored shirts}

Graham: But, in the game, everything went horribly wrong and everybody started killing each other.

Paul: Well, obviously we'll learn from their mistakes. I plan to greatly reduce the amount of meddling with forces that man was not meant to understand.

{Scene cuts to passage where Paul is waiting outside a door}

Paul: I mean, you probably won't even notice we're doing it.

{We hear flushing from within then the door opens and Graham steps out}

Graham: Okay, just- just stop and think about this practically for a second. How are you ever gonna build a huge circa 1950 underwater utopia and still keep your job at the planetarium concession stand?

Paul: That's what they said to Galileo!

Graham: And they were right!

{Scene cuts to living room where Paul is now holding a large rolled-up piece of paper and Graham comes in later carrying the big inflatable Lemming and places it in the corner}

Paul: Fine, maybe Galileo's plan to create a circa 1950 underwater utopia failed, but I have two things he didn't: my natural intelligence, {holds up his paper} and these plans I just downloaded off

Graham: {holds out hands in agreement} Alright, I admit. Galileo probably did not have your level of intelligence.

{Scene cuts to office where Paul and Graham are sitting at a desk, the latter eating a banana}

Paul: I knew you'd see it my way. Now... {lays the plans on the desk, unrolls them and glances over them for a moment} Hmmm... better call James. I'll need his car to transport these supplies.

{Scene cuts to Willows Beach, where we see Graham, Kathleen, Tally, Ashley Allman and James standing on the shore. Camera then pans round until we see Paul standing up to his knees in the water, his plans in one hand, and a hammer and a piece of wood in the other}

Paul: Thank you all for coming on this momentous occasion! I know it doesn't look like much, but this {turns and indicates the sea} is gonna be the entrance to my amazing Underwater World of Underwater Wonder that is Under the Water. Don't get any ideas, that name is trademarked.

James: So when are you gonna get the rest of the crap out of my car? My parents only let me have it for the afternoon.

Paul: Well, obviously I can't unload it all in one go! If you hadn't been such a baby about driving your car to the building site, maybe I can unload it faster.

Kathleen: Where exactly is this building site?

Paul: I'm glad you asked. As you can see from these plans {unrolls his plans again and places them on the water's surface, a possibly poor move on his part, and points to a specific part}, right here is gonna be the reception area with the bathysphere and elevator, {waves at one area of the sea} over there, we're gonna put the recreation area and living quarters, {indicates the other side} and then over here, we're gonna have the genetic engineering and becoming-like-unto-God facility.

Graham: I thought you said you weren't gonna do any of that!

Paul: I said we would reduce our meddling with the forces of nature. You have to have some, otherwise what's the point? You should have seen how big that section was in the original plans.

{At this point, Paul looks down at the plans, to find that they are now completely wet, as was expected. He picks them up and looks at them with mild disappointment}

Paul: Hm... Well, I guess I'll just wing it. {tosses the soggy plans aside} Farewell, friends! Keep in mind that when I return, I may have been engineered into a higher form of life, possibly pure energy!

{With those final words, Paul turns round and wades off with determination into the water. On the shore, Graham, James and the girls watch unimpressed. Soon Paul is up to his chest in the water then he dives under the surface to begin his work. The rest of the group waits for him, somewhat impatiently. Tally glances at her watch at one point. Then after about twelve seconds, Paul resurfaces, coughing and spluttering, and wades back to shore}

Paul: After careful thought, I've decided that a circa 1980 treetop utopia is more in keeping with my needs.

James: Okay, so what are we doing with the bathysphere on top of my car?

Paul: Luckily, I kept the receipt. {fumbles into his pocket and pulls out the receipt, or rather the soggy scrap of paper that used to be the receipt} Crap!