LoadingReadyRun Streams Quotes

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Contents

CheckPointPlus

  • Kathleen: "I can't control what comes out of my mouth. There's no brain thing there. The tongue is engaging separately. It's pure reptile instinct."
CP+ After-Show
  • Kathleen: "Come down to GSC Europe map warehouse where GSC stands for Geograpically Somewhat Correct. Our maps are mostly European but have great new countries, like Snorsh."
CP+ After-Show subscriber commercial
  • Graham: "I haven't even been to Blight Town yet."
Kathleen: "I don't know what that means."
Graham: "You'll be able to infer it when I start screaming from the other room."
CheckPointPlus
  • Graham: *after getting the NAACP confused with the AARP* "We are from a different country. We don't know your things."
CheckPointPlus

Graham & Paul Let's Play

Dark

  • Graham: "I can tell you about Sanctuary. Dude, they have twins, *twins*, working there, though the DJ doesn't know what she's doing. She's a real bitch."
Dark
  • Graham begins level in a dead-end alley, facing out
Graham: "Where did I come in from?"
Dark
  • Paul: *making fun of the take-down animation* "By the rules of this game I'm playing, I have to die now."
Dark
  • Graham: "Okay men, we're going up against dangerous vampires that have killed dozens of people, but the budget's a bit tight, so only half of you get armour."
Dark
  • Paul: "I don't see how that's a special power. It's just teleporting and punching a guy."
Dark
  • Paul: "These guys need a radio. Seriously. This is not the sort of information you should be sending over email."
Paul: *imitating soldier* "Hey, did you get that message about me advancing? GMail's been acting weird lately."
Dark
  • Paul: "What was your plan?"
Graham: "I was going to punch him, but he wasn't close enough."
Dark
  • Graham: "Oh, food! No, wait, he's got armor."
Dark
  • Graham: *after finishing 'Dark'* "You know what we could do for the next hour?"
Paul: "Cry bitterly?"
Dark
  • Paul: *after finishing Dark* "We are no longer playing Dark." [pause] "Dark can Get. Fucked."
Dark -- YouTube (8:25)

Beyond: Two Souls

  • Paul: *looking at a cake, playing as Aiden* "I threw it on the ground!" *cake explodes*
Beyond: Two Souls
  • Paul: "No burning?"
Graham: "Eh, I don't think we have to kill them all."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • Paul: "So, you wanna sleep with the guy later?"
Graham: "Yeah, sure."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • Paul: "My apologies to the people upset that we missed a thing, but I really don't care."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • *Jodie is expected to deliver a baby*
Graham: I don't... I... Key..."
Paul: "The CIA did not train me for this."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • Graham: "X to comfort!"
Paul: "You have failed the comforting mini-game. She is not comforted at all."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • *A QTE appears for Jodie to cut the umbilical cord*
Graham: "Oh God, don't fuck this up."
Paul: "Why is cutting the cord like a God of War sequence?"
Beyond: Two Souls
  • Paul: "It's like 'Think, Jodie, think... I know, the ghost thing that's the point of this game! I'll use that!'"
Graham: "'I'm a genius!'"
Paul: "'...The thing that I use to solve every single problem!'"
Graham: "'It's brilliant!'"
Beyond: Two Souls
  • *Jodie knocks on the door and a very handsome Native American answers it*
Jodie: "I'm so sorry to disturb you"
Graham: "...you massive hunk of man."
Beyond: Two Souls
  • *A guard turns Jodie away from the Supermarket*
Graham: "What, you just know she's homeless, and you're all like: 'Ah-ah-ah!'"
Paul: "Well she is all roughed up..."
Graham: "It could be Exam Period!"
Beyond: Two Souls
  • *Paul notices that Aiden is no longer tied to Jodie*
Paul: "I'm freeeeeee!"
*gets blocked by wall*
Paul: "Aww."
Beyond: Two Souls

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

  • Paul: "You have lost your RPG privileges young man."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Paul: *reading chat* "'Did you just fight a helicopter with a sword?' Yes. If you have a problem with this, get out."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Graham: "I may have accidentally destroyed that train car."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Paul: "This bad guy comes pre-sliced."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Graham: "I forgot I had the thing made of arms."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Graham: *after having a game mechanic explained in a near-end final boss fight* "OH! That explains EVERY QUESTION I HAD WITH THIS COMBAT SYSTEM."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Graham: "His sword legitimately has Twitter."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Paul: "My platform: Enormous spider robots for everyone! A spider robot in every garage! Also, larger garages."
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

The Witcher 2

  • Graham: "Racial Profiling: It's not always wrong!"
The Witcher 2

Ryse: Son of Rome

  • Graham: "Search the swamp for enemies and/or Yoda!"
Ryse: Son of Rome

Killzone: Shadowfall

  • In-game voice: "You've lost sight of what matters!"
Paul: "Hey, I am all about what matters! Poontang."
Killzone: Shadowfall

Psychonauts

  • Paul: "I lit myself on fire, but on the plus side, I lit the rest of them on fire."
Psychonauts

Things on My Stream

Oni

  • Paul: "The problem is real buildings are boring."
Oni
  • Paul: "Don't make me put my face in front of your fists. Because I wouldn't like to do that."
Oni
  • Paul: "How do you like them apples? I bet you don't like them at all. I bet you don't like apples in that way."
Oni
  • Enemy: "You're weak!"
Paul: "Well, you're flipped, so what are you gonna do about it?"
Oni
  • Paul: "Oh no! He got palette-swapped! The worst!"
Oni
  • Paul: "*excitedly* This actually brings us to another... *goes disappointed* flaw with this game."
Oni
  • Paul: "I got hit by all of the missiles. Look at the difference in my life."
Oni
  • Paul: "It's in good hands, but I don't know whose hands those are."
Oni
  • Paul: "This is the Saga of Baggage Handler Man!"
Oni

Out of This World

  • Paul: *desk explodes* "That was a large part of my desk that I needed. Also, me."
Out of This World
  • Paul: *after about 30-odd deaths on one part* "What the hell?! I did all that and it's a dead end?"
Out of This World

Psychonauts

  • Paul: "You are right. The reason Graham isn't here, is that he hates you."
Psychonauts

Loom

  • Voiceover: "Please select your skill level."
Paul: *selects expert* "We're not scrubs here."
Loom

Beej's Backlog

Main Article: Beej's Backlog

Endless Ocean

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

  • Beej: "Oh god, it begins."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "Oh, right. The nineties."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Opening cut-scene shows pirate ships
Beej: "So for those of you tuning in, we are playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. The reason it looks like garbage is because I'm playing it on your least favorite video game system - you can fill in THAT blank however you like."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "I'm totally getting this game-OH, JESUS!"
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "Do I slide to the bottom, or do I just keep humping poles?"
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "I stabbed between her legs, didn't I?"
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej (after the camera clips through an enemy): "Hey, did you guys ever want to see the ass-end of an exploding dog?"
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "You take forever to get up you dumb dick."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej: "She's naked. She's not invincible."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
  • Beej (on failing to be able to complete the game due to a game-breaking portal glitch right before the last boss battle) : "Get bent, Ubisoft."
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

Odama

  • Just about everyone at some point: "Thanks, Odama!"
Odama
  • Beej: "How do I launch rice balls?"
Odama
  • Beej: "Does he have giant hands? Why is there...? What the hell is that thing?"
Odama
  • Beej: "Nooo! Give me my Odama back!"
Odama
  • Beej: "Stop fucking talking so I can see the ball!"
Odama
  • Beej: "Shitty McFucks! My guys can't do dick all!"
Odama
  • Beej: "Don't press the X button while you're having a rant, because these guys don't understand English!"
Odama
  • Beej: "Here! Have a morale bong!"
Odama
  • Beej: *in happy voice* "Oh really?! Oh wow! That sucks! FUCK YOU!"
Odama

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life

  • Beej: "I bet ya I need more of that weed."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I thought this would be actual food."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "We're going to play until I can grow something successful, get another animal, and either make friends with the old lady, or marry a cat."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: *regarding sketchy guy* "OK, just walk around my farm. I don't mind. Please don't murder me."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "It's sunset and I'm missing it because I'm watering my fucking plants."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "It's 3 AM. What the fuck am I doing up?"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "Look! A tomato I grew! Wanna get married?"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I thought you were a girl, too. Are you picking me up? I've got some news for ya, kid."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "Did I milk the wrong half of the cow?"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I'm probably going to drink one of the milks, and then probably the second one."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Alex: "You're just slamming unpasteurized milk? That's H-core!"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "That's the thing about Dixbutt. If Dixbutt is happy, you get better cows."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: *picks up unknown object off the ground and eats it* "Mmmm... Fresh... thing..."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Alex: "Twitter and Tumblr are really a getting senpai to notice you simulator."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: *to Nami, who won't take the milk he's offering her* "You drink my fucking milk!"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I wouldn't put a human body in the compost heap. That'd be terrible for the compost."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I have a dog and I don't know..."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "OK, I walk into her butt..."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "He has been underground so long, he has phosphorescent urine."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Alex: "I can't normal people."
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
  • Beej: "I got all dressed up for nothing!"
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life, when the wedding was basically just a cut to black.

