Escapist News Network

Escapist News Network logo

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Format: Satirical Gaming News

Created By: Graham Stark, Kathleen De Vere, Jeremy Petter, Paul Saunders

Status: Discontinued

Updates: Wednesdays

Host: The Escapist

Original Run: September 23, 2009 - February 13, 2011

Associated Shows: CheckPoint (successor), Feed Dump (successor)

The Escapist News Network (commonly abbreviated as ENN), is a show on The Escapist created by a few members of the Loading Ready Run Crew. It is in the style of a news broadcast (á la CNN) reporting on both truthful and fictional stories. The show is heavily influenced by the Canadian comedy series This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

As of February 13, 2011 ENN was discontinued and was eventually replaced by two successor series, the first being CheckPoint, which premiered on PATV on May 9, 2011, and the second being Feed Dump, which premiered on The Escapist on May 25, 2011.

Format

In general, the show follows a fixed format in every episode.

• First, the intro plays; this consists of theme music and an animation which mockingly mimic those of major news networks. Several words appear during the animation: Reliable, Trustworthy, Resplendent, Logarithmic, and one additional word. This is known as the accent word, and changes every week. See the List of ENN Accent Words.
• After the intro, the camera cuts to the anchor desk, with dimmed lights, as Graham and Kathleen set up a joke in casual conversation. This is the first part of the so-called after-lights gag. The lights then turn on, and the anchors face the camera and introduce themselves. The lower third displays their job description gag, which also changes every week.
• Approximately the first half of the show consists of between four and seven news stories, reported alternately be Graham and Kathleen. The first sentence or part is almost always true; this is followed by 'merciless joking' for the rest of the story. In addition, each story features a corner image (usually created by Jer) and one or more lower third jokes, and may include an extra video segment.
• Most of the rest of the video is taken up by the Feature Story. Whichever anchor's turn it is will introduce the story, then pass it to a field reporter (usually Jer) or pre-recorded video segment. Feature Stories are always at least mostly false, and usually completely so, even if they are loosely based in fact.
• Finally, the anchors will end the episode with their parting line or lines. While the credits roll, the studio lights dim, and the after-lights gag is concluded as Graham and Kathleen finish their conversation from where it was left off.

