Professional Stabbists

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Date: September 8, 2014

Category: Shorts

Appearing: Graham Stark, Kathleen De Vere, Paul Saunders, Serge Yager, Jo Stinson, Emily Jarrett, Eric Jarrett, Ashley Turner, Cameron Lauder and Alex Steacy

Writing: Kathleen De Vere

Camera: James Turner, Paul Saunders

Boom: Cameron Lauder, Alex Steacy

Editing: Graham Stark

Executive Producers: Andrew "Omega Lairon" Paye, Rachel Bradford and Christian "Imat" Johnson

Synopsis

Kathleen plays Jennifer, the host of Local Mix, "the talk show about what's going on in your town". On this edition of the program, she's interviewing Greg Smith-Imes, a professional competitor in the emerging sport of "Stabbing." At first, Jennifer assumes that the name of the sport cannot possibly refer to actually stabbing people, and that it must be a term taken from some esoteric subculture. However, it soon becomes clear (to her increasing distress) that the sport Greg is involved in is simply organized stabbing.

Greg explains that competitors in the Professional Stabbist League are separated into teams each year, and from there the action is free-for-all, preserving the element of surprise involved in the art of stabbing. Scoring is based both on how many opponents a team stabs and the stylistic merit of the stabbings. As Greg is recounting the details of a recent year, a man sneaks up behind him and stabs him in the back. Jennifer erupts in to screaming, further aggravated when she learns that the man is Greg's son, Justin, who is training for entry into professional stabbing. Judges arrive and award Justin scores in the high 50s, a new record for him. Greg congratulates him and is in the middle of lamenting the loss of two percentage points for a complete kill, but dies mid-sentence. Justin is awarded the extra points when a referee confirms Greg's death. As Justin's team comes up to celebrate with him, the crew of "Local Mix" dissolves into a panic.

Trivia

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