Beejalex wed.png

Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

  • *getting handle on controls in a speeder, bumping into everything'*
Beej: "Oh man, you cannot destroy this thing."
*vehicle crashes into a wall and explodes*
Beej: "You can destroy this thing!"
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
  • Beej: "Something big and purple shows up on my screen and I just want to shoot lasers into it."
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
  • Beej: "I can't pick up their weapons. I guess they're part of their hands."
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
  • Beej: "This is not run-and-gun so much as it is herp-and-derp."
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
  • Beej: "I'm in some kind of... shiny gold Hell..."
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
  • *boosts straight into the shield gate*
Beej: "I hit the wrong button..."
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike

Yoot Tower

  • Graham: "How high can you build this thing? Have you touched the face of God?"
Heather: "We saw Santa!"
Graham: "That's almost the same thing."
Yoot Tower
  • Beej: "You have an entire floor for peeing!"
Yoot Tower

Super Princess Peach

  • Beej: "If you come to LRRCon and I find out you've been calling me a scrub, I'm gonna punch you in the face. I guess my wife will be first when I get home."
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "They're my subjects, I can do what I will with them."
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "OH YEAH! Fecal transplants are AWESOME!"
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "There's, like, a pound of dicks I need you to eat."
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "I was a pretty big deal in the Sailor Moon community."
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "I've had a buttload of sex."
Super Princess Peach
  • Beej: "Don't make 'straight penised' a thing."
Super Princess Peach
  • Alex: "Next time you're in Seattle we're going to have to fill you with Dick's."
Super Princess Peach

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

  • Beej (after dying in Bowser's platforming section): "He has shit physics!"
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
  • Heather: *notices scrub counter in chat* The scrub count is much higher than that."
Beej: "I think it's per stream."
Heather: "No, even for this stream it's higher than that."
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
  • Beej: *attempting to fly from platform to platform*
Heather: "You'll get there. I believe in you"
Beej: "Thank you."
Beej: *dives off the platform again*
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
  • Beej: "You're not buffering, you're just watching the same thing over and over again."
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

IDDQDerp

Main Article: IDDQDerp

Metro: Last Light

  • Alex aiming a sniper rifle at a bad guy's head
Alex: "What do you think his hopes and dreams look like?"
Cam: "Let's look."
Boom, headshot.[1]
Metro: Last Light
  • Cam sounding out a sign written in Russian
Alex: "Wait, you can read that!?"
Cam: "Well, Cyrillic is heavily based in Greek, right?"
Alex: "...You can read Greek?"
Metro: Last Light

Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

  • Graham: "You got the Belt of Truth!"
Cam: "What about the socks of righteousness?"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Graham: "So this really looks like Quake, right? But like BAD Quake?"
Alex: "This...this looks like Quake by way of Doom or Wolfenstein."
Cam: "Yeah, this looks like not Quake; like...Heretic?"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: "Are those blood drops on his pool cue!?"
Graham cracks up
Alex: "What are we even looking at?"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Cam: "It's just as good as any game a heathen would play."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: "This is like "The Room" of video games."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Graham: "Pick up the scroll; it'll explain everything."
Alex: "Will it? I suspect it will explain nothing."
Alex picks up the scroll and reads it
Alex *laughing*: "Who takes drugs out of a test tube?"
Cam: "Especially if they're carrying a MAC10?"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Cam: "This is like the game Insane Clown Posse would make."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex repeats the start of the game for the third time
Alex: "I am OFFENDED that I'm getting better at this game."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Graham: "Wh... Why is there a sub-ocean?!"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: "I just do not know whether to shit or go blind."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: *picks up scripture* "Neat. I've got Corinthians apparently. Is Corinthians good?"
Graham: "I think you should look at getting them removed. I think Maya had Corinthians once."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Graham: "Can you get the door?"
Alex: "Is that a door? Is anything real? Am I real?"
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: "OK, let's try and break the brown cube that materialized over the lava gate."
Graham: "You say that like it's going to be so hard."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • "STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL!" (stage music)
Alex: WE TRIED STANDING AGAINST THE DEVIL, IT DIDN'T WORK!
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Cam: "The only thing I can take away from this game is that there is no God."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God
  • Alex: "Hey! We've got a compass!"
Cam: "That goes from zero to North..."
Inflict a Game on Alex - Prayer Warriors: All Out for God

Killing Floor

  • Alex: "You can't just scream like that for no reason!"
Killing Floor
  • Alex: "Really? KFC chips are salty? In other news, the sky is blue."
Killing Floor

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

  • Alex: "♫Ride into the YOLO Zone.♫" (to the tune of "Danger Zone")
Cam: "I hate you so much."
Alex: "I'm sorry."
Cam: "I don't think that's true."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Cam: "What was on the other side of that door?"
Alex: "What do you mean 'was'?"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex looting a bad guy after taking him down with a lot of ammo used
Alex: "This guy does not have the bullets I need."
Cam: "Well, he has one of them, at least."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex finishes clearing out a bandit encampment
Cam: "How many Russians have you murdered today?"
Alex: "None! They're all Ukrainian."
Cam: Oh. Well, that's all right then."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Graham (off-camera): "Can you be straight murdered a little more quietly?"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex just straight up drinks two CASES of vodka. POV goes full QWOP
Alex: "Boy, are we ever drunk."
Cam: "It's like I'm at PAX again."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex respawns for around the fifth time in the same section
Alex: "Get fucked!"
Alex tosses a grenade into the next room
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: *deadpan* "Screw you, rebar."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Sidorovich (NPC): "You got the loot?"
Alex: "Is.. is.. is that a... that a sex thing?"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "HO! They are really rushin'. RushING. They're not Rus... Well, they probably actually are Russian."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Speaker: shouting an automated message in Russian
Alex: "Did he say he wanted a pizza?"
Speaker: (later) shouting same message
Alex: "He does want a pizza!"
Speaker: (later) shouting same message
Alex: *annoyed* "You can't have a pizza."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex dies for around the sixth time in the same section
Alex: "That was the game's way of punishing us for abandoning 'stoppin' powah'"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Beej: "Chat's giving you shit for passing the P90."
Alex: "Shut up. You're not better than me."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "Was that a Beyond Thunderdome reference?!"
Beej: "Yep."
Alex: "I don't know if I'm more offended that you made that reference or that I got it."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Beej: "You know what a catheter is?"
Alex: "Beej, this is my stream. I don't want to hear about your stream."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Beej: "You have no idea how happy you can be to be able to pee again."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "Why is there just a pelvis? ... Like, did that guy just poop his pelvis out? That's pretty upsetting."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "That uh, for those of you who've never seen one before, is a *zombie appears* nneeenurk burnurfnurgle"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "Serge, your plan isn't working. Serge! Your plan is completely murdering me!"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Serge: "What? You're covered in cat too? What is wrong with you people?"
Graham (off-camera): "Have you seen my cat? That's why I'm covered in fur."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Serge: "Why are there tentacles in our chest?"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "Apparently, our blind spot is directly in front of us. That's not good."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Serge: "Grenades solve everything."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "Welcome to S.T.A.L.K.E.R.! Is that a rock?!"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: "It's some sort of weird mystery gun."
Serge: "Does it take bullets?"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
  • Alex: *scared by monster* "Hold me, Serge."
Serge: "You're covered in cat, or else I would."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

Payday 2: The Heist

  • Alex: "Apparently, I loaded my gun with chewing gum this morning."
Payday 2: The Heist
  • AeroCmdr: "I'm throwing a grenade."
Alex: "Where, where are you throwing a grenade? That's relevant information."
Payday 2: The Heist
  • Shielded police appears from around the corner
Alex: "Oh no! What a bad time to have a" *gets shot down* "erburgermorglefurdle..."
Payday 2: The Heist
  • Alex: "Oh, shit a dick nose!"
AeroCmdr: "Shit a dick nose?"
Alex: "Yes. Did I stutter or something?"
Payday 2: The Heist

Half Life 2: SMOD

  • Alex: "You can't eat pelvises in this mod? Immersion ruined!"
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex: "Did that helicopter just throw bones at us?"
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex: "At the risk of crashing the game..."
Activates bullet time
Game crashes
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex: "I think there's another sniper...♫"
Dies
Alex: ಠ_ಠ
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Tosses Antlion Guard up on to platform, where it mauls a Combine soldier
Alex: DEAL WITH IT!
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Charges weapon
Alex: "KA-ME-HA-MEopps"
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex: "I'll eat your invisible meat!"
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Shoots a chair at an enemy
Alex: "We've decided to appoint you the chair."/"Have a seat."
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex: "No, no, we'll do this properly."
Pulls out shovel and destroys everything in sight
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Alex turns a corner and a fast zombie charges at him
Alex: "Fuck yo' couch!"
Launches couch at zombie
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Rebel: "We're looking to join you Dr. Freeman."
Alex: throws exploding banana at her
Half Life 2: SMOD
  • Destroys wardrobe with shovel
Alex: "Take this, Aslan!"
Half Life 2: SMOD

Dishonored

  • Emily goes to play Hide and Seek
Alex jumps off the bridge
Alex: "Haha! Broke my legs! I'm good at this game."
Dishonored
  • Alex: *after singing a silly song and not coming up with lyrics to end it* "I don't really have an exit strategy for this song."
Dishonored
  • *after twice shooting a guard with a tranquilizer dart only to find him in a pool of blood*
Alex: "Did he fall on his sword? Or is this guy just a hemophiliac?!"
Dishonored
  • Alex: "If Deadpool was committed to not killing people, that's Good Guy Corvo."
Dishonored
  • Piero: "Can I be of service to you?"
Alex: "Yes. You could be less creepy."
Dishonored
  • *finds grapes in sewer water*
Alex: "Sweet! Free grapes!"
*gags as he eats them*
Alex: "Oh those taste real good."
Dishonored
  • Alex: "Good Guy Corvo apologizes."
Dishonored
  • Alex: "What the shit?! Why did he explode?!"
Dishonored

