The enigmatically titled “Story Guy” has appeared in several videos, many of which involve his presenting a monologue about his peculiar experiences while he performs a mundane task. He is of unknown age and is strangely timeless, supposedly having interacted with various celebrities and political figures from the past. He habitually wears a maroon vest which he claims is woven out of Himalayan yak fur.
Story Guy is regarded by many fans as a breakout character of the early days of the site. His spiritual successor, Jonny, was introduced by Graham in order to revive the things fans loved about the character without trying to reanimate a plotline that had run its course.
Story Guy includes certain historical anecdotes in his monologues. Thus far, these anecdotes have obscured far more than they have revealed. For the edification of LRR fans, we present a historical analysis of these statements.
The Rolling Stones song “Satisfaction”, which Story Guy claims to have provided the inspiration for (Laundry), was released in August 1965. Story Guy's vision quest trek through the Sahara desert supposedly took place two months before this.
In the same video, Story Guy claims to have served in the Kenyan Air Force during World War II, as did his father and Grandfather. However, Kenya did not become independent of Britain until 1963, and thus it had no air force in WWII. However, he could be referring to it anachronistically, and have flown with the air force stationed in Kenya at the time.
In Vest, Story Guy says he took a Predatory Mammal Empathy Training course with “good ol' Frankie Roosevelt” whom he recollects had trouble with wolverines. If Story Guy refers to Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States, this course is unlikely to have occurred after the summer of 1929, when Roosevelt was crippled with poliomyelitis. As Roosevelt was born in January of 1882, this leaves only a limited window of opportunity for FDR and Story Guy to have met and been schooled together. Without definitive identification, he could simply be referring to a different person similarly named or nicknamed.
In Holiday Story Guy mentions that Stanley Mbutu is renown as Miss Universe 2002. Consequently ‘Holiday’ takes place after the choosing of Miss Universe 2002, which is likely to be sometime around the actual year 2002.
When Vest was aired, Graham stated that there had already been plenty of hints as to Story Guy's real nature. The following are all known examples of such hints.
- In Grilled Cheese Story Guy makes an offhand reference to persuading someone in a "highly physical manner."
- In Rare Book Story guy again makes veiled reference to doing some "work" for the government.
- In Laundry Story Guy comes across a shirt in his laundry basket, still stained with blood. Upon seeing it, he pauses briefly and touches a dressing he is wearing on his neck, implying he recently received a neck injury of some sort. He also mentions dealing with an erroneous 10-items-or-less customer using "three inches of string", which may imply a garotte.
- In Holiday, Story Guy looks at some papers, then burns a photo. The papers were meant to be a dossier identifying a target for a "hit", and the photo showed the target's appearance. Story Guy burned the photo to eliminate evidence. It was revealed in a LRRcast that the picture of was of Uwe Boll. Because Uwe Boll is still alive and well, it is possible that this segment is actually anachronistic, and occurs chronologically after the present day.
- Also in Holiday, several of the items Story Guy packs seem to be hints, most notably the gun and the combat knife in the quick-draw sheath.
- A $8,000 donation to the Season 11 Kickstarter, the largest donation allowed, was given the title "Story Guy."