80s Van Gogh Cats Transcript

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Transcript for Feed Dump- 80s Van Gogh Cats

{FEED DUMP TITLE}

Kathleen: Welcome to Feed Dump, where I'm not Graham, but we are classes you'll be taking when you go back to school this fall. I'm Calculus 101 and I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends. Joining me this week is Spanish 101,

Paul: Use me to attempt to pick up chicks on holidays.

Kathleen: and Introduction to Philosophy 100.

Cam: You'll be able to resell your textbook quite easily since the highlighting will stop on page seventeen.

Kathleen: Before we launch into our stories, I have a quick Feed Dump update for everybody. A Fedumpdate.

Cam: I went on one of those once. We both left disappointed.

{TITLE: WTF CAM (SUBTITLE: SERIOUSLY, IS THAT A EUPHEMISM? I'M JUST SAYING THAT SOMETIMES I WORRY THAT YOU HAVE SEEN SOME WEIRD SHIT BUT DON'T WORRY, I'M HERE FOR YOU MAN.)}

Kathleen: Remember a few months ago, we reported that Hasbro was looking for something to replace the iron as a Monopoly token because irons are old and busted and stupid and they wanted to get rid of it? Well, the internet has spoken, and the new Monopoly token is... A CAT!

Cam: Awww. I was really pulling for ossified bloated plutocrat.

Paul: Isn't that already the Monopoly guy? I don't think he can also be a piece.

I was hoping that the new piece would just be like a cube. {HOLDS UP FINGERS TO SHOW TINY CUBE SHAPE} Just a solid like steel cube.

Kathleen: Ooh, I like that one. That way, when you inevitably get frustrated and want to quit the game, you can throw it at your opponent and it will REALLY hurt!

{TITLE: TAKE THAT GRANDMA! (SUBTITLE: STOP TAKING "INTEREST FREE LOANS" FROM THE BANK ALREADY! I HATE THIS STUPID GAME.)}

Kathleen: A long lost Vincent Van Gogh painting called "Sunset at Montmajour" has been found after languishing in an attic for nearly a hundred years, because a previous art appraiser told its owner it was a fake.

Paul: What's actually really surprising is that the art appraiser didn't immediately make an offer to buy it after saying it was a fake.

Cam: The bad news is that it's a fake and it's a, it's a pretty obvious fake. Uh, yeah, no. But the good news is the frame is worth about twenty bucks and, take the sting out of it, I'll give you, I'll give you twenty-five.

Kathleen: Interestingly enough, the Van Gogh Museum looked at this painting in 1990 and also concluded it was a fake because it wasn't signed. But it was of such high quality for a fake that they did a chemical analysis on the paints and it was found that they were the same as the paint Van Gogh had used right down to the imperfections and then they did an X-ray analysis on the canvas and found that it was the same type as used in other Van Gogh paintings from the same period as Sunset at Mountmajour.

Paul: Well, I mean the Van Gogh museum doesn't have a lot of money, but uh, we'll give you twenty-five bucks for it.

Cam: Well, it turns out that Sunset at Mountmajour wasn't signed but the three other paintings that he painted over to make it were, so there's your tip-off.

Paul: Similar to Vincent Van Gogh, I'd like to imagine that this episode of Feed Dump will be found in somebody's attic in many many years, and they'll finally understand my artistic genius and it will sell for millions of dollars.

Kathleen: Or be written off as a fake because it's not an authentic Graham-hosted Feed Dump. {SHRUGS}

Cam: The real question is, who has to go through the auto mutilation and suicide to make it really valuable?

Kathleen: I think my dad would get mad if I tried to wreck his car.

A family of four from Guelph, Ontario has decided to turn back the clock and party like it's 1986. As part of a social experiment, the family will be living with 1986 technology, clothing and hairstyles for a year.

Cam: God, I hate hipsters.

Paul: I really hope they're gonna do it like one of those historic reenactment villages, and so you go in and like talk to them and they'll be like "what is this iPhone thing you're talking about? We never had iPhones in 1986!"

Cam: As they're born in 1986, this couple is just at the correct age when they can look back at the late 80s as a pastoral time of beautiful golden-tinged innocence rather than recalling the pants-shitting terror of living with the threat of global nuclear war!

Kathleen: 1986 also marks the turning point in the pop music where we went from fun new wave hits to... power ballads, so there's that too.

Cam: If you're going to travel back in time, you should probably go back to time that didn't actually suck out loud.

Kathleen: Yeah, but I mean they get to have vintage clothing, and the dad in the family is gonna grow a big fuck-off Magnum PI mustache.

Paul: Aaaaahhhh! Now it becomes clear. The like pro-and-con chart is like, cons: all sorts of- big huge long list. Pro: Magnum PI mustache, but written really big!

Kathleen: Awesome Magnum PI mustaches or not, unfortunately that's all the dumping we have for this week. But remember, there may be better sources of news, but they don't have {PUTS ON CANADA FLAG PATTERNED SPORTS FAN HAT WITH BELLS} this hat, which we were given at Pax Prime. And if you want to give us a hat for Feed Dump, please send me an email. {SUBTITLE: kathleen@loadingreadyrun.com} kathleen@loadingreadyrun.com. {SUBTITLE: Subject: Hats} and we would love to have it on our show. {SUBTITLE: Also acceptable: Subject: Cats} {WIGGLES HEAD, MAKING THE BELLS JINGLE, WHILE TRYING TO STOP THE HAT FROM FALLING OFF} Better be as fun as this hat though. {WIGGLES HEAD WHILE HOLDING DOWN THE HAT, MAKING BELLS JINGLE} Maybe slightly 'cause Graham's head is huge. This is kind of small even on me. {WIGGLES HEAD SOME MORE, MAKING BELLS JINGLE}

{FEED DUMP CREDITS}

{KATHLEEN IS OBVIOUSLY HOLDING THE CAMERA. SHOT OF CLOTHES ROCK BEFORE MOVING TO CAM AND DROPPING DOWN}

Cam: Yeah, just, can you get me the uh-

Kathleen: {OFFSCREEN} Oof.

{CAMERA MOVES BACK UP TO CAM'S FACE}

Cam: I just need a gun and then I can hand it to you.

Kathleen: {OFFSCREEN} {LAUGHS}

Cam: Like a rack, can be like- {HOLDS OUT ARM, MIMING GUN}

Kathleen: {OFFSCREEN} No.

{CAMERA PANS SHAKILY TO PAUL}

Paul: Alright, probably isn't efficient, but-

Kathleen: {OFFSCREEN} {LAUGHS}