Dementium 2: HD

  • *after failing to get the controls in the game to work, Alex can't get the game to quit either*
Alex: "Today on IDDQDerp: Alex doesn't play a game."
Dementium 2: HD
  • Alex: "I'm being attacked by the cover of a metal album!"
Dementium 2: HD
  • *after not knowing what he was doing, the boss monster died*
Alex: "I won... apparently..."
Dementium 2: HD
  • Alex: "How am I supposed to attack a cloud of flies with a sledgehammer?"
Dementium 2: HD
  • Alex: *referring to bad ghosts* "You guys are putting me to sleep! I find scarier things in the toilet in the morning."
Dementium 2: HD
  • Graham: "The chairs have clipping. The tables do not."
Dementium 2: HD
  • *after entering a cave that has buildings in it*
Alex: "Where the shit are we now? Are we in crap-tier NORAD?"
Dementium 2: HD
  • *after yet another Chestmaw rises out of floor to try and bar his progress, Alex raises a sledgehammer*
Alex: "Whatever, I'm gonna smash your no-shadow-casting ass."
Dementium 2: HD
  • Alex: "Are you kidding me? I lost my super-weapon because I threw it through a door."
Dementium 2: HD
  • Graham: *describing an enemy's sound* "It sounds like someone's gargling, then getting hit in the balls."
Dementium 2: HD

Thief (2014)

  • Alex: "What the fuck is a gabble-wing?"
Thief (2014)
  • Alex: "Right. Now where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted by people doing their fucking job?"
Thief (2014)
  • Alex: "Is that a jar of raven?"
Thief (2014)
  • Alex: "Is this seriously a brothel? It's got a bat dispenser."
Thief (2014)
  • *NPCs arguing with each other while the rug is burning*
Alex: "Shit's on fire, yo!"
Thief (2014)

Teslagrad

Alex: "♫ Just gonna fist all of the pillbugs. ♫"
Teslagrad
Alex: "♫ Don't take that out of context. ♫"
Teslagrad

Bulletstorm

  • Alex: "I don't know what this is, but I'm going to blow it up! It looks important!"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Try my bullet sauce!"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "I think I got killed by a punk band."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: *enemy explodes a guy using a laser whip* "Cool! I want it!"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: *zaps dying teammate with laser whip* "LIVE!"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Come here! I want to tell you story about bullet! Here is sequel! It's about more bullet! Did you like it?"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: *sliding down a water-slide* "We're having a good time! No, we're drowning..."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Gonna shoot you in the dick! That was not your dick; it was your thigh. That was your leg."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Just stop having momentum..."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Why are you made out of Cheetos?"
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "I am Morgan Freeman and I am going up your ass."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "Elysium? Where's Matt Damon? I want him to explain this shit."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "I look at this game and think SMOD and Quake had a love child, and then it had an abusive foster parent."
Bulletstorm
  • Alex: "They were robots! I saw them! They were full of mayonnaise!"
Bulletstorm

Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

  • Alex: *unloading an entire clip into an enemy* "I'm so sorry!"
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
  • Alex: *unloading an entire clip into an enemy* "Sorry! You looked like a Nazi!"
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
  • Alex: *enters new airship* "This one's full of nuclear-tomics."
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
  • Alex: *mind-controls the Nazi-esque penguin* "Guten Tag!" *shoots the other enemies*
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
  • Alex: "Try my air juggle!"
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken

Remember Me

  • Alex: "I am just a photon torpedo."
Remember Me
  • Alex: "♫ I'm gonna take... a thousand years... to walk down this hallway... to piss you all off! ♫"
Remember Me
  • Alex: "Whoa! There's another cyber-groin-lady-ninja!"
Remember Me
  • Alex: "I can't hear you over this John Williams!"
Remember Me
  • Alex: *reading graffiti* "'You are what you remember.' Then I'm fucked!"
Remember Me
  • Alex: *memory overloading enemy* "Hope you like infomercials... Here's ALL OF THEM!"
Remember Me
  • Alex: "We have to climb Notre Dame Cathedral? Sick!"
Remember Me
  • Alex: *gets many Biohazard warnings* "Danger: Everything"
Remember Me

Silent Hill: Downpour

  • Alex: "Is this a thing? Can I thing this?"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "Adobe After-Effects is after us again! Shit!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "I am Rag-Bra, the Barbarian!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex (in chat, while the stream was down):
"well in the mean time we bring you silent hill text version"
"James Sunderland was really sad in the house"
"He got his pipe and fought a monster"
"bad end"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: *running away from witch* "DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "It's a dead black Klansman..."
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "But I don't want Jello children!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "You are entirely too moist..."
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: *Murphy makes the weakest jump imaginable* "How fucking white is this guy?"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Susie: "He's a puppy! A large, gangly, eat-your-face puppy!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: "Why is there an office in the safe?"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: *after nailing Jesus to a crucifix* "I had a nail gun and He was there! What was I supposed to do?"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Charlotte: "That dude's got a knife."
*enemy gets crushed by a door*
Susie: "Now he's got a dead."
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: *fighting the last boss* "We're gonna pull the plug, Grandpa! We need that inheritance to get the fuck outta Silent Hill!"
Silent Hill: Downpour
  • Alex: *quoting the music lyrics* "'Consume the darkness in my mind'?"
Susie: "You don't want to do that. You could get kuru."
Silent Hill: Downpour

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

  • Alex: "I can just flip people off whenever I want?"
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
  • Alex: *after getting his current car shot up, on fire, and rolling it over several times, he finds a new car*"Is this a better car? Oh, this one isn't busted!"
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
  • Alex: "'Secure area of hostiles'? That's like the whole island!"
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
  • Alex: *laughing* "I need to punch the nuclear reactor!"
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
  • Alex: "♫ Slowest elevator in the universe! ♫"
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
  • Alex: "Hang glider? I thought I was going home! How foolish of me."
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Lifeless Planet

  • Alex walks under some barbed wire
Alex: "Your security features are" *deadly plant appears* "wargarble!"
Lifeless Planet
  • Alex: *misses a jump and falls to death* "YOLOFUCKSHITASS!"
Lifeless Planet

Alice: Madness Returns

  • Alex: "Be cool-- BE COOL! All of this would have been avoided if you'd just been cool!"
Alice: Madness Returns

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

  • Alex: "Oh my god! The energy drink is called CRUNK!"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat
  • Alex (reloading while being shot at): "Get into the gun, bullets!"
S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat
  • Alex: "Now, where are we being shot from?"
Graham (whispers): "Everywhere..."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat
  • Alex: "Senpai, I'm so full of bullets now."
Graham: "..."
S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Call of Pripyat

Kerbal Space Program

  • Graham: Hey Ray, look at this rocket we're building.
*pause*
Ray (off-camera): Oh my god.
Kerbal Space Program

Besiege

  • Alex: "We're abusing it pretty relentlessly."
Cam: "Isn't that what it's for?"
Besiege
  • Graham (upon seeing the final version of "Even Worse Ideas"): "Oh my god. You listened to James, you monster."
Besiege

The Book of Passwords

Metal Gear 2

  • Graham: "Capture card? Capture card!"
Metal Gear 2
  • Jer: "The cheetah has lost to a snake?"
Graham: "Well, if the cheetah runs into a mine..."
Metal Gear 2
  • Graham: "When you get to Big Boss, can you ask him why he has random children just littering his facility?"
Jer: "There was talk of war orphans at some point..."
Graham: "It's pronounced 'Warphans'."
Metal Gear 2

Marathon

  • Ian to Jer: "I am very sorry for fisting you as hard as I can."
Marathon
  • Jer: "I want to find out what this is." *turns corner* "It's a barrel."
Marathon

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

  • Graham: "That bat has a sword. Why is that bat carrying a sword?"
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
  • Graham: "You can Moonwalk? You... can... Moonwalk?"
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
  • Graham: "Dracula's got harpies in his clock tower for like his whole friggin' whole life. 'I'm sorry, buddy. You've got harpies. Real bad case up in your clock tower.'"
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
  • Graham: "Jer, I will tell you when you have big balls."
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
  • Jer: "I'm sorry. I cannot talk and speak at the same time."
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood

Strider

  • Alex: "Why do you collect a guy?"
Strider
  • Jer: "Why are they carrying a bus?"
Strider

Diablo

  • Paul: "A sign. You want me to fight deamons for A sign."
Slightly later:
Paul: "It's a sign! Make a new one!"
Diablo

Jet Grind Radio

  • Jer: "Don't take that police officer to the bathroom, Ash. That's really creepy."
Jet Grind Radio
  • Jer: "A train is going through you, at this second."
Jet Grind Radio
  • Ash: "Getting hit by buses: super-bad for your health."
Jet Grind Radio

Kirby's Dreamland

  • Tally: "We're underground! How are there coconuts?!"
Kirby's Dreamland
  • Tally: "You can't kill those guys... because lame."
Kirby's Dreamland
  • Tally: "Kitty-faced bastard!"
Kirby's Dreamland

Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara

  • Tally: "We killed a dragon. This is such a wonderful bonding moment. Every marriage should have more dragon slaying in it."
Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara

I, Horner

Shenmue

  • *Ian fighting sailors*
Ian: "Nope, wrong button."
*crashes into the bar*
Shenmue
  • Ryo (in game): "He used a style I've never seen."
Cori: "He just kept punching me over and over."
Ian: "The ancient art of 'stop hitting yourself'."
Shenmue
  • *Ian comes across a scroll titled 'Mud Spider'*
Ian: "I'm pretty sure that's racist."
Shenmue
  • *While trying to dial a phone number*
Ian: "Whoever is yelling out numbers in the main room, please stop."
Shenmue
  • *Upon discovering the shrine cat is missing*
Alex: "I swear to God, if this cat doesn't come back I am burning this office to the ground"
Ian: "Cori, get on FAQ duty; we need to find out where this cat is."
Shenmue
  • Ian (looking for a travel agency): "This seems like the place."
*stops in front of boarded-up shop*
Shenmue

Kathleen Saves the World

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

  • Alex: Hey, I heard you were playing Atlus games, so I brought some neckbeard.
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Kathleen: "Get fucked Dante! [...] What a shitbag."
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Kathleen: "Thanks for destroying the world, ass-hat!"
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Kathleen: *sweetly* "Awwww... Thank you... Go fuck yourself."
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Kathleen: "I'm so mad. My face hurts from snarling."
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

South Park: The Stick of Truth

  • Graham: "Oh hey, you're friends with Jesus."
Kathleen: "Turns out Jesus is really easy to be friends with."
Graham: "I should hope so."
South Park: The Stick of Truth

Final Fantasy X HD

  • Kathleen: "Alright, time for feels. Then it's time for Yuna to smash this guy's dick in."
Final Fantasy X HD

Final Fantasy X 2 HD

  • Kathleen: "Fuck your onions."
Final Fantasy X 2 HD

A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

Main Article: A Swiftly Tilting Cameron

XCOM: Enemy Within

  • Cam: "Would you look at that mustache? That must be the most handsome man in XCOM."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "$1? Come on! Who wants to buy a bullet-ridden corpse? We took out the important bits and replaced them with holes!" Video
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Pardonfuck?"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Here, I've got something I need you to hold; it's called 'lots of bullets'." Video
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "♫Napalm sticks to little children; all the children of the world♫"
(to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children") Video
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I'm sure the inquiry will say he was killed by Martians."
After accidentally killing a civilian Video
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "That was a reasonably good turn." *takes a drink of his beverage*
As he's saying this, a Chrysalid he thought was dead bursts through the door
Cam: *nearly chokes on drink* "Hi!"
Chrysalid chows down on Bill DaCat
Cam: "Awww... You were important." Video
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "We died as we lived; making the wrong choice."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Put on your damn helmet, rookie!"
XCOM: Enemy Within (repeatedly)
  • Cam: "Even though it's in Edmonton"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "♫I don't want to set your van on fire... I just want start a flame in your *PSHEW!*♫"
(to the tune of "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire")
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "You: Please replace that man's internal organs with holes." *fires* "Thank you."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "The Moonbase is mine now."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I hate you all and wish you were dead. Luckily, I'll get my wish."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I found a pie in the fridge, and I'm gonna eat it, and deal with the consequences. But, I need pie right now."
After stealing pie from the Moonbase fridge during a particularly bad stream of XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I have seriously chewed through every woman who watches this show."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Please report to Doctor Vahlen to have your legs amputated."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Alex: "What's that green thing? Is that a man?"
Cam: "Um..."
Alex: "Was it a man?"
Cam: "Don't worry about it."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "We're almost definitely going to be tripping a group up here soon."
Alex: "Wait? The pigeons?"
Cam: "No, the pigeons are just hanging out."
Alex: "I bet they're aliens."
Cam: "Don't you hate on pigeons! You son of a bitch!"
Alex: "I hate on alien pigeons."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Squaddie Devin Kerr: "Enemy spotted!"
Alex and Cam: "D'oh!"
Alex: "That's a lot of... man-zorrs..."
Cam: "Eh... They'll be fine."
Alex: "... running like purple monkeys inside."
Cam: "..." *smiles* "Odd... OK..."
Alex: "Well..."
Cam: "Um..."
Alex: "They look like purple monkeys."
Cam: *mock offended* "Racist!"
Alex: "That's...!" *throws hands in air* "Sure!"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Alex: "I assume you only have one rocket per round. Right?"
Cam: "Yeah."
Alex: "That sucks, but it's reasonable, 'cause rockets don't grow on trees."
Cam: "They definitely do not."
Alex: "I don't think I wanna visit that tree, if there was..."
Cam: "Yeah, no. The Rocket Tree?"
Alex: *laughs*
Cam: "The Rocket Tree is..."
Alex: "Rocketry. Amateur Rocketry. It's like, we're going to pick some today, and you're going to be REEEEEEALLY careful."
Cam: "Agreed."
Alex: "Turns out turn-over in this job is very high... Just like the bloody chunks."
Cam: "Welcome to the Rocketry Orchard!"
(...)
Cam: "The Rocket Tree, with the Farmer Von Braun."
Alex: *laughs*
Cam: "Watch out for Old Man Von Braun."
Alex: *bad German accent* "'Vonce the rockets are up, who cares vhere they come down? That's not my department,' says Wernher Von Braun."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Aww, Dr. Vahlen, did someone take away one of your toys? File a complaint with HR."
After destroying a Meld canister
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Alex: "What's that vortex?"
Cam: "That's where Mexico used to be."
Alex: "Used to be?"
Cam: "Don't worry about it."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I'm glad this version of the Earth is doomed."
Alex: "This doomed world-line."
Cam "Yep. Every saved game that we pave results in the extinction of humans on that world, and by that point, I'm pretty happy. I could just sit here all night paving saved games and thinking: Seven billion, fourteen billion, twenty-one billion..."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "How is everyone this week? Doing well? Alright. Let's get y'all shot."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Six turns? If there's anything left moving on this map in six turns, I'm going to be disappointed."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "That's the third time today she's been strangled. She's basically Cheryl from Archer."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Our only other option is... well. Hm. That was our good option."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I never thought I'd be able to kill this many people in my life. Thank you, everyone."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "You. Rectify your earlier mistake."
Soldier blows sectoid away
Cam: "Adequate."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I want to missile you so hard."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Oh yeah, who's getting real food when we get back to base? (Asterisk.)"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "I'd like to think my office would have bookshelves. Pillows. A eunuch with a palm frond. You know, the essentials."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *opens door, tripping a group of sectoids* "Hi! Candygram!" *tosses a grenade*
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "If you want to see the end-game content, there's a really easy way to do that."
Lars: "Play on easy like I did?"
Cam: "...true."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Oh for fucking out loud."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *after getting distracted by amusing rookie names* "Where was I going with this? I was definitely thinking words."
XCOM: Enemy Within
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Oh, a new subscriber! freelance108, welcome to A Swiftly Tilting Cameron, be sure to add your name to the list so I can get you killed."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *after talking about how much he likes the game, a soldier misses a 99% shot* "I fucking hate this game so much."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Lars: *after Rookie Han is the only one left alive* "You got this Han. You could say he's going solo."
Cam: "I will kill you. I will actually kill you."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Attention aliens."
*fires rocket*
Cam: "Get wrecked."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Now, this assault guy should have the ability to..."
*soldier annihilated*
Cam: "Holy shit!"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Let's get... Theatrical"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *dismissing low-ranked soldiers in his home game* "Your contribution to Earth's defense has been noted. Thank you, come again."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *After alien leader mentions something about power being in his grasp* "I'll put something in your grasp. No, wait, what?"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Welcome to Urf."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *game crashes during final cut-scene*
Cam: *headdesk*
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *game crashes again, fails to give achievement*
Cam: "Oh for titting fuck shit! Ball chunder!"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *game crashes a third time, fails to give achievement*
Cam: "NO, YOU SON OF A... I'll KILL YOU! I! WILL! KILL! YOU!"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *final boss keeps reflecting attacks*
Cam: "Dear mother-fucker: Get wrecked."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *Cam tries to skip the final cut-scene*
Cam: "Bypass all the encryptions!"
*Windows home screen appears*
Cam: "No, not like that!"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam (shakily, after the third CTD): "I didn't think they really meant impossible when they said 'Impossible.'"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Looking down the bore of a shotgun is like looking into the keyhole of the bathroom of God."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Rookie (after missing a shot): "That's a load of bull!"
Cam: "I agree! We'll discuss it on your performance review."
Jo: "He won't make it that long."
Cam: "Oh he might. Depends how much he believes in blood clotting."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Jo: "Why does it sound like there are firetrucks approaching?"
Cam: "Oh, that's the music."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam (playing on the highway map): "Get in a car and run them over. Just back over them. Do something."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam: "We can do this."
*beat*
Cam: "We cannot actually do this. We will reap only ruin."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam: "Amythist, don't be ridiculous; no one comes to retrieve the bodies. That would be dangerous."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam: "Everything's fine. We're fine."
*two countries panic*
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam: "Please report to Dr. Vahlen to have your head sawn off."
XCOM: Enemy Within (12 hour stream)
  • Cam: "Dr. Vahlen's going to be very mad with me for letting you live. She wanted that alien's iPhone."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "When I say 'hunker down', I do not mean 'duck your head down'; just because you can't see them doesn't mean they can't see you. I shouldn't have to explain this to a nominally sapient human being."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Any asshole can play the Sims and say 'Oh, I took away the doors, and now they pee themselves to death'. It takes an artist to create a supervillain sim."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *soldier panics*
Cam: "The correct solution in this situation is to shoot one of your friends in the back of the h- *soldier kills alien* ...what?"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "You know what? I'm just sick of your shit." *orders soldier to throw grenade at enemy*
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Zulu, I'm going to need you to take a dump right into that man's soul."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Well, we seem to have destroyed our cover. That's awkward."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: *after a completing a mission where a rookie performed admirably* "Now, what's obviously going to happen is you'll get promoted to a sniper and never get used again."
*soldier gets promoted and assigned the sniper class*
Cam: -_- "I actually called that."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Soldier: "Missed the target."
Cam. "I *know* you missed."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "We lost one member of our squad, but that doesn't mean there will be an empty bunk back home."
*soldier fails to stun Sectoid Commander*
Cam: "Fuck you."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • Cam: "Daddy drinks because you suck."
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *mech trooper fires during grenade launcher intro animation*
Cam: "Where did you fire that!?"
XCOM: Enemy Within
  • *after the stream ended*
Loadingreadyrun (in chat): HA HA FUNNY STORY EVERYONE
Loadingreadyrun (in chat): WE DIDN'T SAVE
XCOM: Enemy Within

