Qwerpline Ep08 - Fourth Quarter

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Sadie's in with the weather, Richter somehow takes to the skies, and Derek goes back to school.

Vital Statisics

Ep.08 Titlecard

Date: December 14, 2015

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner

Editing: Graham Stark

Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: Featherweight

Runtime: 11:39

Slogan: "The Second Best Miami!"

  • The Nsbery tourism board won the right to use that slogan after defeating lesser Miami in a sideball tournament in 1979

Sponsor: Mary O'Flahrety's Lairy Disparity A bleak burlesque show exposing the frailties of modern life and the human condition! Mary O'Flahrety's Lairy Disparity! Marvel at their temerity!


  • Two vessels heavily implied to be the sponsors of the previous two qwerpline episodes have crashed on the river. There were 25 fatalities, all of them beavers.
  • There will be a public service at the Town Hall on Sunday, with reception to follow at the Town Hall
  • Nattering Pines shopping mall has been uncondemned, presumably not for the first time

Derek live on location

Derek is on location at the highschool, currently preparing for the fourth quarter holiday dance, and he is concerned he’ll be forced to go back to school. The dance was going to be a rave, but it was changed to a line-dance after the event’s planner reveals his plan to “accidentally” reach second base with Melody Yum the sideball star.


The week’s forecast consists of

  • Tuesday - Rainy
  • Wednesday - Showers
  • Thursday - Light Drizzle, moving into a Heavy Drizzle, moving into a Torrential Downpour
  • Friday - Double Rain (raining twice, twice as much, for four times as much rain)


The helicopter is grounded today, so Richter is on a hang glider, and has been for 7 hours in the rain. He peed right onto highway 3.

Coming up

  • The Burg Scouts will be lighting the fourth quarter tree in town square, after it has marinated in white gas for the past 3 days.
  • Jimmy Jam's Afternoon Jams and the Prank Patrol has taken all the fire extinguishers near the town square and replaced them with something. Graham and Alex quickly realize the problem and run off to save the city.


  • Mary O'Flahrety's Lairy Disparity

"A bleak burlesque show exposing the frailties of modern life and the human condition! Mary O'Flahrety's Lairy Disparity! Marvel at their temerity!"

Alternatively: A bleak burlesque show exposing the frailties of modern life and maybe some other things! Mary O'Flahrety's Lairy Disparity! They've got great dextarity!

  • Nsberg Volunteer Coast Guard


  • One is legally obligated to put “His honor the Aldersm’n” before Alex’s name until they get a notarized document from the Therpston county town council
  • Lesser Miami is stuck with the slogan “still legally a miami” after losing to Nsburg in a sideball tournament in 1979
  • For tax purposes, the city of Nsburg counts beaver fatalities in the grand total of fatalities
  • Nsberg is landlocked, but there was a time when it wasn’t
  • The Volunteer Coast Guard consists of a single man named Gordon
  • The Volunteer Coast Guard's name is spelled with an e, instead of the u that every other Nsburg related thing has, according to

Dramatis Personae

Announcer - Beej

Big G-Money - Graham

His Honor the Aldersm’n A-Train - Alex

Derek - Beej

Susan Snuffstitch - Kathleen

Lance Glint - Ian

Sadie Casperson - Kathleen

Richter Hammockslam - Ian

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