List of Episodes

#	Title	Accent Word	Job Description	Date
67	The Newsroom: Dead Dragon Distance	N/A	N/A	February 2, 2011
Your mom may hate Dead Space 2, but maybe she'll like this! Or not.
66	Inside the Newsroom	N/A	N/A	January 19, 2011
Kathleen, Graham, Paul and Jeremy take you behind the magic. It's less magical.
65	Predictions	Sundry	Resolute Anchors	January 5, 2011
Ryan Quickbender places his bets, Graham and Kathleen talk Madden.
64	ENN Awards 2010	Jolly	Anchs, Yo	December 22, 2010
Some games didn't suck this year. I know, right?
63	Not Games But Movies	Got Pig?	Team Neat	December 8, 2010
Movie-based game or game-based movie. Either way, we lose.
62	Stresstris	Bi-Weekly	Returning Champions	November 24, 2010
Scientists are using Tetris to perform science.
61	Rejeweled	Harmless	Weekend Warriors	November 10, 2010
Iterating Bejeweled isn't as bad as releasing Dragon's Lair again.
60	Nintendonts	Akurate	Also With 60% Less Hendersons	November 3, 2010
Whether it's Mario's anniversary, or their own losses, Nintendo seem out of touch with reality.
59	More Room to Grow	Serrated	Demon Hunters (and Interviewers)	October 27, 2010
Paul delves deeper into Kinect's space needs and Graham goes off about Minecraft.
58	The EA Louse & Friends	Huggable	Wasteland Correspondents	October 20, 2010
If EA would not keep on hiring anonymous bloggers they wouldn't have these problems.
57	Room to Grow	Alive	Subspace Anchors	October 13, 2010
Paul investigates the space requirements of Kinect.
56	Sony's Crazy Marketing	Lithe	Rare News Mobs	October 6, 2010
Paul and Jeremy get to the bright red bottom of Sony's crazy marketing decisions.
55	Kathleen's Book Club	Finite	Not Boats Abandoned In Some Backyard (followed by "Too Obscure?")	September 29, 2010
Kathleen presents the complete nutjobs of gaming, and looks at a hot new game book.
54	West Washing	Lobsterly	Rhyme With Bankers	September 22, 2010
When Eastern developers make their games appeal to "The West", everyone loses.
53	XBox Platinum	Matronly	Double-Toy Pickup	September 15, 2010
Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.
52	Got to Catch Them All	Pneumatic	Ignoble Team	September 8, 2010
Jeremy interviews a holy order for all things "totally sweet".
51	Booby Prize	Five-Star	Newsblasters	September 1, 2010
Graham weighs in on Medal of Honor and Jeremy investigates breasts. Inbreastigates?
50	Still Gaming	Phlegm	News Raiders	August 25, 2010
Before your next LAN or all-night raid, you'd better be prepared.
49	Work Your Assets	Soggy	Rapportuers	August 18, 2010
Graham talks Pokemon and Ryan Quickbender has a lesson for the ladies.
48	Blizzard Warning	Enriched	Fortified For +50%	August 11, 2010
ENN delves into the darkness behind everyone's favorite studio.
47	Global Warning	Adequate	Consumate Professionals	August 4, 2010
High pressure is causing problems in the development environment.
46	Kinect the Dots	Paragon	Would You Like To Know More?	July 28, 2010
Graham gives The Governator a headshot and Paul shows how Microsoft and Sony are lying.
45	All in the Cards	Ursine	Presentational Zoologists	July 21, 2010
ComicCon gets picketed, GameStop whines and a gaming entrepreneur shows us his new take on a card game... "classic".
44	Minced Words: Blizzard's Real ID	Tubular	Dimensional Anchors	July 14, 2010
If we lose online anonymity, untold hate speech may be lost.
43	GearGasm 5: The Perspectiving	Wobbley	Agency... Agents?	July 7, 2010
See it - with your eyeballs.
42	Snobcon 2010	Lifelike	News Mistress	June 30, 2010
A special report on a convention you've never heard of, square.
41	E3 2010 Recap	Gyroscopic	Epic Knitters	June 23, 2010
Paul and his panel of experts gives us the lowdown on the ups and downs of E3 2010.
40	E3 News Bytes - 6/18/2010	N/A	E3-Onauts	June 18, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
39	E3 News Bytes - 6/17/2010	N/A	Def Jam Rapstars	June 17, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
38	E3 News Bytes - 6/16/2010	N/A	VPs of Kevin Butler	June 16, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
37	E3 News Bytes - 6/15/2010	N/A	Kinectimals	June 15, 2010
ENN presents: E3 Bytes - covering all the latest in E3 2010 news, in a convenient "watchable" format.
36	Resident Evil Romance	Pointy	Omega Protocols	June 9, 2010
This week, ENN attempts to get to the bottom of the apparent success of videogame novelizations.
35	Skate and Die!	Ephemeral	Totally Persians	June 2, 2010
An author of great conviction warns parents of the danger inherent in skateboarding games.
34	Who the Hell are You?	ALL CAPS	Urine Technicians	May 26, 2010
A look behind the scenes of a game translation service.
33	Atari's Gambit	Tactile	Splinter Cells	May 19, 2010
Atari takes us back, to the future of gaming.
32	Speaking Without Words	Copious	Still Coffee-less	May 12, 2010
A special report on the voice actors of N64 games.
31	Quickbender Must Die	Kitch	Toadstools	May 5, 2010