Thief: The Dark Project

  • Cam: *after failing to get the hardware driver to work* "Looks like we're going to Pixel Town."
Thief: The Dark Project
  • *Cam turns a corner and runs straight into two guards*
Cam: "...bother."
Thief: The Dark Project
  • Cam: "Hold still, I'm trying to sock you!"
Thief: The Dark Project
  • Cam: *after fiddling with the display settings* "Randomly mashing buttons has an effect! I feel like I'm on Star Trek!"
Thief: The Dark Project
  • *only humorous retroactively*
Alex: "Dark Souls? One of us needs to play that game."
Cam: "Do we?"
Alex: "Well 'need' I use tentatively..."
Thief: The Dark Project

Master of Orion 2

  • Cam: "Aww, did your stupid crap get wrecked?"
Master of Orion 2
  • Cam: "Aww...our ships."
Master of Orion 2
  • Cam: "Oh, they've got tanks! I love watching tanks explode!"
Master of Orion 2
  • Cam: "Bye! I accidentally your entire colony."
Master of Orion 2

Civilization V: Brave New World

  • Cam: *after rival civilization achieves classical era* "Shit. We're going to lose."
Lars: "Wait, really?"
Cam: "Oh, we're playing Emperor. We were never going to win."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "Chat, there is absolutely no circumstance under which you could get me to take my shirt off."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: *surprising a barbarian* "Did you guys forget about Dre? It's not recommended that you forget about Dre."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "'Our people desire freedom?' That's inconvenient for us."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: *looking at new tech options shortly after a battleship battle* "Wait. We haven't developed ballistics yet? What have we been shooting?"
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: *Diplomatic Victory Screen appears* "No! No... *sad tone* We brought world peace..."
(...)
Cam: "I accidentally destroyed a world of conflict and brought forth an age of peace... Shit!"
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "Keep firing, assholes!"
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "This is preposterous."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • *Graham walks in and holds phone playing Super Mario Bros. 2 theme up to microphone, then leaves*
Cam: "Graham Stark, ladies and gentlemen."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "And lo, on that day we founded Atheism. With its tithe representing the bitcoins we mine, and feed the world representing the pizza places that turned away our bitcoins."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "Muskets vs riflemen? You gotta twist that!"
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "Remind me to reactivate that guy in three turns."
Lars: "Reactivate that guy in three turns."
Cam: "I will hurt you."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • Cam: "Bye, Graham. Have fun at GP Portland. Bring me back someone's ear."
Civilization V: Brave New World
  • *After a discussion in chat on what a "Yandere" is*
Julie: "I don't wanna kill you, sweetie."
Cam: "Yaaaay!"
Julie: "I just wanna cuddle you and squeeze you so hard you pop."
Cam: "...yaaaay."
Civilization V: Brave New World

Dark Souls

  • Cam (while drinking Estus): "Scuse me gotta get a gatorade."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "Brawndo. It's got what undead crave."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "Just chug a fetus."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "I'm just gonna roll around till my stam' gets drained and get stabbed a bunch , 'kay?"
Dark Souls
  • Cam *after Lars repeatedly threatens to press space*: "I swear to God Lars, your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still soft."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "Get. Fucked. Torch thing. Nobody likes you."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "Alright Solaire, you just tank him for a bit, and I'll tunnel through to his internal organs."
*Knight Solaire has been vanquished*
Cam: Uh oh!"
Dark Souls
  • *Upon defeating the Gaping Dragon after umpteen tries*
Cam: "Alright. Simple enough."
Dark Souls
  • *Dives off the edge trying to dodge poop troll*
Cam: "BYE!"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "I see you've met the mosquitoes."
Cam: "Fuck this game. It was stuck on me; I was inside it."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "I feel funny, Quelaag-chan."
Alex: *loses it*
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "No one is going home until this thing is dead."
Dark Souls
  • Cam: "Now, where's this chucklefuck?"
*javelin embeds itself in stone next to Cam*
Cam: O_O
Dark Souls
  • Cam (repeatedly): "ING!ING!ING!ING!"
Dark Souls
  • Cam (repeatedly): "Camera, please."
Dark Souls

World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

  • Cam: "How do you kill green mobs like that? Easy, you just don't lead 'em as much."
World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

Valkyria Chronicles

  • *After a tank emerges from being submerged in a river*
Lars: "So, let's just back this up for a moment and talk about how an internal *combustion* engine works."
Valkyria Chronicles

Bloodborne

  • Cam (in combat): "Have you considered fucking right the hell off?"
Bloodborne
  • Julie: "Hit it in the butt!"
Cam: "I'm trying, woman!"
Bloodborne
  • Julie: "It has an anus."
Cam: "It *had* an anus."
Bloodborne
  • Cam (in combat): "I ain't got time for your shit, son."
Bloodborne

Video Games with Video James

Minecraft

  • James: *checking stream on the phone to check video quality* "Oh my God, move, me from the past!"
Minecraft
  • James: "Oh shit, there's a whole tree over there! Oh, wait. That's my tree. DURR!"
Minecraft
  • James: "Hey, we got it! Oh, no we didn't. That was death."
Minecraft

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

  • James: "How do I shield? How do I shield? Does anyone know how to shield?"
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
  • James: "P.S. You can do magic now."
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
  • NPC: "Welcome to Gorhart!"
James: "Nobody cares."
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
  • James: "You will know my name because wherever I go, there will be dead chickens in my path."
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

LRRMTG

  • Graham: "Kathleen's at the gym, but she's coming back when she's done on the elliptical... which is just her reading The Economist."
Magic: the Gathering Online
  • Nirvana: "What does our deck even do?"
Graham: *contemplating many cuts* "It kills people... It kills people really good."
Magic: the Gathering Online
  • Cam: *in response to a troll claiming he said yeah too often* "Yeah..."
Magic the Gathering Online
  • Graham: "I can't believe you guys are creating fanfic featuring relationships between our chatroom moderation bot and our air conditioner."
*pause*
Graham: "I love you guys."
Magic the Gathering Online
  • Graham: *in response to Kathleen trying to give him affection on-stream* "No... Not in front of the chat..."
Magic: the Gathering Online
  • Magic the Gathering stream starts, Cam introduces it, explaining where Graham, Kathleen, and James are*
Cam: *looks around* "Wait, do you guys hear something?"
*turns around, rips green screen fabric off something in the back, revealing Alex behind him*
Magic the Gathering Online

House of Stark

Resident Evil 6

  • Graham: "You just straight up killed the president, you DINK!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Friend balloon! Nooo!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Because God forbid I move A CHAIR."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Who keeps giving you a shotgun?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham shooting Rasklapanjes in a toilet
Graham: "Alright, I am never going to the toilet in China, ever again."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "If a person gets hit by a bus, the bus is winning."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "It's a good thing we're on the express; you don't find this much ammo on the local."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham facepalms
Graham: "When did this become a Rom-Com?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Maya: "He's eating them and making himself stronger! Because zombies are additive!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "That's what you're going to say, 'He just doesn't quit', as opposed to 'WHAT THE MOTHERING SHIT WAS THAT?!'"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Ha! Screw your bonsai tree!"
Maya: "I spent so many years growing that tree!"
Graham:" Yeah? Well, now an American is here to save from it."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "That is no longer Marco, that is a swarm of- what in the hell?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Only the finest Dim-Sum restaurants serve grenade launcher ammo with the meal."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Dix, I know this isn't your branch of the military, but do aircraft carriers usually have vats of lava?"
Dix (in chat): "UH WHAT"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Chris Vs. Leon! Who will win? Nobody cares."
Resident Evil 6
  • Recurring:
Graham: "SHOOT {Him/Her}!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Why aren't they talking in Chinese? Why are they using racist movie Chinese?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: *pushes enemy over rail* "Have a nice trip... See you next... eat my ass."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Oh no! I hate the testicle wasps!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "I mean come back, I guess? I don't really wish to associate with you further, but I think that's part of my mission."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Chris, level with me: how much have you had to drink today? Seriously?"
Resident Evil 6
  • As a three-story zombie appears
Graham: "Uhm... question. Ya'll see that, right? I haven't had too much peanut sauce?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Hey; just cuz you've got your memory back doesn't make you the boss of me!" [pause] "That you are the Captain of this squad technically makes you the boss of me, but I still don't have to like it!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "J'avooooo...come out to plaaaaaayyyyy..."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Bruce Willis is, Jake Kickpunch in, 'Die Hard: Live Free, or Fuck Off'"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: *sees an icon on a corpse* "Can I vault that?"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: *shoots zombies off a ladder one by one* "This is my new favorite thing!"
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "I don't like these guys. They're weird and... weird."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "Oh! It's a cutscene. We're fine."
Resident Evil 6
  • Graham: "35... money... for this textured pile?! Amazing!"
(later)
Graham: "35 money is an amount! These are on sale for 15!"
Resident Evil 6
  • *Graham sniping zombies*
Graham: "Hey lady."
*gunshot*
Graham: "Hey dude."
*gunshot*
Graham: "Hey other lady."
*gunshot*
Resident Evil 6
  • While fighting T-Rex!Simmons in a helicopter
Graham: "Oh hey Dix. Again, not your branch of the military, but d'you have any idea how much ordnance a helicopter like this usually carries?"
Dix: (in chat) "Absolutely no idea. Get back to me in like 2 years after I drop a Helicopter flight officer packet."
Resident Evil 6
  • Fighting Simmons
Simmons: "Every last piece of you belongs to me!"
Graham: "What, all of it? Including the taint? And the back of the knee?"
Resident Evil 6

