Can I Get A Witness

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Stories on pro-level StarCraft, The Witness, Assassin's Creed, CranK, and Destiny!

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Date: February 16, 2016

Written and Performed by: Graham Stark, Kathleen De Vere, Paul Saunders

Story Graphics: Paul Saunders

CheckPoint Graphics: Graham Stark

Music: Bradley Rains

Produced by: Graham Stark, Paul Saunders


After running up and down every tower in history, Assassins' Creed pauses to catch its breath.


  • Blizzard has changed its rules about who can play professional Starcraft in which regions.
  • Speedruns of The Witness have some unusual strategies, including going out for lunch.
  • Ubisoft will not be making an Assassins' Creed game this year.
  • A professional Starcraft player is showing off by playing Starcraft and Hearthstone at the same time.
  • A Destiny player has figured out how to max out your character's XP without leaving the tutorial level.
  • Destiny's Valentine's Day promotion has given rise to weird in-game suicide pacts.

Coming Up

The Internet Archive has released a playable library of over one thousand Windows 3.1 games. Finally, I can fulfill my nostalgia for Cow V: The Great Egg Quest, Prairie Dog Hunt 2: Judgement Day, and Battle Hamster. Now that I think about it, all the games I remember are about fighting animals. Is that weird?

◀ ●∙∙∙ Fire Emblem Heavy Petting     Do Not Anger the Gaben ∙∙∙● ▶

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