The ENN office receives a mystery package.
30	Splinter Cell: Cunvicshun	Drywall	Rebels With Cause	April 28, 2010
The team covers all the controversy and confusion surrounding Splinter Cell: Conviction.
29	Viral Outbreak	Meow?	Demon Hunters	April 21, 2010
A viral game is killing the social life of millions. Are you at risk?
28	Peace Walker Promo	Backspin	Synergists	April 14, 2010
Sonic fanboys reach a crisis point.
27	Money Shot	Meringue	S.T.A.L.K.E.R.S.	April 7, 2010
This week, a special edition of GearGasm, and the Nintendo 3DS stomps on minorities.
26	Special Edition	Thromboid	(It's A Sinus Infection Now)	March 31, 2010
Games with special editions harbor a dark secret.
25	Games for Pets	Sniffly	(Yes, Graham Has A Cold)	March 24, 2010
Surprising new developments are being made in the field of gaming for our furred friends.
24	The Future of Storage Media	Funsize	Pulse L'Cie	March 17, 2010
A very interesting installment of GearGasm introduces a 300GB optical disc.
23	Dishonorable Discharge	Cromulent	Kickin' It Old School	March 10, 2010
A hard-hitting report on the recent layoffs at Infinity Ward.
22	Quick's Picks	Bunnies!	Quick-Time Events	March 3, 2010
Quick's Picks responds to a viewer email about a misunderstanding with Dante's Inferno.
21	RPG Elements	Alpine	Renegade Paragons	February 24, 2010
ENN investigates the disappearance of RPG elements from gaming.
20	EA's Corporate Vision On Track	Submerged	Olympic Slackers	February 17, 2010
Good news, EA continues to lose money, but at a slower rate.
19	Black & Blue Streak	Triglycerides	Citizens of Rapture	February 10, 2010
The latest Sonic game puts up warning flags for concerned citizens.
18	Natal Scandal	Low-sodium	Rocketeers	February 3, 2010
Project Natal's Milo gets a little too real.
17	iPhonomenon	Haptic	Assassins (Shhh!)	January 27, 2010
The iPhone becomes the next big thing in portable gaming.
16	On Punctuation	Anodized	Umbra Witches	January 20, 2010
Yahtzee gives us the spill on his new book, as Final Fantasy XIII tours America.
15	A Few Good Gamers	Rampant	Resistance Fighters	January 13, 2010
LG brings motion control to television, and America's Army becomes the front line of video game recruitment technology.
14	The Future of Sex	Spreadable	Blood Mages	January 6, 2010
Square-Enix announces a revolutionary new battle system, and and unrepresented market for sex in games finally comes to light.
13	Year in Review 2009	Frothy	Reindeer enthusiasts	December 16, 2009
Sony reveals a new motion controller, and a panel of experts debate the top game of the year.
12	Counter-Active Gaming	Soluble	Double Agents	December 9, 2009
A new fitness game for the Wii stirs controversy, and Pandemic announces free nude DLC for Saboteur.
11	Guild Chat	Indeed	Kung Fu Fighters	December 2, 2009
Graham interviews members of The Guild.
10	Pictodicks	Octopimp	Vampire Hunters	November 25, 2009
A special investigative report about an inappropriate game you never knew about.
9	Sorcerers Demand Equal Rites	Tepid	Tag Team Champions	November 18, 2009
Global Agenda's "No Elves" campaign causes quite a stir in the elven community.
8	Economic Weather Report	Corrosive	Vault Dwellers	November 11, 2009
Jimmy Buffet announces a Margaritaville game, as the economic climate shifts into the red.
7	New Dante's Inferno Marketing Tactic	Turgid	Genome Soldiers	November 4, 2009
Scientists perfect the robot game journalist. Turns out, it wasn't that hard. .
6	ROJO	Bipedal	Let me show you ma Anchormans	October 28, 2009
EA's marketing campaign for Dante's Inferno reaches a new level.
5	Uber HD	Sideways	Talkypeople	October 21, 2009
This week, Brütal Legend, Bubble Bobble Boy and a special report on the future of HD technology.
4	I C U Wii	Pre-post-modern	Anchors Aweigh	October 14, 2009
This week, a Spore movie, and a Japanese reality show brings embarrassment to Wii owners. .
3	Lost Leaders	Vestigial	Anchors Aweigh	October 7, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch." This week, the console war reaches a new low.
2	The Next Rock Band	Bootylicious	Anchorpeoples	September 30, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch," covering everything from Chinese WoW service to an upcoming Rock Band title.
1	Nerd Flu	Toasty	Anchormans	September 23, 2009
The Escapist presents, ENN, "news you can watch," with exclusive coverage of a horrible pandemic - nerd flu.

Notes

• Unlike Unskippable, ENN did not originate from the Escapist Film Festival.
• The ENN crew occasionally post rejected ENN stories on the blog. These are stories which didn't get in to the week's episode because they were extra, (usually) not due to low quality. This is now a feature on the Escapist Publisher's Club.

See Also

• Recurring ENN Characters
• Action 9, LRR's other fictitious news agency
• CheckPoint, the spiritual successor to ENN

External Links

• Escapist News Network
• Escapist News Network Facebook Page