Minecraft

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

  • Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Demon fliers: They can get fucked."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Arizona: There ain't shit."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: *watching evil double wrap hand* "Is he making land-line knuckles? The worst garrote in the world? What is going on? He is making land-line knuckles... Why do we have to do this over Skype?"
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: *in "Dark" voice, in response to an on-screen command* "Tell me about the signal."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: "Okay, what do you want me to put in you: spiders or the D? Because I'm super not okay with one of them, and I probably shouldn't do the other one either."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: "Ha! Oh... I thought I had a different gun equipped. But it still worked out well, so my 'Ha!' still stands."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: "Everything's fine. We're just caught in a time loop."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: *in Alan Wake near-monotone narration voice* "Alan Wake. The man who came to kick ass and chew bubblegum and found himself, unfortunately, entirely out of gum."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Graham: "Wow, he just walked through that cactus like he did not care about his genitals."
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
  • Kathleen: "Is his long term plan to kill Alan through Vitamin D deficiency?"
Alan Wake's American Nightmare

Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

  • Graham: "What light is this?! What is lighting me?! I want to kill it!"
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: *lifts prisoner out of cage* "Yoink!"
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: *to chopper* "Do NOT land on my prisoners!"
*chopper slowly descends above prisoners* "Don't do it."
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: *accidentally runs over a guy with the truck, alerting everyone* "Shit!"
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: *driving a tank, in a silly, ironic voice* "I'm being stealthy! Hello!" *fires tank's gun*
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: *mockingly* "We're engaged with an enemy force. We're getting married in the spring."
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes
  • Graham: "I think I just crushed a rat by diving on it."
Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

Goat Simulator

  • Graham: "I can't disengage the blowhole!"
Goat Simulator
  • Alex: *as the all-traits-but-robot goat flails horrifyingly into the sky* "Godspeed, young cosmogoat."
Goat Simulator
  • Alex: *walks into in-game version of developer's studio with the all-traits-but-robot goat* "Mother! I have come for you! Why did you make me!?"
Goat Simulator
  • Kathleen: "They're still having their picnic."
Graham: "Not for long!" *dumps giant goat on picnic table*
Goat Simulator

Dark Souls

Hellkite Dragon lands directly in Graham's path, then flies off
  • Alex: "Oh... hello."
  • Graham: "Mmm... mm-hm... mmmm-hm. Alright then, it's been fun." [About faces and runs back the way he came]
  • Alex: "You just go home... wherever home is. Turns out it's at the bottom of a well."
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "This looks suspicious..."
dragon appears
Alex: "BWAWK!"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "Who put a boar in armour, and how!?"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "How do I use this?"
Alex: "You have to speak to an NPC that doesn't talk to you."
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "I'm going that way anyway, but this way, I don't have to fight DogBall again."
Dark Souls
  • Alex: *after enemy rolls backwards off platform* "Did he just YOLO-cide?"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "What's this way?"
Alex: "I don't remember... Oh wait, I do remember..."
Graham: "Is it death?"
Alex: "Think about that question."
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "Let's go back up to... up."
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "Why is there a dead guy over here? Wait, Graham. You've played Resident Evil. Why would you think he was dead? He's not dead at all! He's big and scary!"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: *mimicking reproaching voice* "Graham, there were only five salamanders in the world, and you've killed the last one."
"But I only killed four!"
*reproaching voice* "One of them was pregnant."
Alex loses it
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "How do you fight it?"
Alex: "With fight."
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "Wooo! Spring break! I beat it with no pants! I beat it with no pants! I get a cookie!"
Dark Souls
  • Graham: "I am going to shit-fling the Capra Demon before the evening is out."
Dark Souls

Viscera Detail

  • Graham: "You guys are going to have a brand-new facility by the time I'm done."
*accidentally sets wall on fire*
Graham: "Uh oh."
Viscera Detail
  • *Slosh-o-Matic dispenses severed limb instead of bucket*
Graham: "I really wish people would stop leaving legs in the Slosh-o-Matic."
Viscera Detail
  • *scanner keeps detecting mess nearby*
Graham:"Where!? Where is dirty!? I've cleaned everywhere! What do you want!?"
Viscera Detail

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

  • *while running through the holding cells in the police station*
Prostitute: "Sorry babe, can't do it through the bars."
Graham: "That is a lie! I have seen that."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: "Eat my ass, Pritchard!"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Prostitute: "There's just *something* about a man who's augmented."
Graham: "...and that something is made of metal and carbon fibre."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • *accidentally moves from one piece of cover to the next, interrupting gang conversation*
Gang Member: "Somebody there?"
Graham: "Nope."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Businessman: "I'm sure you have a file on me as thick as you have on Taggart."
Graham: "Oh, I have a thick file alright...wait, I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Citizen (in Mandarin): "I'm busy."
Graham (as Drunk Jensen): "I'm busy too. I don't even speak you language; how did I even understand that?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham (still as Drunk Jensen): "Why can't I fit through this man-sized hole?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: "You don't have to go through the drawers. I just have to go through all the drawers."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Sarif: "We can't afford another punch in the face."
Graham: "...or can we?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: [To Alex] "Your cat's poop looks like almonds?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: *bursts through door* "Heeeere's Fisty!"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: "It literally is the Drunk Jensen lightning round!"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Mrphlip (in chat): "I'm *not* adding "shoot them in the tits" to !advice. Just saying that now."
Graham: "Thank you, Mrphlip."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • *Graham looking at the main menu after watching the first ending*
Graham: "New game plus!? *sighs* Oh, were gonna be here a while."
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Graham: "If you could, you would totally download a baby. Instead of carrying it around for eight months. (Thinks) Or nine months if you don't want a premature baby. Why did I say eight months?"
Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Destiny

  • Matt: "Oh shit. I have girl guide cookies in my freezer."
Graham: "You son of a bitch!"
Destiny

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

  • Graham: "Now, if I could just not fall in a pit."
*immediately falls in pit*
Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

Grand Theft Auto V

  • Graham: "Calm down, I just need your bike so I can get to my blimp!"
Grand Theft Auto V
  • Nightvalien28 (in chat) jokingly suggests holding R2 during a glitched mission
Graham: "Nightvalien, I will put you through a window."
Grand Theft Auto V

Gat Out of Hell

  • Graham: "Where did you end up?"
Sean: "In the lava."
Graham: "So, what you're saying is, we don't have an armoured car anymore."
Gat Out of Hell

Let's Nope

Outlast

  • Alex: "Where the frick is the frickin' frick that I'm supposed to frick?"
Outlast
  • Alex: "Where's the 'bite your own tongue and bleed to death' button? Is it 'K"? No, that didn't work."
Outlast
  • Alex: "Eat a shit dick in the Waffle House!"
Outlast
  • Graham: *explaining why the stream went down* "I believe the technical term for this is that the program shit its ass inside-out."
Outlast
  • Graham: "I expected much worse."
Alex: "Much worse than having your fucking fingers cut off by a toilet knife!?"
Graham: "Toilet scissors, please."
Cam: "Urinal shears."
Outlast
  • Graham: "Uh...what? LRRbot subscribed? Skynet, thank you for subscribing!"
Outlast
  • Alex hides in a locker
Cam: "Canned meat."
Alex: "Thanks Cam."
Outlast
  • Graham: "Alex has gone full poultry. I've never seen Alex go full poultry before."
Outlast
  • Graham: "The laundry chute needs three fuses."
Alex: "Three!?"
Kathleen: "Get fucked!"
Alex: "Fffffffffffffff"
Outlast
  • Alex: "Spaghet! Wait, wait, wait... He hasn't spaghetted us yet."
Kathleen: "Uh... He's spaghetted you."
Alex: "No, he hasn't."
Kathleen: "Oh, he's running!"
Alex: "The music hasn't started."
Graham: "He's sphagetting right for you."
Alex: "He can spaghett fucked."
Outlast
  • *Alex opens door to find an ice tunnel*
Kathleen: "We're in a Bond lair."
Outlast
  • *"Crumple Wiltskin" gets owned by the Walrider*
Alex: *raises camera* "Imma YouTube this shit!"
Outlast
  • *Alex finds a severed head in a jar*
Graham: *muffled* "I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my least-favorite jar in the Citadel."
Outlast
  • *Game displays "New objective: Get out."*
Alex: "What do you mean new objective!?"
Outlast

