Haiku

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All Haikus from The Whatever Thing collected together.

The Whatever Thing: Episode One

"Send us a haiku.

Hopefully we will show yours.

Unless yours sucks balls."


Whitey

"LRR, my love,

Will you join me in dance, please?

Oh... not tangible."


Old & Insane

"Drunk guy flirts badly.

Calls his girl "unwilling bag".

Wham! Punched in face!"


Retrovirus

"A haiku, you say?

I refuse to write poems.

Oh shit - I just did."


Panda Porn

"This morning, amazed.

No morning wood - what the hell!

Pleasantly surprised."


Man Cooking

"Morgan wants haikus?

Well, this one is pretty nice.

Funny? Not so much."


Camel Sacrifice

"My face is the cheese!

Children bring joy out of this.

Don't eat me - I'm scared..."


Best Sandwich Ever

"Loading Ready Run:

always better without James.

Why do we need him?"


Hyut!

"Praise the Commodore!

Its words inspire our laughter:

'Loading Ready Run'."


Segway

"Bytes over the net

flying quickly as I wait.

The net is too slow."


Monopoly on Weird

"A clown rapes a mime.

The mime cannot speak a word.

Silently, he screams. "


Time You Won't Get Back

"DA NA NA NA NA

DAA NAA NA NA NA NA

Black Sabbath, is love. "


Mecha-Jackson

"Two blond girls in bed,

what more could a guy desire?

Let me think... Bacon."


Yeah...

"Here, have a haiku.

I'll slip it in your beer.

Then you'll throw it up."


The Dutch!

"I'd kill for a coke.

But there are witnesses here.

I lay quiet, waiting. "


Ask Kathleen!

"Dear Whatever Thing:

I have but one small request:

More super breasts, please."


Startle a Chicken

"My new Dell arrives!

I stroke the case lovingly.

What? Won't load XP?"


The Death of the Hyphen

"The internet is

Chimpanzees writing Shakespeare

Mostly poo is thrown "


Limited Return

"Cakes may taste like yam

But only if you can't cook

I prefer waffles "


Episodes without a Haiku

One of Us Has to Change

The Year in Music

Keytar Hero

Not Funny

Very Silly String

The Secret Word

Party Hard

Man Cooking 2

Day in the Liff

Computer Envy

Man Cooking 3

Back on the Horse