Among the Sleep

  • Alex: "Is there a socket around here? And a butter knife?"
Among the Sleep
  • Teddy: "I don't think we're supposed to be here."
Alex: "*You* fucking led me here!"
Among the Sleep
  • Alex: "If you think I am crawling around in this spooky-ass house without a full diaper, you are sadly mistaken."
Among the Sleep
  • *crawls into a room covered in rusted panels*
Alex: "...aaaaand, Silent Hill."
Among the Sleep
  • *distant screaming*
Beej: "That's the sound of children having fun."
Among the Sleep
  • Alex: "We died! We're dead! We're 100% dead! We died! We're dead! We died! We're dead!"
Among the Sleep
  • Beej: "Why weren't you trying to hide!?"
Alex: "What happened, Beej, was that I freaked out..."
Beej: "Yeah."
Alex: "...and then we died."
Among the Sleep
  • Beej: "This game has Occulus support."
Alex: "Fuck! That! In the ear!"
Among the Sleep
  • *while Alex hides from the nearby monster*
Alex: "Dick! Shit! Ass! Fuck! Colonoscopy! Barbara Streisand!"
Among the Sleep
  • Alex: "Mom, I need you to be straight with me. Did you make a pact with Satan?"
Among the Sleep

Viscera Cleanup Detail

  • Beej: "You know what would make this worse?"
*Alex picks up lamp and breaks it*
Alex: "Shit!"
Viscera Cleanup Detail

Condemned: Criminal Origins

  • Alex: "Why did it have to be mannequins?"
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • *ragdoll flailing against a wall*
Alex: "I need an old priest and a young priest!"
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Alex: "That's a dude."
Serge: "Nah, that's a mannequin."
Alex: "Mannequins don't have idle stances, Serge!"
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Serge: "Wait, there's a pardon-fuck counter?"
Chat (Ritchards): "Serge, we count everything!"
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Alex: "Let me see if I can bury you."
*repeatedly smacks body with shovel*
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • *sounds of thumping and grunting coming from the next room*
Alex: "Wow, they are going to town."
Serge: "It's ok, it sounds consensual."
Alex: -_-
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Serge: "Alex, repeat after me."
Alex: "ASS!"
Serge: "I must not fear."
Alex: "ASS!"
Serge: "Fear is the little death that brings total annihilation."
Alex: "ASS!"
Serge: "I will face my fear."
Alex: "Ass!"
Serge: "I will permit it to pass over me and through me."
Alex: "Ass!"
Serge: "And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."
Alex: "Ass."
Serge: "And when the fear has gone there will be nothing..."
Alex: "Ass."
Serge: "...only I will remain."
Alex: "...ass."
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • *Rosa notices there's a master key in a door lock*
Alex: "Sweet! Looks like somebody was doing a speedrun and fucked up."
Condemned: Criminal Origins'
  • Serge: "Also, what is a waifu?"
Alex: "Uhh..."
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Alex (singing terribly): "All we are saying...is give us a break."
Condemned: Criminal Origins
  • Alex: "Fuck you clown! Clown, fuck youuuuuuu!"
Condemned: Criminal Origins

Doorways

  • Alex: "Man, the love shack's really gone down hill."
Doorways
  • Mia: "That's an odd way to do things. It's like an Ikea torture device."
Doorways
  • *flash of woman rotating on torture wheel*
Mia: "Well, that's one way to make hamburgers."
Doorways
  • Alex: "I fixed all your stupid torture devices. You'll get my invoice in the mail."
Doorways

Stalker: Call of Pripyat

  • *Alex discovers a copy of 'Mein Kampf* in an NPC's inventory
Alex: "What!? Why is that in there!?"
Mia: The *one* night you bring the Jewish girl in.
Stalker: Call of Pripyat
  • Alex: "Hey Mia, where's my shotgun?"
Stalker: Call of Pripyat

Afterfall: Insanity

  • Graham: "Do those knee-pads come in handy when you're sucking the Colonel's dick!?"
Alex: O_O
NPC: "Hey man, don't shoot the messenger."
Afterfall: Insanity
  • Alex: "So, you explained the knee-pads. What are the shoulder pads for?"
Graham: "Shhh..."
Afterfall: Insanity
  • Alex: "I swear, if I make a horror game, I will never include a section where you have to turn the power back on."
Graham: "But Alex, how would there be power to the doors?"
Alex: *burps*
Afterfall: Insanity

Five Nights at Freddy's

  • *Alex switches to the dining room camera and finds Bonnie has moved there*
Alex: "Fuck everything forever."
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • *Alex switches light on, which reveals Bonnie in the hallway*
Alex: "Oh hi!"
*shuts door*
Alex: "Get fucked!"
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • Alex: "Like, I know it's coming-" *Freddy jumps out*
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • Alex: "I wish... I was playing... Outlast..."
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • Alex: "What does the fox say? [...] <BLAERGH!!!>"
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • *Alex has just closed both doors with robots at each one*
Alex: "We live here now! We live here now..."
Ash: "And we're good!"
Alex: "We'll just sit here 'til the end of time... The end of time..."
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • *Freddy glitch appears on screen*
Alex: "What the fuck?! What in the fuck is that!?"
Ash: "I don't know!"
Alex: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?"
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • *Spots the Golden Freddie Poster, then closes the monitor to see Golden Freddie in the control room*
Ash: "Oh, God!"
Alex: "Oh, good, Hi! We're dead... We're dead..."
*Alex backs away and raises his hands in the air, and Freddie gets them*
*The stream screen goes dark and Alex laughs nervously*
Alex: "We just got..."
*Alex wheels back looking shocked*
Alex: "You can't see this, but it just quit the game!"
*Ash laughs*
Alex: "Do we die in real life now?"
Five Nights at Freddy's
  • *While waiting for Chica to ambush them, Ash is covering her face.*
Ash: "Ash? BAWK-BAWK-BAWK-BAWK!!!"
*Continues to "BAWK" as Chicka jumps them and Ash screams*
*They both laugh after a moment*
Alex: "We're BAWK-ED!"
Five Nights at Freddy's

Penumbra: Requiem

  • Alex: *opens door to check if the coast is clear*
*monster walks past*
Alex: *manic laughter* *shuts door*
Penumbra: Requiem

Clive Barker's Undying

  • *while Alex messes around with graphics options on the PC*
Kathleen: "You should save the game before you do this, Alex."
Alex: "That would be a good idea."
*Alex clicks back to game and immediately kills the maid by accident*
Clive Barker's Undying

The Evil Within

  • Ian: "This is like a mix between Return of the Jedi and Monty Python."
The Evil Within
  • Graham (as disembodied head on side of camera): "I am led to believe you can break boxes in this game. Yeeeess, my disembodied head is pleeeeeased."
The Evil Within
  • Ian: "This is Legend of Zelda levels of property damage."
The Evil Within
  • Alex: "But how does it cut chain?"
Ian: "It’s a CHAINsaw, Alex. In the same way a woodsaw is for wood, and a bonesaw is for Spider-Man."
The Evil Within

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

  • James: "We have five minutes to find a bong, then we can 420 blaze it."
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
  • Alex (trying to stack boxes): "This is the worst Minecraft mod ever."
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
  • James: "I hate fun. I am the worst."
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
  • Serge: "Oh, we're playing as a racist. Isn't that nice?"
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
  • Alex: "This looks like acid." *touches it, gets burned*
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
  • Alex: "The moral of the story is: WHITE PEOPLE!" *shakes fist angrily*
Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Neverending Nightmares

  • *Alex come across a pit of moving doll arms, with a narrow plank across it*
Alex: "What the actual ass!?"
Neverending Nightmares

Condemned 2

  • Alex: *picks up prosthetic arm* "Now we're armed."
Condemned 2

Spooky's House of Jump Scares

  • Alex: Run quickly! Run more quickly! Ahahahahahah!"
Spooky's House of Jump Scares
  • Alex: Fuck you, Pumpkin! Eat shit!"
Spooky's House of Jump Scares
  • Alex: <incoherent gibberish>
Spooky's House of Jump Scares
  • Graham: "Who put their skull in the shoe cupboard?"
Spooky's House of Jump Scares

Exodus from the Earth

  • Woman: "I can just imagine the son of a bitch chasing his monkey."
Graham: "Is that a euphemism for something?"
Exodus from the Earth

Watch + Play

Air Control

  • Graham: "How did they make this much garbage?"
Alex: "Because they're filthy animals, that's why."
Air Control
  • *Game enters 'Flappy Bird' mode*
Alex: "Wha- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Air Control
  • *Game enters 'Flappy Bird' mode a second time*
Alex: "You... Fucking... Fuck... Dick... Ass..."
Air Control
  • Graham: "Whose brain is that and why is it rolling away from you?"
Air Control
  • *Alex wades through a sea of organs*
Graham: "How many people got on this plane!?"
Alex *turns to around to look at the passengers and organs*: "That many."
Air Control
  • Alex: "Where the fuck is the ground, Graham!?"
Air Control
  • Graham (mimicking an aeroplane annoncement): "In the event of a water landing, the plane will nose lazily into the ocean and come to a full stop."
Air Control

The Hat Man: Shadow Ward

  • *Alex picks up a book, causing the game to shift into "horror game" mode*
Alex: "Shit, I turned on Silent Hill. Ah...where's the 'turn off Silent Hill' button?"
The Hat Man: Shadow Ward
  • Graham: "And now, Alex Steacy will review this video game, through a mouthful of strudel."
Alex: "Oh my god. Can that be a thing on this channel, please?"
The Hat Man: Shadow Ward

Goat Simulator

  • Alex: "There's one last thing I have to do."
*Graham notices Alex dragging a car towards the Scrambler*
Graham: "HOLY SHIT! NO!"
Alex: "Yesssss..."
Goat Simulator

Alpha Zylon

  • *Alex dies to a hidden trap*
Alex: "So, this is Dark Souls."
Alpha Zylon
  • *hostages speaking gibberish*
Alex: "They're speaking racist."
Alpha Zylon
  • Graham: "PLEASE_ugbhfnghblhrbn has just subscribed!"
Alpha Zylon

A New Reckoning

  • Alex: "My patch notes for this game will be: turn the spider faucet off."
A New Reckoning
  • Alex: "This is what we call a fuck of spiders."
A New Reckoning
  • Kathleen: "So, what is the plot for this game?"
*Graham and Alex crack up laughing*
A New Reckoning

4PM

  • Graham: "So Alex, how do you feel about a psychological thriller?"
Alex: "Uh oh."
4PM
  • Graham: "This is a game that is so far up its own ass, it's coming out its mouth."
4PM

The You Testament

  • Graham: "Dude, it's you and Muhammed!? You are so fucked!"
The You Testament
  • *Alex accidentally switches the game to wireframe mode*
Alex and Graham: "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The You Testament
  • Graham (reading chat): "Wait, in the game, you can impregnate women through hugs?"
Alex: "Yeah. That's how it works, right?"
Graham: "...yes. That is how that works."
The You Testament

The Zoo Race

  • *Cam walks in, sees Alex's character stuck in the air*
Cam: "What have you done?"
The Zoo Race
  • Graham (trying to calm down from laughing): "I am in a considerable amount of distress."
The Zoo Race
  • Alex: "I overshot the finish line and fell off the world!"
The Zoo Race
  • Graham: "This is like the worst Disneyland ride ever!"
The Zoo Race

Real Horror Stories

  • *shadow dashes across the screen for the fifth time*
Graham: "Who *is* that asshole?"
Real Horror Stories

Executive Towers

  • Alex, commenting on the NPC animations: "I've heard stories about what it's like to be on drain opener, but I've never seen it."
Executive Towers

Twin Sectors

  • Alex throws burning gas bottle at a door, blowing it open"
Oscar: "You made a good call on that door, Nine."
Graham: "No you didn't!"
Twin Sectors

Meeuuw

  • Graham: I don't know why this game exists.
Alex: I don't care why this game exists. It's marvellous.
Meeuuw
  • Graham: "If seagulls could breathe fire, they would be utter bastards."
Meeuuw

Crossing the Streams

Minecraft: Super Hostile

  • Alex: *while being pursued by a pack of Creepers* "Oh shit. Double shit. A thousand shit."
Minecraft: Super Hostile
  • Graham: "I'm just going to-" *walks into lava* "...oh."
Minecraft: Super Hostile
  • *explosion*
Alex (off-camera): *screams*
Minecraft: Super Hostile
  • Graham: "AnimusFallen has just- OH GOD THERE'S SILVERFISH EVERYWHERE!"
Minecraft: Super Hostile
  • Graham: "I FOUND THE WOOL! IT'S THROUGH A ROOM OF NOTHING BUT DEATH!"
Minecraft: Super Hostile

Dokapon Kingdom

  • Heather: "Is that sexy to you?"
Cam: "It's awfully low res. I generally prefer my women a bit higher res."
Dokapon Kingdom
  • Cam: "Where's my hat? Where's my fucking hat!? I went to Hell, and came back with a beard."
Dokapon Kingdom
  • *Cam comes back in after Cori accidentally makes the Money Trickster betray Cam and steal his money*
Cam: "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
*later*
Cam: "You're all laughing at me now, but you have no idea where I just peed."
Dokapon Kingdom
  • Cam: "Eat shit, pixie!"
Dokapon Kingdom
  • Cori (to Beej): "First, I will punch this game, then I will punch you."
Dokapon Kingdom

Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory

  • Graham: "Oh no...you can put your own textures in the game."
Cam: "I'm sure that hasn't been abused at all."
Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory

Mario Party 8

  • Beej: "I'm Beej."
*pause; Beej gestures for the others to introduce themselves*
Heather: "I'm not Beej."
Ian: "I am also not Beej."
Cam: "I am Beej."
Mario Party 8

Adam's GameHaus

Asura's Wrath

  • Adam: "Listen, we're not here to fuck spiders."
Asura's Wrath
  • Adam: "If there is a face, then we can punch it!"
Asura's Wrath
  • Adam: "Now kiss!"
Asura's Wrath
  • Adam: "Lava arms? Whatever dude, been there, done that, got the t-shirt."
Asura's Wrath

Dead Space

  • Adam " If I ever have to move I'm inviting Isaac Clark. Not, you know, because of lifting things, it's because my house is infested with aliens."
Dead Space

The Walking Dead

  • Adam: "What happened to the zombies?"
Morgan: "Didn't you shoot them all in the face?"
Adam: "Oh, that's right, I did!"
The Walking Dead

Tinker Tailor Solder Fry

  • *Ian talks about a jacket that still has needles embedded in it*
Alex: "Just run it through an MRI."
Cori: "That's how you break an MRI!"
Alex: "It's fine."

Non-LRL Streams

StreamBros

Titanfall

  • Game: "Warning! Another titan is attacking you!"
Matt: *facing and directly engaged in battle with said titan* "I can tell..."
Titanfall
  • Matt: *after shooting a teammate accidentally* "Something something, check your corners. Something something, friendly fire."
Titanfall
  • Andrew: "There are like 40 guys around."
Matt: "They're inside this building."
Andrew: *gets lost* "This? No..."
Matt: "Clearly not in that part of the building. That is a wall, Andrew."
Titanfall
  • Matt (to Andrew): "There's a dude on that roof! There's a dude on that roof! You should shoot the dude on that roof!"
Titanfall
  • Matt: "Victory!"
Andrew: "I shall celebrate by shooting that guy."
Matt: "By shooting that dude straight in the face."
Titanfall
  • Andrew: *regarding microphone issues on the Kinect* "I think we're going in and out depending on..." *sound cuts out as he continues speaking*
Titanfall
  • Matt: "Basically, Ashton and myself, and uh... LeeLee and Andrew should all just get together and make our own sketch comedy troupe, with blackjack and hookers. It'll be great! LRR North!"
Titanfall
  • Matt: "Matt 'Bounces Off Walls' Wiggins!"
Titanfall
  • Andrew: "When we sign off of here in a little bit, we're going to watch the new Captain America movie."
Matt: "CAPTAIN 'MERIKUH!"
Andrew: "Holy shit, that game looks amazing!"
Matt: "Uh... That's a movie."
Andrew: "That movie looks amazing, too!"
Matt: "I don't there is a new Captain Amovie..."
Andrew: "I don't think so, either."
Matt: "CAPTAIN AMOVIEKA!"
Andrew: "Captain of Movies!"
Titanfall
  • Matt: *chooses "Massive Payload" burn card*
Andrew: "Would you like to hear about my massive payload?"
Matt: *turns to face Andrew slowly*
Titanfall
  • Matt: *checking the quotes page* "I don't remember saying half of these things."
Titanfall
  • Matt: "That's a titan. It can see you. And you're dead."
Andrew: "That was just a guy."
Matt: "That was an AI guy, too."
Titanfall
  • Matt: "That's a shield. That's an enemy! That's a lot of fucking exploding!"
Titanfall

Peggle 2

  • Andrew: "Did I just de-op us from our own channel?"
Peggle 2
  • Matt: "Matt 'Has a ton of balls' Wiggins"
Peggle 2

Starwhal: Just the Tip

  • Matt: "And here we see the majestic FUUUUUUUUCK!"
Starwhal: Just the Tip
  • Andrew: "I'm trapped on his mouth!"
Starwhal: Just the Tip

Broforce

  • Andrew: "You're back! You're dead."
Matt: "I'm alive! I'm dead."
Andrew: "You're alive again! Make the most of it this time!"
Matt: "And I'm dead again."
Broforce
  • *Andrew accidentally punches an explosive barrel*'
Matt: "Really? Really."
Andrew: "What?"
Matt: "You blew us both up."
Andrew: "No, I didn't."
Matt: "Yes, you did."
Andrew: "What'd I do?"
Matt: "You blew us both up."
Andrew: "How?"
Matt: "By blowing us both up."
Andrew: "I was just punching guys."
Matt: "You blew us. Both up."
Andrew: "I am very strongly starting to suspect you're making shit up."
Matt: *talking over him* "You blew. Us both up."
Broforce

RocketsRocketsRockets

  • Ashton: "I was controlling the wrong rocket the entire time..."
RocketsRocketsRockets

Dungeons of Dredmor

  • Andrew: *while in the basement of a library* "Who left this street lamp down here?"
Dungeons of Dredmor
  • Andrew: "The techno-sewers!"
Dungeons of Dredmor
  • Andrew: *facetiously* "Sweet! Small crossbow! 1 damage! Get wrecked!"
Dungeons of Dredmor
  • Andrew: "Oh my God, it's a clone army down there! I'm fighting George Lucas!"
Dungeons of Dredmor